She wanted to talk to me.
She’s having trouble sleeping, but doesn’t want the kids to know. They already worry too much about her. She doesn’t want to be a burden, already feels like she’s a burden.
Her daughter called her three times during our talk, our 20 minute visit.
They worry about her, they push her to do things for herself… walk more, exercise, socialize. But she’s tired of pushing herself.
She’s sad, and anxious, and not demented at all. She’s smart, but her body can’t keep up with her mind.
When did the roles change?
Why do they make decisions for her? Why do they tell her what to do, when to do it, how to do it?
She always feels like she’s disappointing them. She can’t reach the goals they set. Her frailty frustrates her. She’s letting them down, they deserve better, she’s just in the way.
How can she stop feeling like a burden? How can she stop them from feeling like she’s their responsibility?
I’ll bet she can remember holding her chubby babies. Feeding, bathing, loving them. Nurturing them, raising them, watching them grow up as she grew old.
I see her. I SEE her. One day, I could be her.
My words don’t fix things, but she’s grateful for the time we spent. I can’t change how she feels, and I can’t make them feel like they don’t NEED to care for her. It’s out of love and the duty that comes with love.
But…it still sucks.