My little monster


Don’t be fooled by my innocent smile…..


I just want to say, the 15 year old was right. As much as I hate to agree, his baby sister is kind of a monster. Sometimes.

She loves school, grabs my hand and drags me into the building in the morning, and is beaming when I pick her up at the end of the day. She believes it is “her” classroom, and the other kids and teachers are there for her entertainment. She does not miss me at ALL.

Monster, right?

And suddenly, she’s way more independent and impatient with the rest of us. As I’m sitting in the car, waiting for the cars in front of me to move so we can park and walk in….she starts to get belligerent in the back seat. “Mommy!, why are we taking so long! My teacher is waiting for me!” She doesn’t seem to care that I literally can’t get out of the car yet, and so threatens to stop being my best friend if I dare continue to keep her away from the teachers who are desperately waiting for her inside.

On the way home yesterday, she is holding her water bottle in the back–thirsty after school. As I’m on the highway, and in no way able to turn around and help her, she decides she can’t hold it a second longer and I need to take it from her now, now, NOW!

I tell her no, hold it herself…. and Sammy starts to talk about wanting to go out to eat somewhere. He’s listing the choices of places for me to choose from, and Jenna breaks in:

“Well, YOU both can go, I’M not going with you! I’m going to stay home all by myself!” (Complete with wide eyes and head bobbing for emphasis) “Because YOU won’t hold my water bottle!”

We have some back and forth, with her emphatic that she will stay home alone, and will also not let anyone in to HER house, and me wondering if I’m going to get pegged with a water bottle in the back of the head…..

And poor Sammy in the background trying to tell me “don’t talk to her momma….” (because she’s mean of course….)

As much as I worry about her strong, super sized personality…… I still love it. I love the attitude and I love knowing she’s got something I never had at her age–call it confidence, bravado, an unrealistic sense of self importance…whatever…..  she’s not afraid to speak up for herself and it took me decades before I could do that.

And then late last night she called out for me, having a bad dream and wanted me to sleep next to her. And I loved cuddling up to her… was great for about 5 minutes…. then she asked me to move over and stop touching her 😦

Definitely monster.



Reiki in the face

So my oldest is really stressing….spending the majority of her days in the library, studying for finals. Chemistry is not fun. This is a class most of us walk away from and never look back.

She really, really wants to walk away.

Called me tonight, just DONE with studying. I think she’s reached the point that it’s actually harmful for her to continue. We talked briefly, she’s tired and worried. She’s always been a worrier, kind of like me. If my assumption is correct, she is probably balancing her future on this test tomorrow, and has reached the conclusion that failure will surely have her living under a bridge.

Oh… she won’t live under a bridge. I know it, somewhere inside, she knows it. But of course I want to give her that extra motivation, that little spark she needs right now to believe in herself.

In the past, when she used to get a tummy ache, or something similar… I made up this little thing where I’d “pull out the pain”. Kind of swirl my hand around and pretend I was grabbing the offending pain and throw it away….. it made her feel better, at least  mentally.

Then we had the “dream magic”… during the bad dream phase. I made up a little rhyme, “Bibbity, Bobbity, Boo…. only good dreams to come through”… during this time I’m swirling my hand in a pattern around her head, then finish with a “Bippity… Bobbity… BOO!” with each word I’m reenacting a TV evangelist as they shake the demon out of the poor saps head…. she loved it!  In fact, the 5 year old swears by the “dream magic” these days…and makes sure I give him a good dose each night.

These things worked at that age for her…. but right now it’s a little harder to find a way to boost her confidence, calm her down, yet lift her up.

So, I told her I was going to try my hand at my own version of Reiki, with absolutely no training. I’m just going to blast her with a boatload of positive energy. Right in the face. I’m gathering it up, a big ball of positivity, swirling happy thoughts and also any random tips on calculating PH out there in the cosmos…. and I’m just throwing handfuls of it at her. And there it goes, glittering and shining all over her. Oh… it’s making her sneeze, that’s so cute.

Feel like throwing some good luck energy out there??  Just focus on my 18 year old, she’s the one freaking out right now in Columbus, awaiting her test around 11am tomorrow. Just gather up some positive thoughts, chemistry facts, and virtual chocolate… and shower her with it.



My biggest critic


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The oldest is fortunate enough to get my blogs posted to her wall on Facebook so she doesn’t even have to strain herself to find and read them. It’s my way of keeping her posted on the goings-on in the house, and in my head.

Somehow, somewhere along the way, she has designated herself to be my official critic. She is pretty harsh sometimes, and I find myself getting strangely frustrated when I see a 6/10 on a post that I thought was at least a solid 8. Feels like I’m back in my first writing class in college……

let’s be honest you’ll probably never gain enough self-control but I like the optimism, 6.5/10

I enjoy that you’ve accepted defeat, since you have 4 kids there’s no way you’ll ever win. and I love how mean Jenna is, she’s got spunk. I’ll give it an 8/10

I’ll give it an 9/10 because I like how passive aggressive you’re being with Gasan and I enjoy your sarcasm

aww this made me sad. you have a 10/10 forehead and you’ll still be hot when you’re all wrinkly :))

you’re a ho ho. I don’t like that you’re being healthy, it makes me feel like I should change my lifestyle and I’m not ready for that. 6/10 for unintentionally shaming me
I have found that she tends to be a little more forgiving with her grading system when she’s feeling sorry for me for 1. having so many kids, 2. having so many kids and so many wrinkles, and also she seems to like it when I’m being snarky.

I’m not going lie, I now find myself anticipating her judgment, and also find her awesomely sarcastic and amusing. I wonder if she thinks her personality is anything like mine??


She made it!!!

Didn't this just happen yesterday????

Didn’t this just happen yesterday????

How I feel about the oldest finishing high school.

I sat there today, watching the class file into their seats, a sea of green robes and hanging tassels.

How funny that I knew her right away, although she looked like everyone else from that distance. We were looking at the shoes actually, I knew I’d find her if I just watched for the sandals she stole out of my closet this morning. After I zoomed in, I made sure-yep, she’s wearing my shoes.

I started crying right away, surprising myself. I was so rushed this morning, and so excited…. I had forgotten that I might get emotional. I certainly didn’t expect it to happen before her name was called.

But the eyes watered, and the tears flowed as I let the truth settle in…. this was IT. In a way, a relief…. one out of 4 officially graduated, I could count myself successful with this one so far.

And little moments kept coming to mind, her birth, her preschool graduation (yellow robe that day), and the years of teen angst that seem to have magically dissipated by this time. How funny that all those hours sitting up in her room, studying (while watching equal hours of Netflix) is over. Her time here is growing shorter, and her room will be empty soon-waiting for her to visit.

And so they start calling the names. We are asked to all be quiet until the last name is called. At first this happens, but soon families and friends let out yells, whistles, claps for some graduates. I’m sitting next to my sister, and we debate for about 30 minutes about if we will yell out or not. I’ve NEVER done it. Even at the T-ball, and later softball games. I always wanted to be the parent yelling encouragement, but never could bring myself to do it. This is my last chance!!

So we agree. I’ll yell her name, and my sister will make some appropriate noise of encouragement. We’ll both clap. We shake on it, no one can back out. And……there she was!!!  We watched her as she followed the line of students, awaiting their turn to walk across the stage. And I heard her name called, and I yelled out to her, clapping and smiling like an idiot. But I wasn’t embarrassed in that moment, instead just bursting with pride.

I pushed her during school, always harping on her grades, talking about her future. She was in advanced placement classes, at times completely frazzled with the amount of studying and homework required while continuing to play varsity softball and keep up with her responsibilities at home . She would often be up late to study after a game. I knew her GPA… but it wasn’t until I saw the program, and saw how she had achieved every possible honor and was listed Summa Cum Laude, that it struck me. She DID that…. she didn’t give up, she struggled, she sacrificed, and she made it.

So, how do I feel??

Of course the expected happy, proud, excited, nostalgic…..

And a little awed.

All this time, I’ve been a little worried. Thinking she’s still a KID….worried she may not be ready to go off to college and be in the “real world”….

I may not have given her enough credit. She’s got her act together. She’s going to kick ass in college….and in life.