Old enough for a mammogram

Man on top of mountain.

It’s that time of year again….. time for me to take a look at where I’m standing on this hill.

Oh, look….. I’m at the top!!

What really brought it home for me was a conversation I had with my friend today. She’s a year older than me. Somehow she mentions the word “mammogram”. As in, she hasn’t had one yet and hey, why don’t we do it at the same time to kind of force each other to get it done….then go eat lunch or something.


Mammogram???  You must be thinking of someone else. I’m still in my 30’s.

Talk to me in 10 days.

The girl I wanna be

I ran into her today, after taking Jenna to the splash pad this afternoon.

HER….being a woman near my age (I think), who looks completely AMAZING. Couple that with a winning personality, and smarts, it’s a no brainer. She ran a 5 mile race on her birthday this week, and came in FIRST. Who wouldn’t want to be her??

Now, I don’t mean this literally, I really enjoy myself and my life. I wouldn’t want to switch all that stuff. BUT… her arms. Her arms are perfect. I stared at them as we chatted for a second or two. And I envied them.

She is dedicated to working out, she runs…for like, miles. She tries to get enough sleep and adjusts her diet to allow her to reach her goals with her running.

And here I am….just snuck two bites of Jenna’s superman ice cream, and WOULD have ordered a hot fudge sundae of my own if the lady hadn’t rushed me at the counter….. addicted to stupid burger king onion rings…..

I'm pretty sure she looks like this when she races.... theathleticbuild.com

I’m pretty sure she looks like this when she races….

I imagine I look like this next to her..... istockphoto.com

I imagine I look like this next to her…..

I told her I was just getting back into working out. This is true….again. I’m ALWAYS just getting back into working out, I haven’t actually made it a habit for years… so the three days a week I am doing? I didn’t tell her that at least one of those is just a 10 minute superfast CD so I can “say” I worked out that day. And probably clenching my butt cheeks when I walk outside with the kids isn’t good enough. Dammit.

So I look at her, and admire her, and think…..I would love to look like her. And what will I do about it?

Perhaps because I’m turning 40 in a few short weeks…. suddenly the knowledge that I COULD look great if I wanted to isn’t cutting it. Suddenly, the excuse of having 4 kids isn’t enough…. genetics have been very nice to me, but maybe it’s time for me to help out a bit more.

By the way, getting back to this girl, it is impossible to hate her for her perfection. She’s too nice!! She offered to run with me when I mentioned that I might like to start. I think she was serious.

I honestly told her I would need to do some work alone, I had to look better first…before I could subject myself to that. I want to sit her down and find out what she does, besides running…what’s her super-effective workout secret??

So today I made myself a promise. Kind of. I told myself I would try really hard to avoid onion rings and eat more carrots and fruit. I am going to pack a lunch instead letting myself starve until only fried grease will satisfy me. Edamame!!!! I will eat more of it!! I will FORCE myself to start working out at least every other day…. probably I will start this tomorrow….

And I will still clench my butt cheeks when I walk, because I think it’s not hurting anything.

Birthday failure


His birthday is in 3 days.

Three days!!!!


Why do I not know what to get him? All during the year I think of these amazing ideas, I tuck them somewhere in the dark recesses of my mind…so I don’t forget them. But I do forget them. Every damn time.

What does he like, what does he like.


The kids



Fancy furniture

Gold gilding

This is not a helpful list.

Usually, I fall back on the kids. Something with the kids….but I’ve done it all. A video, a digital picture frame, more pictures, photo books…….. maybe a new kid? No……..

Maybe the kids….sitting on fancy, gold gilded furniture…eating pistachios…..in Vegas…….

It’s ok. I’ll think of something.



Out of the woodwork…



A patient was referred to hospice. He’s not in the process of dying right now, but end stage dementia……

Anyway, I’ve never seen visitors with him. This isn’t abnormal. There are very few residents who have frequent, regular visitors.

Suddenly, when the family decides to initiate hospice…. a FLURRY of visitors, over the past 2 days.

I happened across one such visitor today, standing in his room, watching him as he slept. She looked uncomfortable, lost, sad. He woke up, and she left soon after. Still quiet, looking ready to cry.

I wonder who she was? Family or friend, maybe his child or grand-child even.

I wonder if they will come back again, if he doesn’t pass away as soon as they seem to think he will?

I think it must be hard for people who don’t see dementia every day, to feel comfortable interacting with someone who is suffering from it. This may be why most residents have few visitors, people may think why bother coming, if they don’t know me anyway?

Most of these residents still have quality of life, even if they can’t remember where they are or what year it is. They participate in activities, get their hair done, sing songs, and even give advice. They make friends. They laugh, they cry, they still live. They enjoy human contact.  Few are so advanced in their dementia that they are no longer able to interact in a meaningful way….and even these residents deserve someone to hold their hand, or read to them.

There but for the grace of God…….

We don’t know what our future holds. Don’t be afraid of going to these places…..nursing homes, dementia units, whatever you call them. Ignoring them doesn’t make them go away. The greatest gift you can give is your time, isn’t it? Give a little now, you might need someone else’s later….