A grand tradition

Sammy had another loose tooth. It’s been really hanging on for the last few days, despite the fact he could make it lie down in his mouth and we could see the tooth coming up under it. It just wouldn’t let go.

Yesterday it got to be a little much. He couldn’t chew anything because his top teeth kept hitting the loose one, and hurting him. I had to cut up everything for him, and still he didn’t want to chew. Got him a milkshake just for the calories.

Didn’t want to brush his teeth.

I half-heartedly tried to pull it out, but I know I choked at the last second and instead of pulling it, I just made it bleed.

I needed a professional.

Someone with impeccable references, who knows just the right way to handle a skittish kindergartner, still new to the tooth pulling game.

My dad.

The guy has decades of experience, and a box full of baby teeth to prove it.

He’s the one we went to when we couldn’t stand it anymore.

The great thing about it was, he was willing to pretend with you, like he was just going to wiggle it…. but we all knew what we wanted to happen.

There were 5 of us kids, so he had plenty of time to polish his skills. It went something like this…….

Someone would alert dad about the loose tooth. Usually the person suffering from it. It would be a dance back and forth, the kid wanting to show him, wanting him to ultimately pull it out, but afraid and so then backing up…. making him promise NOT to pull it out.

Ok…Ok  he’d say… I’ll just LOOK at it. Just wiggle it a little. He had to make sure it was ready, dad was never one to undertake the task prematurely.

He’d get the tissue, dry off the tooth, allow us to bob and weave away from the hand, talking softly and keeping calm so as not to spook us.

We’d work up to keeping our mouth open, letting him hold on to that tooth….and he’d place a steadying hand on a shoulder.

Probably with some internal countdown, 3….2….1….. YANK!  Suddenly, the hand is gone… the tooth……is gone!

And there would be dad, holding up the bloody tissue, with tooth nestled inside.

Of course, since we always pretended he wasn’t going to pull it, there was some excitement, jumping around, Oh my gosh, my tooth is out! Rinsing out with warm water, and proudly displaying the new space in our mouth.

It was such a relief.

So Sammy joined the ranks tonight. Stopped at dads for an emergency tooth pulling, he performed as brilliantly as always. Sammy came home and stuffed himself with snacks, grateful for the ability to chew without pain or care. Brushed teeth happily, went to bed smiling.

Another satisfied customer. toothaa

Hidden meanings

It was probably about a week ago, I was talking to my 16 year old while she was using my laptop to play songs on Youtube.

You know that Beyoncé song….. drunk in love??

“Drunk in looooooooove”…. it’s catchy, really.

So, it’s on and I’m listening to the words, and ask “What’s surfboarding?”

“MOM!” “Oh my God!” You don’t KNOW???!!!

I’m referred to urbandictionary.com like, right now.

Oh. Well. Ok then. I’ve become my own mother. That older, hopefully sexless woman who should just NOT ask questions that might lead to a discussion of a sexual nature. And by the way, how does my DAUGHTER know what that means???  Because it’s COOL to know what that means. Because there are sites like urbandictionary.com, bless it’s heart, to teach her when she wonders the same thing.

Days later.

Although I don’t love the song, it’s in my head and I find myself just spouting off phrases. “I’ve been drankin’, watermelon”…… somehow  the way she speaks those phrases just sticks in my head. So we’re in Target, and I’m all “Surfboard”……. “Watermelon”……… “I’ve been drankin'”…… when that same 16 year old has to spoil it all by saying, Mom….do you even know what she’s talking about?

Duh. She loves her husband. She’s “drunk” in love with him. she’s been drinking. something that tastes like watermelon. Obviously she’s drunk. She’s TALKING like she’s drunk….. and by the way, drinking is bad, you should NOT do that. See what happens when you drink?? This surfboard thing. You should definitely NEVER do that……

Oh no. I am completely off base. Do you know that song is like a whole secret code for sexy nastiness? I can’t believe I am basically yelling out these phrases, around my CHILDREN for God’s sake…. and I have no idea what I’m talking about!! Back to urbandictionary.com. Well, yes, that does sum it up pretty nicely. Huh. I had NO IDEA Drankin’ meant THAT. Watermelon!! Really??!! Oh. God. Ugh. And now I feel like I have Tourette’s and I’m just compelled to belt out these phrases because Dammit they are still catchy!!!

Why couldn’t she have just been singing about watermelon Vodka??

Lesson learned. Now I’m afraid to speak.

Sure, I might be telling you I’m going to cut the crust of your peanut butter and jelly sandwich….but what am I REALLY saying?? Better check that out… Or at work, “Ok Mr. Smith, I need to check your lungs and listen to your abdomen. Yeah… lungs… you know what SHE’S talking about….. I’m totally paranoid. I need an app to check everything I’m saying to make sure I’m not soliciting sex from anyone, or selling any of my kids into slavery unintentionally.

This is how I felt in high school…. I never KNEW half the stuff that was going on around me, just went over my head! Kept me out of trouble then, since I didn’t even realize all the trouble I could have gotten into. but now, I need to be in on these hidden meanings, for no other reason than to catch any of my kids who even think of getting away with anything shady.

Surely other people my age, my peers are in the same boat. My best friend, same age…. on the phone with her tonight. I tell her I’m going tomorrow to get a facial, and ask if she wants to grab a quick lunch after. Her response? 

“Facial… you said facial….he he he”.

Really??!