For the past week, I’ve been walking around with aching muscles. I’ve been packing things like crunchy granola bars and fresh fruit to eat at work.

I’ve been working out, even though on one occasion the 5 year old had to shame me into it.

I have drastically scaled down my junk food snacking, depending on not just my gummy vitamin D’s, but gummy fish oil and gummy probiotics to pick up the slack.

Today…. Sammy and Jenna wanted pizza for dinner, he missed pizza day at school this week.

I ordered it…

then I worked out while I starved and watched them stuffing the greasy cheese pizza into their faces (with sides of fresh fruit and veggies). I did two workouts.

I then piled a plate with salad, got a glass of water, and ONE piece of pizza.

Normally I would have downed 2 or 3 pieces, NOT worked out, and chewed the pizza with mouthfuls of sprite or iced tea squishing together in blissful harmony before swallowing. I don’t drink much soda, but I find with pizza, it is the drink of choice for me. I love the interaction between carbonation and greasy crust…. fizzy, squishy, greasy goodness.

I did have a fleeting moment of what might have been real motivation to improve my lifestyle and health last week, but it didn’t last beyond a 30 second sense of supreme optimism.

I have since gotten very familiar with this feeling of…Meh. Basically mad at pizza for being bad for me, mad at chocolate for making me want it, mad at myself for being mad about wanting to be healthy, and forcing myself to do it anyway. I’m so MEAN.

I can’t wait until I’m 72. I’ve decided that is the age I will decide enough of this crap, and enjoy ho-ho’s and peppermint patties all day long if I want.



13 thoughts on “Meh.

  1. Ugh, I am so with you on that last line. My grandmother is famous in my family for going to buffets and having a reasonably-sized meal, only to fill her plate with 9 desserts. And she devours them all. I look forward to the day.

  2. Hahahahaha. Cmon! You don’t have to wait THAT long to enjoy food. There came a time where I used to watch everything I ate. I would diet forever. And hated it. But then one day, I was reading an article. It changed my life, to be honest. It said, don’t do diets but instead eat everything you desire but always, always leave something in your plate. And so it hit me. Instead of three pieces of pizza, I would eat two and leave that one piece untouched. I made it a way of life and without even noticing I started losing a lot. Plus I never really worked out in my life. I don’t know, maybe something to consider 🙂

    • you’re right… I don’t think I could actually do a hard core diet… but I’ve never restricted myself and so now trying to start at 40 is just painful 😦 I feel like this is my last chance to actually get as fit as I can before old age and gravity make it impossible 🙂

  3. Its just not fair! I agree! Everything I eat sticks to me in all of the wrong places and I love food. Like really really love food!!!! Nom! LOL Hang in there – you are doing great!!

  4. I quit smoking a few years ago. Like you, I think to myself, “I’m going to start smoking again when I retire”. I figure it will take a few years before the smoking completely destroys my lungs, and by then I should be near the end anyhow, right?

    My wife hates when I expound such logic.

  5. I hate exercising but absolutely love yoga and Zumba. Have you tried Zumba yet? It is a party where you dance for an hour. It doesn’t feel like a workout (to me) and its lots of fun. Most of the classes that I attended are only $5 or $10. Lots of moms take their kids too. Its really cute to watch the kids dancing with all their might with their moms. Keep up the good work! You can do it!

    • I did actually try Zumba…once…but I couldn’t “slide” the right way, and I felt so stiff…. so it didn’t last :(… maybe something to try again though with the kids, good idea, thanks!

  6. Excellent. Exactly how I feel. I *actually* fantasise about that day when I don’t give two shits about my weight…One day….

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