Facing facts

Until this past year, I have lived my life blissfully ignoring “recommended calories” when I felt like it. I knew I ate horribly, but figured that box of swiss cake rolls I gobbled in the darkness of the pantry would be offset by the lack of breakfast or lunch on most days.

My night snacking was enjoyable. And again, in the spirit of refusing to face reality, I chose to believe that all the crap I ate right before bed would just kind of….disappear, and I’d have a reset the next day.

Why not, that’s how it’s always worked!

I was blessed by genetics, taking after my mother who had 5 kids, never exercised, and always had a tiny waist. My hip bones stood in proud defiance of the calories I ingested.

But one day, I noticed that my scale wasn’t working right anymore. In fact, it seemed to be stuck higher than I was used to. Then it went higher. I started to worry….. and finally panic as weeks went by, and the number never went down. Instead….it crept up.

Suddenly, I’m noticing a new softness across the midsection…. at the waistband…. and I consider my options. I won’t say I’m not very interested in smart lipo. I absolutely am in love with the idea…… except I would literally be spending my kids tuition to get it, so I sigh, and consider some more.

I’m no stranger to exercise, but still struggling to fit it in the schedule with these kids, and this job, and all this other stuff going on… and let’s face it….. working out for 20 minutes, and then stuffing my face with a chocolate lava cake is probably not going to help much.

I did recently download this app, called MyNetDiary.  It counts calories, tracks weight, give access to all sorts of tips and articles about weight loss, working out etc. I started plugging in what I ate, even more motivating was the option to scan barcodes… if only I ate more packaged food… it’s so fun to scan and see everything pop up for you!

I started this about 2 weeks ago. I’ve quickly become addicted. I put in my current weight, my goal weight, my level of activity, and a date I want to achieve my goal. I weigh myself in the morning, and log my food, even glasses of water.

It really works!!  For once, I feel like I have something keeping me in check when I go scavenging for sweets, although it was depressing to find out that each starburst has 40 calories. I’m actually starting to think about things being calorie-worthy….. am I finally a real grown up?

Today we had lunch with my mom for Mothers Day. Olive Garden…. who can survive that??!!  I ate 2 breadsticks, all the while fuming about the 300 calories they were costing me. Still smothered them in alfredo sauce. Salad, a scoop of shrimp scampi from the lighter fare menu, and half piece of tiramisu.

I think I usually eat a lot more than I did, but for the first time I was aware and made an effort to eat within my limit for the day. Since then I’ve had 2 cups of tea, and more salad. That’s it. I did go over calories, but only by 161—not the zillion it would have been.

And I’ve lost 3 pounds. First thinking it’s a fluke, but it seems to be real. I love to look at the graph and see the downward trend. It’s so motivating!

Oh, I’m not going to give up my pantry snacking completely, one must have some joy in life….. But finally, I think I might be motivated enough to stick to something. And I am working out more, running in fact! (well, jogging…. in a slow and painful, gasping way). In fact, this is how I started my Mothers Day today…..

Now let’s not get all metaphorical…. it’s not representative of the “road I’m going to travel for my health”, it’s not “my life’s journey”…

It’s a track. At the rec center. I ran/jogged/walked on it. But it’s a start 🙂

 

 

 

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Meh.

Diet-cat

bluestmuse.com

For the past week, I’ve been walking around with aching muscles. I’ve been packing things like crunchy granola bars and fresh fruit to eat at work.

I’ve been working out, even though on one occasion the 5 year old had to shame me into it.

I have drastically scaled down my junk food snacking, depending on not just my gummy vitamin D’s, but gummy fish oil and gummy probiotics to pick up the slack.

Today…. Sammy and Jenna wanted pizza for dinner, he missed pizza day at school this week.

I ordered it…

then I worked out while I starved and watched them stuffing the greasy cheese pizza into their faces (with sides of fresh fruit and veggies). I did two workouts.

I then piled a plate with salad, got a glass of water, and ONE piece of pizza.

Normally I would have downed 2 or 3 pieces, NOT worked out, and chewed the pizza with mouthfuls of sprite or iced tea squishing together in blissful harmony before swallowing. I don’t drink much soda, but I find with pizza, it is the drink of choice for me. I love the interaction between carbonation and greasy crust…. fizzy, squishy, greasy goodness.

I did have a fleeting moment of what might have been real motivation to improve my lifestyle and health last week, but it didn’t last beyond a 30 second sense of supreme optimism.

I have since gotten very familiar with this feeling of…Meh. Basically mad at pizza for being bad for me, mad at chocolate for making me want it, mad at myself for being mad about wanting to be healthy, and forcing myself to do it anyway. I’m so MEAN.

I can’t wait until I’m 72. I’ve decided that is the age I will decide enough of this crap, and enjoy ho-ho’s and peppermint patties all day long if I want.