Dear Puke:

The “puke bowl” which has remained puke free while the house is christened with vomit

Was it necessary to lure my son into a false sense of security…… allowing him to eat hard boiled eggs, black olives, hummus, and pickles RIGHT before you decide to make a grand entrance??

Was it necessary to wait until he was cuddled up in the middle of my bed for a nap, surrounded by fluffy pillows and all of his little blankets?

Have you also been thinking that it’s time for a new bedspread? And sheets? And pillows? And mattress???

You probably think I’ve gotten soft, a little too comfortable, since you’ve been away for the past 10 months. Did you think we’d forgotten you?

I assure you, you will never be forgotten.

All the times you’ve erupted from an unsuspecting child, into my lap, my hair, down my back (remember that time??), sometimes the sink or the toilet…. I promise, I will not forget you.

All the times I’ve held my sick baby close to me, and then you decide to show up and make it a party. Thank you. I love laundry. The kids love the pretty colors, you never look the same twice. It’s a neat trick.

Now, the 4 year old seems pretty excited to see you again today. He just asked me for another pickle, and I asked him if he was on crack. We both said no.

It’s not that I don’t appreciate the random beauty of your nature. It’s a gift that you can ALWAYS catch us off guard. But, I can’t make it that easy for you. Despite the years we’ve known each other, the odd situations we find ourselves meeting in…. I can’t say you are a “friend”. But, I will acknowledge you when we meet, and treat you with the very careful respect you deserve. You can be sure, I will never ignore you.

And thanks, really, for keeping me on my toes.

And for the new bedding I will be purchasing, as soon as I know you are gone.