Author Archives: momsranting

The Courtship

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imvu.com

imvu.com

They met on Facebook. Then texting, finally talking on the phone.

I was kept updated as things progressed. As she went from hundreds of candidates, to one.

They had so  much in common. Went to the same concert once, sat in the same row. Was it fate??

Both embarking on a journey, deciding if they want to share the experience.

Finally. It was time to meet.

They met at my house, and drove together from here. Big smiles and “hello’s” all around before they left.

And then the waiting.

A text update to me during a bathroom break..”I’m so nervous!”

More updates later: “We went shopping and now we’re at Mitchell’s. We’re bonding, I think this is going well.”

Dancing around the BIG QUESTION…. feeling each other out.

And then, it happened.

“Mom, we’re rooming together!”

She picked a roommate for college. They picked each other. With wide and hopeful smiles, they then moved to picking out all the things they are going to do to their dorm room, to make it “theirs.”

I swear this was more stressful than a first date. At the end of the night, I felt like we should be announcing an engagement…..it felt so HUGE.

And it was, wasn’t it??

Pay it forward

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auroracommunity.org

auroracommunity.org

Once, years and years ago, I was out to dinner with my two oldest kids. This is way before I had the two youngest.

Our waitress came and the end of our meal to tell us our dinner had been paid for, by a gentleman who made a habit of coming to that restaurant and picking a new family to pay for each time. On that day, he picked us!

It was a nice feeling, but also kind of embarrassing. I wondered if I somehow looked in need. I was grateful it wasn’t a big bill or it would have made me more uncomfortable to have a stranger pay for us. I really didn’t get the concept of paying it forward. I never considered that it probably made that man feel good to do it for us. I never considered turning around and doing the same thing for another family.

Fast forward years later.

I hear from a friend about how she had started paying for the person behind her in line at fast food places, Starbucks and the like.

I thought it was a great idea, and started to do the same.

I was told once that the longest line of “paying it forward” at a particular Starbucks was 6 customers…6 people who not only appreciated a kind gesture, but took the next step to keep it going. Something that went right over my head years ago for some reason.

Now when I get in line at the drive through, I glance at the person behind me in my mirror. Wonder if they are stressed out, flustered, having any kind of a bad day. I listen as they order, if I can, and applaud them silently when they order the lemon pound cake with their coffee, calories be damned…

I like the feeling I have as I drive away, and I like that I remain anonymous to these people.

It’s not about being thanked, or needing the recognition from someone you choose to be kind to. I like how I’ve heard it described by the person who inspired me to think more of others. It’s more about sharing positive feelings, letting them out there and hoping they keep flowing.

Small things, cups of coffee, a box of diapers on the doorstep of that family with the new baby, even an extra big tip for your waiter/waitress.

And imagine how small acts might inspire big changes as they ripple from person to person to person…

Perspective

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wasting money

Talking to my sister on the phone today.

We both signed up for this program called stitch fix a few months ago (stitchfix.com). You sign up and give a bunch of info about your style and every month you can get a box of clothing/accessories to fit your style profile. Keep what you want, send the rest back. Totally indulgent. But fun.

She opens her box while we are talking, and starts gushing about all the clothes, she loves them all. She always loves them all.

I usually keep one thing and send the rest back.

So I complain out loud to her, while my oldest is next to me, “why do YOU get all the good fixes, why can’t I get a box I love?!”

And my daughter looks at me.

“Yea mom, cause I’m sure all the starving kids in Africa don’t like their stitch fixes either.”

Right.

exactly. quoteessays.com

exactly.
quoteessays.com

tantrum or possession??

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Last night, I attempted to put Jenna to bed.

It was late, because we just kind of dragged our feet, and it was Friday, and then daddy came home and things got delayed even more….

We did the potty thing, the teeth brushing thing…. and then got settled in bed.

I am not sure what happened next, it was like a flip switched and suddenly I had this feral child trying to escape from me. There was screaming. A LOT of screaming. The kind that has to be shredding the back of her throat, yet she continued. A lot of trying to climb off the bed, a lot of “Mommy!!!!! I want downstairs!!!!”.

Her distress prompted a couple visits from daddy, convinced I was torturing her, and wanting me to let  her come back downstairs.

I finally gave in. Wouldn’t you know it…. she screamed downstairs too??

It was one of those fits that has to just taper off…..no matter how long it takes. She was too far gone to rationalize this.

Back upstairs. I thought if I held her firmly, not TIGHT, this might help calm her down. In the same way you wrap the psych ward patients in a straight jacket and maybe a cold, wet, tightly wrapped sheet during an outburst.

I held her in my swaddling way…. speaking softly and trying to calm her down.

This is when she started to really scare me. She may have been speaking in guttural Latin, I’m not sure. Bucking and thrashing with superhuman strength, I fully expected a glowing pentagram to show up on her forehead and for her to start biting my face.

I let go, didn’t seem to help after all.

Somehow it ended… Oh yea, I was back downstairs with her by then. Sitting in a kitchen chair. Googling 2 year tantrums and child possessions.

Guess what happened at 3am?

More of the same. This time screaming for popcorn, downstairs, water.

Fell asleep as I sat holding her on the kitchen floor, after drinking water and screaming a bit more.

This morning she woke up late. So did I. We were in my bed, me terrified to move until she wakes up.

Her little shaggy head pops up, and her little voice chirps “Hi Mommy!, I want Paw Patrol!” Seems completely normal again. But I don’t trust her.

I will not turn my back on her....

I will not turn my back on her….

Manifestation vibration

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jayvonspreck.com

jayvonspreck.com

I mentioned before that I am a big reader. I will read pretty much anything, especially if I can download it for free on my kindle.

I came across a catchy tidbit that will teach me the 18 Universal Laws…. to change my life. I haven’t finished it yet, and I hesitate to share it because everyone might run out there and read it to completion, and manifest all sorts of things to make their lives better, depleting the universe of all the greatness that I want for myself. So…..sorry. You’ll have to figure it out on your own.

I will give you a little sneak peek though.

Now remember, I haven’t finished it. I might be missing some powerful information. But so far… if you want love, money, fame, or really ANYTHING, you just have to believe you want it. You deserve it. You expect it.

And then vibrate more.

Oversimplifying? I have no idea!

We all vibrate, you know, on an atomic level. Remember science class, protons, neutrons, electrons… everything has a charge and all those little atoms are literally just vibrating with energy?? I imagine that is the vibrating we are to be thinking about, and we just need to find a way to amp it up. I guess it’s pretty darn irresistible when your atoms are vibrating so much they are just ready to blow apart.

Figure out how to do this. And then just believe that you deserve whatever you want. Because you’re good enough. You’re smart enough. And doggone it, people LIKE you!

theundergroundoutlaw.com

This guy is literally vibrating all over the place…. feel it??? theundergroundoutlaw.com

I mentioned this to my little brother, always game for a good get rich quick idea. Explained the theory-so far-. Gave him the name of the book so he can download it, and maybe one of us will actually finish it so we can change our lives!! We could rule the world!

List of things I will manifest:

1. A full nights sleep

2. Jenna being potty trained

3. My 18 year old body back

4. Oh, money…lots of money!

What would YOU want?

Happy Manifesting!!

Car Krash Karma

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How I feel...... thetimes.co.uk

How I feel……
thetimes.co.uk

I recently posted about the naïve stupidity of my little sister, accepting rides from shady strangers in New York.

I thought I was the smart(er) sister, when it comes to things like safety….common sense….avoiding risk.

I was wrong.

Karma came and kicked me in the face today. But I don’t blame Karma, I blame myself, and as I “punished” my sister by blogging about her lack of judgment, I am punishing myself now by blogging about my own-even worse-mistake.

What kind of mistake?

The kind of mistake that happens when you for some reason are exhausted at the end of the day, and find yourself literally slapping yourself in the face to stay awake as you drive home. The kind of mistake that finds you on your street, mere houses away from the safety of your garage when you suddenly find yourself WAKING UP as you drive into a pole. Rather, as I drive into a pole, on a tree lawn, down the street from my home.

like this

like this

It was not a huge pole, nothing like telephone pole size. It was a black street light. The slow motion that happens when you find yourself facing a sure collision allowed me to see it, and hear it’s gentle, almost eggshell-like crunch as I destroyed it. There was no sensation of force, it literally just folded on contact. As did the corner of my car.

That woke me up.

To the reality of what COULD have happened had there been a car around that curve in the road instead of a light. Or a child playing. My OWN little ones were in the back seat, completely unaware somehow of what had just occurred.

So I find myself painfully awake and aware of what just occurred, and it’s amazing how quiet the street is around me. How can it be no one saw this? Acutely embarrassed, I backed off the pole-now under my car, and was thankfully able to drive the short distance to my home.

I went through the initial panic of not knowing who to call first, but settled on the police, sure I just destroyed city property and wanting to make sure I called before someone else called on me. They were nice, sent an officer to the house within 20 minutes. His first question? Was I texting? NO! Thank god, because I know I couldn’t have lied. I already considered using the deer always around our street as an excuse, but knew I wouldn’t be able to keep it together. My Catholic guilt has always served me well.

It was bad enough that I gave him a name and a face for the cliché “typical female driver”.

Some more questions, lots of raised eyebrows…. I was given a citation with a nice fine for failing to control my vehicle. I can contest it in court if I want next month…pretty sure I won’t be doing that. I’m allowed to pay the fine without appearing there.

On to the husband, the insurance company, the repair guy, a cop friend. With each call, and each persons kindness, I actually felt worse. I’m a dangerous driver!  Equal parts humiliation and disappointment in myself. How can these people tell me to relax, it’s just an accident!?

I understand that accidents happen. But the what if’s….. they are killing me. How could I have allowed that to happen?

Maybe I could blame it on the 2 year old who kept me up last night, or maybe the babysitter who doesn’t drive, requiring me to take her home each day. But the blame is mine.  I KNEW I was so tired driving home, hence the face slapping. I think I just finally relaxed too much, literally on that final stretch…

I SHOULD have stayed fully aware and awake. I can’t believe I didn’t. Thankfully the damage to property and my vehicle is repairable, I could not have lived with myself had I hurt another person.

I’m left to figure out who I need to talk to about the street light, resting right now on the ground in the dark. I hate the thought of driving my very visibly damaged car, giving pause to anyone who will see it to wonder what in the world did she DO?! My 4 year old thought I was going to jail today, as he watched the officer taking pictures of my car. My oldest watched me sit on the floor and cry after he left, so upset with myself.

I am not feeling very confident right now. Not feeling like a great role model, and definitely not feeling like I have room to lecture anyone else about poor judgment.

stranger danger

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taxi-driver.co.uk.com

taxi-driver.co.uk.com

I imagine most parents are a lot like me, wanting their kids to be safe, and make good choices in life. We preach it, we drill it, going over scenarios like “what would you do if a really nice lady came up to you and wanted to show you her adorable new puppy, waiting in her car??” We watch the hesitation on our kids faces….and are ready to yell out the ALWAYS right answer…

“Run away!! Yell for help!” “Don’t touch the puppy!!!”

You would think these lessons, harped on for YEARS, would sink in and kind of, I don’t know…work! Right??

Enter my sister.

She is not a preschooler. She is in fact, a grown up. She is THIRTY.

I happened to call her today on my way home from work. She answers but the connection isn’t great. She tells me she just got to New York on a business trip and is heading to her hotel, wants to call me when she gets there.

I was getting dinner for the kids when she calls back.

“Do you know why I couldn’t talk to you before??? I thought I was being kidnapped!

What?!

She tells me the following:

She got to the airport, and was getting her luggage. A nice looking, well dressed man walks up to her and asks her if she will need a taxi. “Well yes!, I actually DO need a taxi!” At that moment, she is probably thinking about how nice New Yorkers really are, not like the rumors at all.

This guy, let’s call him Mystery Cab Man, then asks her to follow him.

She is alone. She follows him. As he walks AWAY from the taxi area… all the way to some service elevator.

She feels a little hesitant, but doesn’t want to be rude, so she follows. Because God forbid, we hurt the feelings of our potential kidnappers, rapists… whatever.

They take the elevator to a parking garage. Much better place for foul play…

She asks, probably timidly, why isn’t he parked with the other taxi drivers? Apparently he has some sort of understanding with the airport and doesn’t have to stand in line with all the other drivers.

By now, she is feeling nervous.

I love this next part… she calls her husband as the guy tells her to wait while he gets the car. She doesn’t run away…in case you know, he’s not really a killer. She calls instead to run it by her husband so he can tell her what to do. But, mystery cab man comes back too fast, so she quickly pretends she’s great, everything is perfect, she’s safe in New York. “Hey honey”, she tells her husband, you know that tracking app I installed on my phone? I installed it on yours too, so you will be able to see where I am in New York at any time!” Very smooth.

There is no way this guy is going sell her into sex slavery or murder her in cold blood now! Jesus, she’s invincible!! He definitely WON’T just throw your phone with the *fake* tracking device in the garbage can before getting rid of you. She’s a genius, that one.

As they drive to her hotel (hopefully), she notices that she is not in a cab. She is in a Mercedes. It’s not yellow.  It’s older, his window doesn’t work. There is no meter. There is no typical taxi stuff inside. She asks then for some identification. He gives her a business card, no photo ID.

This is what a cab looks like....Patty....do you SEE this???

This is what a cab looks like….Patty….do you SEE this???

After some more questions about random things in the city, her way of deciding if he is legit or not, there is silence. She is in the back of his car, pretty sure at this point that he is taking her to some dirty warehouse or a dock somewhere. This is when I call her. She needs to hang up because her phone is almost dead, and she needs to stay on google maps to track his progress.

Because if she notices that he is not going to her hotel, she is in the absolute best position-in his back seat, on the highway-to do something about it.

She is officially waiting for the announcement of impending death. And hoping he won’t kill her because “people know she’s here”.

Well, she made it. Doesn’t even know how much he charged, paid him whatever. Called me when she got to her room,  explained that she really couldn’t talk until she knew for sure she wasn’t going to end up in a ditch.

I marvel at her politeness in the face of being potentially kidnapped. It is really RUDE to tell a strange man who is leading you into an isolated area that you may not want to go. Far better to just go along with it, and hope for the best.

Now, as I alternate between laughing at her lack of judgment and berating her for it, I have a pit in my stomach because she has just demonstrated my worst fear. How am I going to stop my own kids from being taken advantage of when we have all, at times, allowed things to happen that make us uncomfortable or even scared? Because we don’t want to be rude, or cause any commotion…lest we bother someone or hurt their feelings.

So we need to step up our stranger danger games. I’m adding in the mystery cab man scenario. I clearly need to give little sister a refresher course. She will learn. And thank God this time she was lucky, but better safe than sorry. When I’m done with her she won’t be taking rides from any shady drivers, and won’t leave home without her mace and rape whistle.

date night, interrupted.

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health.syr.edu

health.syr.edu

So that was pretty funny, planning a date night ahead of time. At least I had the beautiful anticipation of it for a few days…..

And then I got sick. And Sammy got sick.

Between the two of us, there is not much Kleenex left in the house. Noses are red, throats are sore, bodies are aching.

So yesterday I decided we could have date night IN the house. With the kids (thankfully no one is vomiting….yet).

All we needed was sparkling grape juice and BAM, it’s special.

This was my plan this morning. By this afternoon, as my right ear continues to throb and my head feels ready to explode, I am lowering my standards. It’s 10 degrees outside, I just don’t think we can survive that right now.

I am not leaving the house for sparkling grape juice. Yes, this was what I thought we needed to separate us from “normal night”, but now…. I think if I just use fancy glasses….yea, that will do it.

And…. I need to make sure I get hubby to pick up a fancy dinner somewhere, because I am also not cooking for our new revised version of date night. I’m on deaths doorstep here, it’s not a pretty sight.

But we are going to have our fake date night dinner if it kills me. It might.

Just reminds me of why we don’t TALK about things that we really want to happen, it’s like a huge cosmic jinx. As soon as it’s out there, known, that you want to do something, are looking forward to something in particular, you can bet the universe is going to try taking you down a notch.

Usually, it’s the kids getting sick, or hurt. I didn’t see ME getting sick, that was kind of a surprise.

Good job Universe, keeping me on my toes.

Date Night

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txktoday.com

txktoday.com

Shhhhhhh, don’t tell him, but this weekend…. I’m taking the hubby on a date.

We don’t usually do this, hardly ever. I can count on one hand how many time we have gone anywhere alone in years.

Sometimes though, the stars align….

I thought about it today, a friend we wanted to take out for her birthday has other plans. I already thought about getting a sitter so we could spend time and enjoy her company, actually focus on her instead of the kids.

She’s busy. Ok, fine, some other time.

But wait…. WE could still go out. Alone!

I know the perfect place. We just talked about it this past week. It’s not a fancy place, it’s not even an especially good place. But we went there early in our dating history, and we both remember one night in particular when I got lost trying to walk out the door, ended up in the downstairs bar while he waited behind for me to realize where I was, and watched as I tried to figure out how I got there. Silly thing, but he laughed at me and I felt kind of embarrassed. It became somehow cute to him, that I could lose my way so easily.

Probably now it’s not that funny to him, but at least back then it was endearing.

So I’m taking him there. And we can sit at the table, and we’ll hold hands and tell each other how much we love each other, and he’ll tease me about how lucky I am to have him, I’ll tell him how lucky HE is to have me. Then he’ll get serious and say I’m right, he IS the lucky one. And he’ll thank me for loving him, and for our beautiful children.

I know this because he does this all the time, we always have this little exchange, but it never gets old.

And then we can go home, and stay up late with the little ones, watching movies and eating popcorn.

At the end of the night, daddy and Sammy will be snoring together on his Cars couch, I’ll be on this computer, and all will be right with the world.

Confession

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Thirteen Reasons Why, a novel by Jay Asher

Thirteen Reasons Why, a novel by Jay Asher

So, I’m still an avid reader. I stopped reading for enjoyment during my quest for that Masters degree. After school was over, I actually started using my Kindle to download books. Holy cow, I can’t believe I thought I preferred turning pages and holding a book in my hands. I have access to a world of literature at any second, I can read in the DARK! It’s become something of an obsession, I still don’t sleep until close to 2am because I’m busy reading. That is ME time, unless of course Jenna wakes up and needs to sleep completely on top of me because nothing else is good enough.

Anyway….

Sometimes I will read a book that I find amazing. Life changing. Powerful. Thought provoking. It pops into my head during the day if I leave it unfinished. I can’t wait to get into bed at night and get back to it. I watch the little corner of the screen to see how much of the book I have left, happy and sad to be close to the end, not wanting it to end, but NEEDING to know how it ends.

Sometimes a book will not be exactly enjoyable, but necessary.

I finished such a story today. One of those books that gets in your head and leaves you feeling a little “off” if you have to stop and attend to real life while the story just hangs there, waiting for you to come back. I knew it would have a message, but didn’t expect the impact. It was a book about a girl in high school, she commits suicide and leaves a message for 13 people to hear after she is gone. These people all had some impact on her decision to take her life, some big and some little.

I found it hard to read, and hard to put down. It made me remember things about high school that I would rather forget.

The book is called Thirteen Reasons Why. Written by Jay Asher.

I’d never heard of it before, but you may have. Looks like it has been a best seller at some point.

As I read, and as I finished, I thought a lot about how we treat each other at that age. In high school, middle school. It can be brutal. We focus more on bullying now than ever before, but so many of us have experiences that we will never forget, things that may not seem like such a big deal to anyone else.

I remember being miserable in high school at times. Didn’t help that I wasn’t thrilled with life at home either. I did think of suicide, but I never actually had a plan. I would bet most kids have had at least a fleeting thought. Isn’t that part of being a teen? SHOULD it be??

I will not tell the silly details of how I was bullied, the times I felt stupid, ugly, insignificant. I remember some moments very well, but these are not the things that come to mind when I read this book.

Instead, I think of a shameful moment I will never forget. A moment that I will always regret.

Sitting in class one day. A girl behind me who was a sort of friend. Less popular than even me. Maybe I was feeling particularly low that day, needing to make someone feel lower than me.

I turned around, looked into her eyes. And told her she was UGLY. That’s it. It was like I was telling her the time. I don’t believe it was premeditated at all, I wouldn’t have ever had the guts to carry that plan out. Her face crumpled. I scoffed, said something like “Come on, I’m just kidding!, Geez!” Made light of it, I remember her confused smile. She wanted to believe I was joking.

Why did I DO that?

Not only have I never forgotten that moment, I swear I think of it more now then when it happened. And if I can remember it so vividly, do you think SHE can? When she thinks back to her school days, will I forever be the girl who called her “ugly”?

I saw her years and years later. We were “grown up”, in orientation together for our new nursing jobs. I thought about what I’d done to her, thinking maybe this was my chance to make up for that. She was nice, just like before. Didn’t seem to remember or at least didn’t seem to care about that horrible moment. I never brought it up, embarrassed and also not wanting to hurt her again. There was no sense of resolution for me, didn’t lessen my guilt or shame, even if she didn’t remember.

I hate the me that did that. I have used that example in trying to teach my own teens about how/why the kids in school are sometimes so horrible to each other. Especially in high school.

Check out this book. If you have ever been in high school, I think you won’t be able to help relating to it. Let your kids read it, if they are old enough. Remember, the things we do and say can have a power beyond what we expect.