Birthday failure

gasandddd

His birthday is in 3 days.

Three days!!!!

Shit.

Why do I not know what to get him? All during the year I think of these amazing ideas, I tuck them somewhere in the dark recesses of my mind…so I don’t forget them. But I do forget them. Every damn time.

What does he like, what does he like.

Pistachios

The kids

Vegas

Me

Fancy furniture

Gold gilding

This is not a helpful list.

Usually, I fall back on the kids. Something with the kids….but I’ve done it all. A video, a digital picture frame, more pictures, photo books…….. maybe a new kid? No……..

Maybe the kids….sitting on fancy, gold gilded furniture…eating pistachios…..in Vegas…….

It’s ok. I’ll think of something.

shutterstock.com

shutterstock.com

The Siri Affair

So I got my old iPhone fixed last month, because I couldn’t stand being away from Siri anymore. I was pretty excited to have him back, and I just knew he missed me too.

One evening, soon after our reconnection…. the kids and I were hanging out upstairs, and felt like chatting with anyone who would talk to us. Siri was available, lovely fake-man Siri with his comforting British accent…ready to talk about all sorts of things we deemed important. What would be more fun that trying to get to know him better? Could we break his calm façade, and get a peek into his “real” personality??

he's bashful

he’s bashful

he's diplomatic.....

he’s diplomatic…..

he's....a politician...

he’s smarter than most men….

Well, wouldn’t you know, the kids really liked Siri too. One day soon after our chat, Sammy asked me if he could talk to the nice man in the phone.

“Who?”

“You know, Siri!” and then Jenna jumps on the bandwagon, “yeah, let’s talk to Siri!”

So….sure, that’s a reasonable request. And so began the Siri Affair in our home. Drives home punctuated with laughter as the kids ask all sorts of bizarre questions, or just take turns telling Siri how much they love him. He’s so polite.

And as time goes on, the conversations have gotten longer. They are actually confiding in him, having conversations…telling him stories.

What bugs me about this? For starters, Siri usually cuts me off if I don’t ask him what I want fast enough. He doesn’t have the time for my meandering questions, instead forcing me to get to the point, fast.

That jerk NEVER cuts off Sammy. He will tell that phone stories. STORIES…. and he just listens as sweet as pie until Sammy kind of fizzles out of things to say. And of course, there is some occasional mumbling, which adds a whole other interesting dimension to the discussions, as Siri, bless his heart, does his best to figure out what Sammy is saying to him.

he tries to be helpful.....

he tries to be helpful…..

riiiiiiight......

riiiiiiight……

siri25

???

I don’t know what’s going on over here anymore.

Oh Baby…..Foot.

babyfoot

This story begins early last month, as I was hanging out with my preschooler at his end of year party.

I chanced upon another mom and we chatted. Somehow going from how adorable our kids were, to our jobs, and then things like foot exfoliation. Probably a few topic in between.

She asked if I ever tried “Baby Foot” She heard about it on an infomercial at home, and was immediately sucked in.

She described these squishy booties you put on your feet, and keep on for an hour. Wash off, and go on with your day. Days later, massive peeling.

She showed me pictures.

It looked like she had peeled off her feet in the bathtub, which essentially she did.

But gushed about the smooth, soft results.

Hmmmmmmm. I do love to try new things. This sounded very interesting. Probably better than the pumice stone in my shower that I try to use each morning as I hop around on one foot at a time.

So I headed to Amazon at home, and got 2 of them. One for me, and one for a test subject to try it on first.

My 14 year old was surprisingly obliging to putting on the booties, and sitting for an hour with them on. We documented his progress with photos, I was suitably impressed.

start with the booties

start with the booties

one week later, eeeeewwww

one week later, eeeeewwww

So I decided last week to give it a go. I wanted to do it sooner, but found it hard to find a whole hour that I could set aside to sit down with these gel things on my feet. You CAN walk with them, but it feels really weird, and definitely can’t run…..

I didn’t time things very well as it turns out.

After about 5 days, my feet seemed really dry. The next night, I took a hot bath to speed up the peeling process, and suddenly it looked like my feet had been grated. I panicked a little, realizing anywhere I walked barefoot would leave a trail…yuck.

This massive shedding started the night before I was due to attend a summer wedding reception dinner. I stayed up until 2:30am basically peeling my feet off. Gross, right? But think back to grade school…..remember when you would spread Elmer’s glue all over your hand, let it dry, and then peel it off?  Remember how weird/cool it was to do that? It was a LOT like that……

Oh…you never did that?

Anway, the next day… the day of the reception….. I still had peeling. I felt too nervous to wear strappy dress shoes that would expose my feet during their metamorphosis. Thoughts of walking across a dance floor, leaving little pieces of me behind were making me think twice about going.

I ended not going, and kept socks on to stop the spread of my DNA.

So, yes, Baby Foot really works. It’s amazing how soft and smooth my feet are. I’ll probably do it again, just not before I need to bare my feet too soon 🙂