The great escape

escape

Conclusion of the Roommate Saga…..

So the daughter had been waiting, and waiting to get assigned to a new room at college. In the meantime, the relationship between her and the roommate deteriorates. No longer speaking much, avoiding each other…. and my kid still hasn’t figured out how to stand up for herself.

Last straw for me, hearing about the most recent passive aggressive dispute over printer ink and Ramen noodles. It’s time to move out! Rachel finally, FINALLY responded to a bitchy comment in a semi-bitchy way (over text), and was then trying to figure out how to avoid the girl indefinitely as it is impossible for her to participate in a conflict in person.

The straw that broke the camels back......

The straw that broke the camels back……

She has a friend with a room available to share. Both girls have submitted their request to housing to live with each other. It seems like weeks have gone by, probably because they have…. and still no word. She calls housing again to find out that “the person who makes those decisions is gone until the middle of next week”.

So I made a decision last night. I’ve listened to this long enough. It’s killing me that she isn’t at least standing up for herself. She is allowing someone to literally bully her for NOT sleeping around and getting wasted regularly. She is giving someone power over her feelings and thoughts, someone who continues to make bad and self destructive choices herself.

I called housing this morning.

I didn’t rant or rave. I did say that I found it hard to believe no one else could authorize a room change for yet another week, forcing my daughter to live in conditions I wasn’t comfortable with. Seems like SOMEONE could give a quick OK.

It was that easy. Within hours they had called my daughter and her friend and given the ok to move her things.

So she escaped.

Yes, I do feel like I caved, but I also think it’s ok. She’s still a kid, only 18. Geez, I didn’t learn how to channel my inner bitchiness until well into my 20’s…. she’ll get there. 😉

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Roommate saga continued…..

room

So the daughter has settled into the nightmare of her roommate situation. I get the update during major upsets like when the girl somehow uses my daughters uber account at 1am to get rides from bar to bar, and the drivers are calling my kid and waking her up to let her know they are there. How did she get that account info? No idea.

I hear about the variety of used condoms that this girl keeps on her desk for some reason…..for days at a time. Uck. In bright and very festive colors, and her habit of using my daughters things and then leaving them dirty and on my daughters desk for her to clean up.

Normal roommate problems like lack of privacy, lack of cleanliness….. and other things like bringing alcohol and drugs into the room. All sorts of annoying things in between.

I have talked and talked to her, tried to get her to SAY SOMETHING to this girl….. along the lines of, “Hey, I don’t like this….”, or “No, it’s not ok for you to bring another nameless guy over and expect me to find somewhere else to sleep again”. But, in her fear of causing conflict, she remains silent.

So instead of discussing this, and finding out if this girl is just completely blind to what havoc she’s creating, or really the selfish groupie she appears to be, Rachel just decided to request a room change.

Her plan is to get a new room assignment, and then maybe tell the girl as she’s moving out… or maybe just move out secretly and not tell her at all.

I think this is not the best idea.

I have given all the unsolicited advice I can think of. At LEAST give this girl the opportunity to respond to your complaints. See if there is a way to work things out. You never know if your next situation will be better or worse.

She seems to think she knows this girls personality well enough by now….and that anything she says will end up making things worse.

Maybe she’s right. She is living with her, knows her better than I do. From what I’ve heard, I do think living together would always suck…but maybe it could suck less…..

It’s hard watching this, knowing I can’t fix it for her.

The full college experience

sickchirpse.com

sickchirpse.com

So I learned what “molly” is the other day.

The key to learning a new definition, I believe, is to hear it used in a sentence first….to put it into the proper perspective.

Such as:

“MOM…. the guy just snorted molly off  my desk”

Right away I think “This probably isn’t something good… is that cocaine? Is that what they’re calling cocaine now?”

horrified.

No. I’m quick to learn it’s not. It’s ecstasy, everyone seems to already know this but me.

And how did this happen?

The roommate, along with several friends who had already been busted for drinking in someone else’s dorm room… decided it would be a good idea to just bring the party to another room.

Because for sure, no one would ever catch them again.

I learned another term… “pregaming”…  thanks urbandictionary.com

pre·game
ˈprēˌɡām/
North American
verb

informal
gerund or present participle: pregaming
  1. (especially of a person who is underage) drink alcohol before attending an event or social function.
    “a lot of the teenagers had pregamed before they got there”

So, this group of people was pregaming in my daughters dorm room, before going out one night. They were going to leave soon, so she’d have the room to herself to study later. She walks in on them, she left her phone charger in the room and had to come back. Finds them with bottles of booze, hanging out. She had told the roommate ahead of time she wasn’t going to be around if people were drinking, but didn’t want to prohibit the girl from having her fun.  As she is there, a guy puts some white powder on her desk and snorts it with a dollar bill.

She then decided it was time for them to leave. Right now.

Calls me, fuming. “He did it on MY DESK!” Hating that her belongings are now somehow tainted.

We are both getting an education right now.

Roommate problems…

images

Here is a scenario. Completely made up.

Say, there is a girl who just went to college, like almost 2 weeks ago. And this girl thought she did a good job “screening” her roommate before they decided to bunk together. They hung out several times over the summer, and talked enough that she felt they had plenty in common. Rooming together would be great fun.

And let’s pretend that when they moved in together, this girl found out that her roommate was not quite what she expected.

Like maybe the roommate brought strange guys into the room at odd hours of the night/morning when the girl was trying to sleep. Because it’s always fun to wake up at 2am with a strange man looking into your face.

And maybe the roommate hooked up with more random guys while the girl was at class, and she had the pleasure of walking in on them when she came back to the room to study and go to bed, so instead went to sleep in another friends room because her room was full of people having sex.

And what if, this roommate actually started to pick on the girl for not hooking up with anyone yet…. because they’ve been away from parental authority for like 10 days, what the hell is she waiting for?

Gosh. Wouldn’t that suck?

Gone.

We made it to the campus. Only cried once so far.

We made it to the campus, and found somewhere to park!  Only cried once so far.

Got a golf-cart ride to the dorm… and I sat with my sister for an hour, waiting for Rachel and her dad to get the ok to unload the car. Cried a few times, once heavily.

Oh...she's embarrassed!!! YES.

Oh…she’s embarrassed!!! YES.

It was a strange feeling for me. Watching these kids, and the amounts of energy they put forth. You could FEEL the opportunity, the fun, the excitement…. I got caught up in the rush myself, wishing I’d had the chance to experience this when I was her age. So grateful that she is here, part of this…. and yet I’m still terrified to leave her here.

The door. Just about to be opened for the first time.

The door. Just about to be opened for the first time.

First steps into the room.

First steps into the room.

My sunglasses were kept on as we navigated the stairs and halls, and I managed to smile during my silent sobbing.

Still able to smile. This is a good thing.

Still able to smile. This is a good thing.

We unpacked, kind of. Bunked the beds, it took all 4 of us. Later found out maintenance could have done it for us…. something to remember for next time. Decided to get some lunch while her roommate was on her way to the room with her own family. Saying goodbye was not yet imminent, so I was actually hungry…. enjoying the last hours with her.

After eating, a trip to the bookstore, and a trip to Target….all within walking distance of her dorm… we headed back.

Now is the hard(est) part.

Saying goodbye.

I’m crying right now, thinking about it. It still feels so weird that she’s THERE…. for so LONG…… Ugh.

Her pushing me out the door.

Her pushing me out the door.

No, she didn’t really push me out the door. She was gracious, telling me I could stay as long as I wanted. But I knew I needed to let her get to it. I knew I needed to go…. but it was hard. Actually harder than I expected. Because it was finally real. My eyes are still puffy. Sunglasses back on, but they kept fogging up as I needed just one more hug, and then just one more hug again…..

We texted as I walked to the car with my sister.

We talked on the phone that first evening-last night. and texted goodnights.

I had a horrible sleep.

She texted this morning that she was still alive. And later, as late as I could possibly stand to wait… I got to see her face again.

Aaaaahhhhh, facetime. How I love it.

One day at a time………

9 LAST days and counting

us

Oooohhhh…… she’s leaving me. In 9 days, she will be gone.

I’ve reached the point of “lasts”…. Yesterday was “probably” our last walk up to Mitchell’s for ice cream. I tried to immortalize the moment.

gone

She wasn’t having it.

Every moment is a new last moment, before she goes. It’s hitting me pretty hard, I fear it gets worse. I’m doing all sorts of weird things to remember EVERY MOMENT before she leaves.

our shadows. After our LAST walk for ice cream.

our shadows. After our LAST walk for ice cream.

I took her and one of her good friends to lunch today, a goodbye lunch. our LAST lunch at Vieng’s Asian Bistro. I’m trying to remember everything. Every last precious minute.

Is this strange? Do I not realize that she will still be allowed to contact me, to come home when she wants? Of course I know this, but I also know it will never be the SAME. Her first visits home I think will be a relief, she will miss us. I’m 99% sure of this. But as she settles in, and she starts to get used to living away….. her trips home may feel stifling. Right? I think that’s how it works. She won’t feel like the same person, for her going back to school will be “home”, when she’s done with her visit here. She will be relieved to get back to her life.

She will transform, without my help or influence.

It’s a painful, exciting, scary, beautiful thing.