I have one sister. I’m glad I can say she’s one of my favorite people. My sister is married, going on 3 years now. She’s turning 30 this year.
Shit. That means I’m turning 39.
Ok, I’ll forget about that sadness for a minute. My point is, how many times a week do you think my sister gets asked about WHEN the babies are coming?
She’s passed the point of “enjoying her new marriage” and she’s heading into “I wonder if they can’t have kids???”.
We talk about it.
She seems to still be pretty much on the fence. In the years before she got married, she spoke of hoards of children, at least 6. But, then people around her started having kids. Or in my case, KEPT having kids. Gave her some food for thought.
When we talk on the phone, sometimes about having kids, she is used to the fact that I can’t focus on her completely. Because I am constantly interacting with one or several of my kids at the same time. I’m giving baths, getting them dressed, making them dinner, or yelling at them to clean up their toys…I’ve told her I want her to have kids just so she can be the one going crazy at the other end of the phone for once.
She sees the amount of WORK kids can generate for you. To an “outsider”, that can be pretty scary.
I have to admit, she’s got a pretty good think going right now. She’s got a great job, a great career actually. She’s been able to travel for work and pleasure. She sleeps in when she wants. Goes to bed when she wants. Eats when and what she wants. Goes out when she wants. She can watch ANYTHING she wants on TV, at ANY time. She spends time with her husband, just the two of them. Of course she’s a responsible person, with plenty of other obligations and duties….. but it’s just not the same as when you have kids. They do control your life. Just a little.
I don’t blame her for waiting.
I’m not saying I wish I’d waited. But I can see why someone without kids would want to wait…. And I can even see why people decide not to have kids. It’s the biggest job, the biggest commitment, the biggest THING some of us will ever do.
I will never forget how I felt when I found out I was pregnant for the very first time. SHOCK. FEAR. Excitement, giddiness, followed by that emptiness in the pit of my stomach…that “OH God, what did I just DO” feeling. That feeling that means things have just changed in a big way. The knowledge that there is no going back. I’ll never forget it.
I’ll also never forget the overwhelming sense of love I’ve felt for each of my kids. I’ve tried to explain to my sister as I’ve discussed the Pro’s and Con’s of bringing forth the fruit of my womb into this world. I admit, sometimes I’m afraid the Con’s outweigh the Pro’s, some days they definitely do.
I guess when it ends up being is a series of great moments that make IT worthwhile, those moments swimming in a sea of never ending laundry, diaper changing, missing puzzle pieces, teenage angst, and the impossibility of making everyone happy at the same time. Those moments are what you reach for, and hold onto for dear life, allowing you to keep treading water for a bit longer.
Is it worth it? God, I hope so. Right now, I feel it is. For ME it is.
But say I was someone who never had kids, would I buy all that crazy talk about how just knowing you helped create that little person is so worth the massive change to my lifestyle? Is it really rewarding enough to give up life as you know it?
I DON’T think it’s selfish for someone to not have kids. I mean, yea, it’s selfish in the very basic sense of the word. But that’s not a bad selfish. No one should have kids because they feel pressured to do it. Or because they feel they have an obligation. Or because society dictates that they SHOULD, because they’ve been married long enough and for some reason there is a time limit on the number of years you are allowed to just enjoy living with your spouse. You know why we get pissed at people who choose NOT to have kids? Personally, I think those people just want the rest of the world to be as sleep deprived and bitchy as the rest of us can be. Hell NO, you childless people are NOT going to have all the fun! Selfish bitches! Get pregnant!!
I think it’s ok to have kids, or not. I think my sis will probably end up taking the plunge, I can’t say I wouldn’t be crazy excited if she did. I would love to dote on a newborn without having PPD to ruin it for me! I expect she won’t be able to resist, and one day I will hold that little bundle of brown eyed cuteness that she is sure to produce. Or not. Whatever is ok. Because I definitely have enough to share with her. And now that they can all talk, and remind her that they need things like food and water sometimes…. I would almost trust her alone with them……