The full college experience

sickchirpse.com

sickchirpse.com

So I learned what “molly” is the other day.

The key to learning a new definition, I believe, is to hear it used in a sentence first….to put it into the proper perspective.

Such as:

“MOM…. the guy just snorted molly off  my desk”

Right away I think “This probably isn’t something good… is that cocaine? Is that what they’re calling cocaine now?”

horrified.

No. I’m quick to learn it’s not. It’s ecstasy, everyone seems to already know this but me.

And how did this happen?

The roommate, along with several friends who had already been busted for drinking in someone else’s dorm room… decided it would be a good idea to just bring the party to another room.

Because for sure, no one would ever catch them again.

I learned another term… “pregaming”…  thanks urbandictionary.com

pre·game
ˈprēˌɡām/
North American
verb

informal
gerund or present participle: pregaming
  1. (especially of a person who is underage) drink alcohol before attending an event or social function.
    “a lot of the teenagers had pregamed before they got there”

So, this group of people was pregaming in my daughters dorm room, before going out one night. They were going to leave soon, so she’d have the room to herself to study later. She walks in on them, she left her phone charger in the room and had to come back. Finds them with bottles of booze, hanging out. She had told the roommate ahead of time she wasn’t going to be around if people were drinking, but didn’t want to prohibit the girl from having her fun.  As she is there, a guy puts some white powder on her desk and snorts it with a dollar bill.

She then decided it was time for them to leave. Right now.

Calls me, fuming. “He did it on MY DESK!” Hating that her belongings are now somehow tainted.

We are both getting an education right now.

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Did I just buy Heroin??

I may have just spent $200 on Heroin. Or maybe cocaine, alcohol, narcotics… I’m not sure.

I didn’t want to do it. I was mad, worried, and hopeful that I was just being suspicious.

But I did it. Because I didn’t have the guts to say no.

To my brother.

Because I love him. And he went through rehab. And I want to believe he really needed the money to fix his car.

But did he really need me to western union him the money right NOW on a Saturday night?

So urgently did he call, and text. I tried to ignore it because he just got my sister and my parents to send him money for this car last week. Last week when he was also urgently calling and texting me, but thank god I was at work so could not get back to him. The problem is, his car WAS impounded, I think. That’s what he needed it for last week, to get it out of the impound lot. This week, he needs the money to pay for the parts before the mechanic will order them because my brother doesn’t have car insurance…and the guy doesn’t want to get screwed.

Well, it sounds like it COULD be legit.

And I really want to believe that he is still clean.

But as he’s telling me this story yesterday…..and sounding so believable. And so much like my little brother who I love and want to protect….I have this inner voice just screaming at me, how STUPID can you be to listen to this guy!!! This is the guy who lied to your face, EVERYONE’s face before you forced him into rehab and you ALL wanted to believe him then too!! And really, as I am listening to him complain about the mechanic, and how horrible he feels for asking for money, I hear him and it’s so hard to turn my back on him. It’s so hard to hear that voice and remember that it might sound like him, but it’s probably the drugs talking. Again.

What mechanic needs $200 on a Saturday night suddenly right NOW, causing little brother to start calling and texting me and my sister, until he got one of us to call him back, or finally answer. His desperation. Now that it’s over, I see how desperate he was. TOO desperate for just car parts… especially for a car that he doesn’t even need, he doesn’t even have a job that he needs to drive to!

I hated him and loved him as I heard his voice, the hope in it, and the shame in it. I hated myself for not being strong enough, for not knowing the “right thing” to say….the right question to ask that would allow him to admit what he’s been up to. I alternated between yelling at him and telling him I loved him. I elicited promises from him that the money was truly for his car. He gave me the name of the mechanic, the name of his shop. So it must be legit, right??? I told him NEVER to ask me for money again, I would not give it. Then I apologized. I told him if he is screwing me over I will never ever speak to him again. Then I apologized. I told him he has to pay me back, and I apologized again for being suspicious. All the while still suspicious. I hate this!! I told him I wish I could just lock him up in my basement, he laughed. I made him promise to get me documentation from the mechanic showing the cost of the parts, and receipt of my $200. Of course, he promised. I felt horrible saying these things, not wanting to hurt him, not wanting him to feel I don’t believe in him.

I did it because I was afraid that he might be telling the truth…..and how would I feel knowing I let him down if he really needed my help? But I’m an ass. Because truth or not, I don’t trust him yet. I might not ever, and I think I just bought him drugs.

After I wired the money, he must have called 5 times. It wasn’t there fast enough. Then the fraud department from Western Union called me. Weird questions. What is my relationship to this person, how old am I, what main road do I live by…. the last question I really had a hard time with. “Ma’am, did you want to send this money?” I sputtered around, “What do you mean? Do you know something I don’t?” “Are you asking if I’m being coerced??” The lady didn’t directly answer that. She kind of laughed, and asked again. “Ma’am, I just need to know if you did really want to send this money?”

“NO.” I told her, truthfully. “I really didn’t want to, but he said he needed it, so I felt like I had to.”

She said she understood.

I wish I understood. I wish I hadn’t done it.

Heroin. I want to punch you in the face.