Weakness…

Damn you, Starburst minis!!!!!

Your passively rounded edges and lack of wrapper have effectively made you appear both deliciously unassuming and appealing to the lazy eater.

But we all know what you’re doing….

I hate you, genius candy marketers.

 

 

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Plodding along

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It’s been a little while since I booked our upcoming vacation…only 3 weeks away!

I’ve surprised myself by actually sticking to my plan to workout daily. I think I’ve missed one day per week, totally acceptable.

Even my diet has improved…despite the Easter bunnies attempts to smother me with carmallow eggs this week…l persevered. And I bought inferior brand chocolate eggs so as not to tempt myself excessively.

Even today, I’m driving and start thinking about taco salads. There is no one to stop me…maybe I should just get one and scarf it down, as if eating it faster will somehow negate the fact that it happened.

But no. This guilt thing is really inconvenient. So instead of calorie laden goodness, I semi-enjoyed my salad. My regular salad.

Meh.

Diet-cat

bluestmuse.com

For the past week, I’ve been walking around with aching muscles. I’ve been packing things like crunchy granola bars and fresh fruit to eat at work.

I’ve been working out, even though on one occasion the 5 year old had to shame me into it.

I have drastically scaled down my junk food snacking, depending on not just my gummy vitamin D’s, but gummy fish oil and gummy probiotics to pick up the slack.

Today…. Sammy and Jenna wanted pizza for dinner, he missed pizza day at school this week.

I ordered it…

then I worked out while I starved and watched them stuffing the greasy cheese pizza into their faces (with sides of fresh fruit and veggies). I did two workouts.

I then piled a plate with salad, got a glass of water, and ONE piece of pizza.

Normally I would have downed 2 or 3 pieces, NOT worked out, and chewed the pizza with mouthfuls of sprite or iced tea squishing together in blissful harmony before swallowing. I don’t drink much soda, but I find with pizza, it is the drink of choice for me. I love the interaction between carbonation and greasy crust…. fizzy, squishy, greasy goodness.

I did have a fleeting moment of what might have been real motivation to improve my lifestyle and health last week, but it didn’t last beyond a 30 second sense of supreme optimism.

I have since gotten very familiar with this feeling of…Meh. Basically mad at pizza for being bad for me, mad at chocolate for making me want it, mad at myself for being mad about wanting to be healthy, and forcing myself to do it anyway. I’m so MEAN.

I can’t wait until I’m 72. I’ve decided that is the age I will decide enough of this crap, and enjoy ho-ho’s and peppermint patties all day long if I want.

 

The girl I wanna be

I ran into her today, after taking Jenna to the splash pad this afternoon.

HER….being a woman near my age (I think), who looks completely AMAZING. Couple that with a winning personality, and smarts, it’s a no brainer. She ran a 5 mile race on her birthday this week, and came in FIRST. Who wouldn’t want to be her??

Now, I don’t mean this literally, I really enjoy myself and my life. I wouldn’t want to switch all that stuff. BUT… her arms. Her arms are perfect. I stared at them as we chatted for a second or two. And I envied them.

She is dedicated to working out, she runs…for like, miles. She tries to get enough sleep and adjusts her diet to allow her to reach her goals with her running.

And here I am….just snuck two bites of Jenna’s superman ice cream, and WOULD have ordered a hot fudge sundae of my own if the lady hadn’t rushed me at the counter….. addicted to stupid burger king onion rings…..

I'm pretty sure she looks like this when she races.... theathleticbuild.com

I’m pretty sure she looks like this when she races….
theathleticbuild.com

I imagine I look like this next to her..... istockphoto.com

I imagine I look like this next to her…..
istockphoto.com

I told her I was just getting back into working out. This is true….again. I’m ALWAYS just getting back into working out, I haven’t actually made it a habit for years… so the three days a week I am doing? I didn’t tell her that at least one of those is just a 10 minute superfast CD so I can “say” I worked out that day. And probably clenching my butt cheeks when I walk outside with the kids isn’t good enough. Dammit.

So I look at her, and admire her, and think…..I would love to look like her. And what will I do about it?

Perhaps because I’m turning 40 in a few short weeks…. suddenly the knowledge that I COULD look great if I wanted to isn’t cutting it. Suddenly, the excuse of having 4 kids isn’t enough…. genetics have been very nice to me, but maybe it’s time for me to help out a bit more.

By the way, getting back to this girl, it is impossible to hate her for her perfection. She’s too nice!! She offered to run with me when I mentioned that I might like to start. I think she was serious.

I honestly told her I would need to do some work alone, I had to look better first…before I could subject myself to that. I want to sit her down and find out what she does, besides running…what’s her super-effective workout secret??

So today I made myself a promise. Kind of. I told myself I would try really hard to avoid onion rings and eat more carrots and fruit. I am going to pack a lunch instead letting myself starve until only fried grease will satisfy me. Edamame!!!! I will eat more of it!! I will FORCE myself to start working out at least every other day…. probably I will start this tomorrow….

And I will still clench my butt cheeks when I walk, because I think it’s not hurting anything.