I’m Not Proud of Myself
Dealing with my Teenage Daughter after Divorce
I posted a picture of my teenager. I love her, she’s quite lovely and nice most of the time. She’s really good at saying what I want to hear and making me feel like I’ve done such an awesome job raising her. Her father and I are divorced, and she’s been spending most of her time at my house, which I enjoy. I didn’t realize how territorial I was about her until he moved closer to us, and suddenly she wants to spend more time over there!! Now, I realize waaaaaaaayy back in the rational part of my brain that this is a good thing, and a fair thing…. but the crazy part of me, which I seem to be more in touch with has been having a hard time with it. First it was just staying there on his weekends. Ok. I can deal with that, it is after all HIS weekend, right? Then, she realizes this gives her the freedom to have sleepovers with other teen girls at his house, allowing them to be up all night, and as loud as they want as well. We’ve got little ones over here, so usually a sleepover means holing up in her bedroom and being quiet on penalty of death if she dare wake up a young’un. This amazing freedom she’s found over her dads house means now, she wants to spend ALL her weekends over there. Uh-Oh. I feel the loss, although I understand her feelings, I feel like I just got dumped. So of course, I freak out. I had a week where I literally had to stop talking to her because every time I tried, I would find myself sounding JUST like a pathetic Ex, whining about how she’s just used me all these years and she jumps ship as soon as she sees greener grass somewhere else. I was a mess. We’d hang up. I would feel horrible and apologize via text, and then try to be the good and supportive mom, until we spoke again. I KNEW I was wrong the whole time, but also felt horrible that I could not provide the environment she wanted to enjoy with her friends. It took me back to when I was her age, and I had three young siblings that meant no sleepovers EVER. I should be happy she can, right?? Well, in a perfect world. But in my world, I just wanted her dad to get sick of it all and stop having all these sleepovers so I could have my daughter back. Oh my god, what if she hasn’t even loved me this whole time, but she just didn’t have anything better to do? I know, I was pathetic. Somehow, I found the way to explain to her the feelings behind my crazy actions. I love her. I want to spend time with her. Being divorced from her dad doesn’t mean I divorced her, and to me it’s natural to see your kids every day. So we are working on this…. I still pout sometimes, I’m not going to lie. I don’t think she needs to spend ALL weekends over there, and I want to know her friends too, I think that’s important. I’m so lucky to have her, I realize (sometimes) that acting crazy is just going to drive her away. Gotta keep the crazy tucked away…. she’s growing up, and I want her to WANT to come see me even after she never has to do it again. Either that, or I need to find a good way of making her think she needs me forever….