Today, my husband noticed a pile of beer bottles in the back of our yard, at the fence line. They weren’t there yesterday.

As we looked out from the kitchen window, scenarios of how those bottles got there started to populate in my head.

Is someone casing the house? Sitting outside in the dark, boozing it up as they wait for us to go to sleep upstairs??

Random teenagers or homeless vagrants looking for an obscure place to party?

Is the raccoon a drunk?

So, I decide to take a look at the scene. Check it out for trampled vegetation, signs of someone sitting out there. Didn’t really look like it, but I did find several different brands of beer. More than 1 person maybe??

I gingerly pick up the bottles and put them in a bag to throw away, glance down at the other end of the yard, and see another pile of bottles and cans.

Now I’m remembering earlier this summer, cleaning up beer bottles back here….and wondering where they had come from then. At the time, I just thought it was a random occurrence.

I decide not to touch the other pile of bottles, you know, because it’s “evidence”. I call the police to just let them know about it. My plan is to go to the neighbors and the people behind us and ask if they’ve had any parties, or do they drink this kind of beer….do they know anything about how these bottles got in my yard? I’m still kind of worried about some random vagrant sitting back here, drinking and plotting a break in. I’m the one who stays up until 12 or 1am most nights, here in the kitchen, surrounded by windows. I hate the thought of being watched.

The police actually want to come out and see. So glad I didn’t touch the other pile of bottles now….

The officer takes a look outside with my husband. They found more bottles too…. so probably about 14 or so in total. Brands I’ve heard of, and others I haven’t….. fat tire beer???

The officer thinks its the house behind us, he’s pretty convinced. I don’t know who lives there. He takes a ride over there, and comes back soon. No one was home, but a neighbor was out, and told the officer there is a high school student living there who has a lot of friends over pretty often.

Seems the neighbor and the cop think that’s the answer.

High school boy? Friends over? ding-ding-ding!!!

I am relieved… that is much more appealing than a homeless vagrant, leering at me from the dark.

But…. what a dumbass. I don’t want to judge this kid yet, and I may never know the answer….. but if it IS him, it would make sense if he and his buddies each grabbed some beer from their houses and convened in his yard to drink it…. why there are so many different kinds….

Throwing it over the fence right behind you doesn’t make it go away, idiot.

So then, the question would be: Is this kid that stupid? Or is he just that much of an ass, to not care what he does to another persons property?

I was going to leave the bottles, just in case it turns out to be the kid and his buddies. If I were his mom, I’d make him go pick them up and apologize. Then I realized that his parents might just as easily get angry and never believe for a minute their son could do something like that….. so I picked them up. But I didn’t throw the bag away yet. In case they want some evidence or something……

And now I’m buying motion lights on Amazon to light up my yard like the Griswold’s Christmas if anything comes near the fence line…… be it dirty vagrant, or sneaky high school kid….. or drunk and stumbling raccoon.