Category Archives: kids

Love Day

Posted on by

love1

Valentine’s day is coming up. The day to express our depth of sentiment with chocolate hearts, roses, pretty pink fluffy things.

I asked at Sammy’s school if he could pass out his valentine’s tomorrow, and was told the school doesn’t celebrate holidays, so the teacher had to ask first.

I thought about it all during the day yesterday, what if they say he can’t?? I already promised we would get valentine’s for his friends, we debated on writing just his name on the back vs writing the name of the friend and then also his name. What kind of candy or treat will we choose? Both of us giddy to have something fun to prepare for sharing with the class.

I remember Valentine’s day in school. We prepared an old shoe box with colored paper, heart cut outs, glitter and tape, turning it into a container to hold our cards. We all got up and passed out our cards and candy to our friends, then walked home eating goodies from school.

I remember the drama when one well intentioned boy wrote “I love you” on all of his cards, probably under direction of his mother…..and the class erupted in giggles and shrieks. Some of us were secretly pleased to have a real admirer, before we realized everyone got the same message.

No more valentine’s in school?

I felt bad for Sammy, and wondered how I’m going to break it to him?? I want him to have that experience, that bit of fun and feeling special. Already planning on what we can do instead of class valentine’s if he really isn’t allowed. And why are we seriously not allowed to celebrate anything anymore??

I hate that some people get offended about everything, causing schools to stop celebrating at all.

Chill out people. Go have some Dove chocolate.

All for naught…. I was later emailed that he is allowed to bring valentines.

I will save up my pre-formulated arguments for another time. Instead, we are headed to the drugstore after school today, to debate the finer points of sponge bob over teenage mutant ninja turtles and their respective messages of love.

tantrum or possession??

Posted on by

Last night, I attempted to put Jenna to bed.

It was late, because we just kind of dragged our feet, and it was Friday, and then daddy came home and things got delayed even more….

We did the potty thing, the teeth brushing thing…. and then got settled in bed.

I am not sure what happened next, it was like a flip switched and suddenly I had this feral child trying to escape from me. There was screaming. A LOT of screaming. The kind that has to be shredding the back of her throat, yet she continued. A lot of trying to climb off the bed, a lot of “Mommy!!!!! I want downstairs!!!!”.

Her distress prompted a couple visits from daddy, convinced I was torturing her, and wanting me to let  her come back downstairs.

I finally gave in. Wouldn’t you know it…. she screamed downstairs too??

It was one of those fits that has to just taper off…..no matter how long it takes. She was too far gone to rationalize this.

Back upstairs. I thought if I held her firmly, not TIGHT, this might help calm her down. In the same way you wrap the psych ward patients in a straight jacket and maybe a cold, wet, tightly wrapped sheet during an outburst.

I held her in my swaddling way…. speaking softly and trying to calm her down.

This is when she started to really scare me. She may have been speaking in guttural Latin, I’m not sure. Bucking and thrashing with superhuman strength, I fully expected a glowing pentagram to show up on her forehead and for her to start biting my face.

I let go, didn’t seem to help after all.

Somehow it ended… Oh yea, I was back downstairs with her by then. Sitting in a kitchen chair. Googling 2 year tantrums and child possessions.

Guess what happened at 3am?

More of the same. This time screaming for popcorn, downstairs, water.

Fell asleep as I sat holding her on the kitchen floor, after drinking water and screaming a bit more.

This morning she woke up late. So did I. We were in my bed, me terrified to move until she wakes up.

Her little shaggy head pops up, and her little voice chirps “Hi Mommy!, I want Paw Patrol!” Seems completely normal again. But I don’t trust her.

I will not turn my back on her....

I will not turn my back on her….

date night, interrupted.

Posted on by
health.syr.edu

health.syr.edu

So that was pretty funny, planning a date night ahead of time. At least I had the beautiful anticipation of it for a few days…..

And then I got sick. And Sammy got sick.

Between the two of us, there is not much Kleenex left in the house. Noses are red, throats are sore, bodies are aching.

So yesterday I decided we could have date night IN the house. With the kids (thankfully no one is vomiting….yet).

All we needed was sparkling grape juice and BAM, it’s special.

This was my plan this morning. By this afternoon, as my right ear continues to throb and my head feels ready to explode, I am lowering my standards. It’s 10 degrees outside, I just don’t think we can survive that right now.

I am not leaving the house for sparkling grape juice. Yes, this was what I thought we needed to separate us from “normal night”, but now…. I think if I just use fancy glasses….yea, that will do it.

And…. I need to make sure I get hubby to pick up a fancy dinner somewhere, because I am also not cooking for our new revised version of date night. I’m on deaths doorstep here, it’s not a pretty sight.

But we are going to have our fake date night dinner if it kills me. It might.

Just reminds me of why we don’t TALK about things that we really want to happen, it’s like a huge cosmic jinx. As soon as it’s out there, known, that you want to do something, are looking forward to something in particular, you can bet the universe is going to try taking you down a notch.

Usually, it’s the kids getting sick, or hurt. I didn’t see ME getting sick, that was kind of a surprise.

Good job Universe, keeping me on my toes.

Date Night

Posted on by
txktoday.com

txktoday.com

Shhhhhhh, don’t tell him, but this weekend…. I’m taking the hubby on a date.

We don’t usually do this, hardly ever. I can count on one hand how many time we have gone anywhere alone in years.

Sometimes though, the stars align….

I thought about it today, a friend we wanted to take out for her birthday has other plans. I already thought about getting a sitter so we could spend time and enjoy her company, actually focus on her instead of the kids.

She’s busy. Ok, fine, some other time.

But wait…. WE could still go out. Alone!

I know the perfect place. We just talked about it this past week. It’s not a fancy place, it’s not even an especially good place. But we went there early in our dating history, and we both remember one night in particular when I got lost trying to walk out the door, ended up in the downstairs bar while he waited behind for me to realize where I was, and watched as I tried to figure out how I got there. Silly thing, but he laughed at me and I felt kind of embarrassed. It became somehow cute to him, that I could lose my way so easily.

Probably now it’s not that funny to him, but at least back then it was endearing.

So I’m taking him there. And we can sit at the table, and we’ll hold hands and tell each other how much we love each other, and he’ll tease me about how lucky I am to have him, I’ll tell him how lucky HE is to have me. Then he’ll get serious and say I’m right, he IS the lucky one. And he’ll thank me for loving him, and for our beautiful children.

I know this because he does this all the time, we always have this little exchange, but it never gets old.

And then we can go home, and stay up late with the little ones, watching movies and eating popcorn.

At the end of the night, daddy and Sammy will be snoring together on his Cars couch, I’ll be on this computer, and all will be right with the world.

Kids with Autism can be stalkers…or not.

Posted on by
him and her <3

him and her ❤

Ever realize you’ve said something to someone that may be offensive? And then try, desperately and unsuccessfully to grab those words and stuff them back in your mouth, choking them down before they register with the offended person??

This is me on an almost daily basis. It is ALWAYS accidental, I don’t want to offend. Rather, if I DID want to offend, I would make sure it didn’t look like such an awkward accident.

So today I was talking to a friend on the phone. I don’t have many friends. (see above).

She is someone I find cool, funny, witty, and bitingly sarcastic. I appreciate it very much. Reminds me of my “best friend”, who I recently introduced her to. I believe they plan to run away together, leaving me far behind.

This friend has a son the same age as my Sammy. The boys have been friends since the days of little gym, it’s been a few years. Well, we moms became friends and our kids thankfully went along with the friendship we created for them so we could hang out together. I think by now the boys really ARE friends too.

My friends son has autism. It’s not a dirty word, but it sure has some dark connotations.

I have known her during the time she was seeking a diagnosis, during the testing and after the diagnosis. She has killed herself to be the best mother she can be, and provide her son with every opportunity to learn, grow, and socialize. He has blossomed, and is so far beyond his age in intelligence. (He could read way before Sammy knew the whole alphabet). He can sit still now, before he was too restless. I see him and I see this boy. I don’t see “Autism”.

I know this is because I am not his mom. I see the easy part, the product of all the hard work, therapy, and tears she’s shed, worried about his future, and her resolve to give him a “normal” life.

I’ve heard how he has been disciplined for doing things that MY son does, but his behavior is attributed to his diagnosis, not the fact that he is a 4 year old BOY. I see what this does to his mom, what it would do to me if my kid was singled out and treated differently because of something he has been labeled with, even if those around him are doing the same thing…

So anyway.

He recently developed quite a fascination with my daughter. Poor Sammy does not exist at the moment. We are together, and he is just enthralled with my little girl. Maybe it’s her awesome boots, her winning personality, her “smallness” compared to the boys. He asks her how tall she is, he likes to hear her talk.

At her birthday party last week, he kept falling down and waiting for her to “save” him…we captured some shots of him leading Jenna by the hand around the gym. Jenna was still asking about him after we got home. We moms find it adorable, joke about arranged marriages….

My husband has been in a state of terror since finding out we were having a girl. Although he wanted a daughter, the reality has him scared of sex, scared of tampons, scared of everything. He would half-joke about wishing we were having a boy instead. I didn’t find it funny. Since her birth, he is in love with her, but still so worried about her, and all the things that could happened to his baby girl. And, in his culture, there is NO dating. period.

So his reaction to the kids “romance” was not as positive. I joked with my friend about how he can’t handle thinking of a boy liking his daughter, his response was more of an “Oh No!”

I could tell I hurt her, although she said nothing. We hung up and I had a heaviness in my chest.

Then she texted me, maybe we should not meet up the next day so my husband doesn’t get upset.

I could have taken that as her joking sarcasm, but I knew better.

And so followed a little text conversation, a little baring of souls. I made sure she knew my husbands issues are about him, dealing with having a daughter. But my friend has been conditioned to take things in a way that highlight her sons diagnosis. It’s not fair. But she has to be ready, because so many things do become about autism, and it’s exhausting for her.

Her nephew, also autistic, gave flowers to a girl in school that he liked. Response from the school? “Careful, ‘those kids’ often become stalkers”.

I hate the judgment and the ignorance that forces my friend to second guess everything her son does, and everything said about him.

I am not an expert in autism. I do have friends with autistic children. I have a son, without autism, who has most definitely stalked at LEAST one friend at school. My oldest child, in 2nd grade, ATE a boys entire art project over several days time. (In her defense, it was made of Reese’s Pieces). My kids have all done weird, unusual, and/or embarrassing things. They continue to do so.

Why can’t a kid with autism still be a kid, and do all the stupid kid things we have all done? Without having their actions only seen in the context of being done by an autistic kid?

My convoluted point? ANY kid can grow up to be a stalker…

Little Miss Nasty

Posted on by
I'm a sassy girl :)

I’m a sassy girl 🙂

So Jenna is officially 2. I think the terrible two’s started about 6 months ago, but according to her dad, it’s closer to 2 years ago……

She’s hilarious. And she’s nasty. Really nasty. Oh, wait. Sassy…. she’s sassy. Sounds so much better, right?

Now, in her defense, I will say if people didn’t just assume she wanted them to talk to her, or touch her, things would go much better for everyone. I guess in her 2 year old mind, she may wonder why it’s ok for someone to just walk up and start pawing at her, when as adults, we would never tolerate that kind of behavior from someone.

So this is a typical scenario: We go somewhere, or someone comes over to visit. Jenna is freaking adorable as most 2 year olds are….. and people just can’t help coming to try talking to her, or touching one of her little pig tails jutting out from the top of her head.

“DON’T TOUCH ME!!!”

She shouts in her little smoker-voice. Her scowl is THE BEST. She is SO offended. So everyone laughs…….. and then someone else tries to see what happens.

“DON’T TOUCH MY HAIR!!”

Laughter all around. Permanent scowl on her face. A few more tries, with the same result from touching her arm, her shirt, her hair again. She doesn’t cry, she just yells at everyone. And swats. She will swat at you eventually if you keep trying to make contact.

Her most common one-liners include:

“It’s not funny!”

“Go away!”

“I want Paw Patrol!”

“You are a bad boy!” (of course, because it is not possible for girls to be bad)

The beginning of a scowl. You may wonder if she wants to cut you.....

The beginning of a scowl. You may wonder if she wants to cut you…..

Her father has given up. One look at her these days and she is telling him off. This is because he loves, LOVES to tease her. He will grab her, kiss her repeatedly, pick her up and swing her around. All the while she is screaming at him to stop, put her down, leave her alone!! Once away from him, she gives her best scathing glare, making sure he sees her doing it.

On the other hand, she is often beyond polite. She apologizes to you if you knock her down, “Oh, sorry!”. She asks so nicely for me to put Paw patrol on my kindle before she sits on the potty so she can watch it while waiting forever to pee. “Oh, thank you, Mommy!” She plays grocery store with me and always gives me the best deal on produce, I can use all the expired coupons I want, and she never remembers to swipe my credit card. She randomly expresses her love for me, and tells me she’s MY angel.

cute2scowl2

She has the CUTEST smile.

I like my nasty baby. She’s amazingly smart, and I would like to say just very,very discerning with whom she associates. Like, it’s pretty much just me right now. I’m cool with that.

Best book ever

Posted on by

We try to read as many nights as possible to the kids. Some books I absolutely hate, I dread when they get picked, I try to coerce the kids into picking something I like instead. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t.

The best thing ever, is when we all love the same book. I never get tired of reading a few…and even Jenna has some of our “David” books memorized from all of our potty reading lately.

I recently read a blog post, another mom giving a critique of her kids reading material….something she does weekly.

Well, I am certainly not motivated to commit to a weekly, or even monthly book review, but reading her post made me realize something.

I must share. I own the most perfect book ever written.

No. It’s not 50 shades of anything.

s

Yes!!!  It’s 4 pups and a worm!

It has all aspects of a great kids story. Friends, enterprising friends who start a business together to use their talents helping those less fortunate. Those with broken lawn mowers, those who need zippers zipped, those who need to borrow frogs.

Just call 4 pups and a worm! THEY LEND FROGS.

see?!

see?!

After the pups and Sherm (the worm) introduce themselves and their numerous talents, we get further details of their greatness as we follow the group on an adventure to save Bernice Bee. She got stuck up in a flower. True story.

damsel in distress

damsel in distress

The guys are up to the task, and get Bernice down in 7 minutes!! Then of course they refuse the wads of money she offers for payment, choosing instead to have some of her delicious honey. What a great team! Now, you have to be careful, there are plenty of knock off groups trying to get in on the action. Don’t worry, the pups will tell you ahead of time who to watch out for…..

Imposters

Imposters

Just a gentle reminder of who can deliver the goods, and who just wishes they could….

I love the cheesy way this book rhymes, I can’t stop myself from sing-songing my way through it. The kids love participating, and it doesn’t take long for them to catch on to the rhyming, and learn to fill in the last word so they can finish my sentences…..

“If you need a bubble bath and are down to your last bubble–

call 4 Pups and a Worm. (Delivering bubbles is no…..(and this is where everyone joins in) TROUBLE!)

I don’t tire of this book. It’s amazingly simple yet captivating. Check it out 🙂

ttt

 

Noise pollution

Posted on by

On any given day…. for any variety of reasons, or maybe for no reason…. you will hear a sound in my house.

It’s a horrible whiny, screechy noise. It can last and last depending on what started it. It makes my ears want to bleed.

It’s Sammy.

I’ve been told this is normal for his age. A completely normal part of development.

Lately it has been happening when his baby sister decides to take something of his, or he wants to take something of hers and she won’t let go. It happens when his brother doesn’t want to play with him right now. It happens when he doesn’t want his dinner, when he doesn’t want to wear an undershirt, when he doesn’t want mom to retain her sanity much longer…

You can’t reason with it. I’ve tried.

Some days, I swear the only noise he makes is a whine. He can speak in a whine, I think sometimes he actually forgets what his voice is supposed to sound like, I know I have. The older kids get fed up, and tell him he’s a baby. Then he comes crying to me, like a baby, telling me that they called him a baby.

How ironic, he is, at this very moment sitting on my knee…..crying/whining as he tells me that Jacob told him he’s a baby. I’m choosing to pretend I can’t hear him. Sometimes I tell him I can’t hear that whiny noise…I am only capable of hearing normal speech.

Conversely, his sister is almost two. She does not whine and rarely cries. She usually tries to comfort him when he is having his mini meltdowns during the day, much to his displeasure. She’ll pat him on the head, “It’s ok Sammy”.  This usually makes him cry/whine more about people touching him.

Today, playing number flashcards….. his older brother said “11” before he did. This is what happened:

The master of distress

The master of distress

We had to put the card back, and let Sammy say the number first….Amazingly his smile came right back!!

Over time, you can develop a good ear for the real cry over the fake cry. Sometimes, during a good fake cry/whine session, I will take photos to admire my sweet cry-baby, and keep them to share with him or future girlfriends when he is older. I think taking a picture is much healthier than yelling at him or rashly putting a plastic bag over my head to stop the noise. Being able to laugh at the situation, is often a saving grace. And sarcasm. Sarcasm helps a whole lot.

photoff

I know it looks serious. He is a great crier, especially when he fakes an injury and can continue crying about it for 30 minutes straight because he is secretly mad that he doesn’t have a REAL injury…

This too, shall pass. Right? Right??!!

We can’t say stupid….or butt.

Posted on by
kindnessabovemalice.org

kindnessabovemalice.org

Sammy comes home from school and tells me he was in the bathroom, when another boy in his class came in, walks up to him and says “No one wants to see your stupid butt!”

I of course hate that other boy. Just for a second. Maybe longer.

Sammy has been having a hard time in the mornings at school, this morning I actually had to chase him to get him into the car because he doesn’t want to go. He was fine and loving it until he had a week off due to illness, and since then he just doesn’t see the point of going back.

So we are working on this, and thankfully he seems fine once I leave the building and he realizes he is stuck there until the end of the day.

But anyway, he’s a bit sensitive, more so than usual…. and so easily bothered by the crudeness that sometimes comes out of the mouths of other kids. He also has a thing about bathrooms, and really doesn’t like using the bathroom at school because not all the stalls have a door. He likes his privacy, I don’t blame him.

So this kid says this to him, and he doesn’t respond to him directly. When he tells me about it, he tells me how he said “you can’t say stupid”…but how he said it really quietly to himself.

I think sometimes, you just need to be a dick.

At least, that’s how I felt when he told me. So as I’m listening to him, and cooking dinner while trying to keep Jenna from climbing up my leg…. I just spout off what comes into my head, and I say “Well, you should have told him no one wants to see his stupid face.”

“Mom! I can’t say that, we aren’t allowed to say stupid!” He was horrified.

Of course.

“You’re right. You should NOT say that, and he’d probably tell on you too and you’d be the one getting in trouble. We should not call each other stupid….. then you should tell him he’s just jealous of your butt.”

“Mom. We can’t say butt either.”

“Fine! Then just tell him he’s jealous.”

He seems satisfied with that. It’s a comeback that doesn’t seem to break any rules. He is probably going to practice saying it so he doesn’t forget.

I wonder how some kids are just natural at being little jerks, and others never seem to master the talent.

Best Christmas gifts ever

Posted on by

It’s that time again…..

Walking into Target today, I see a row of Reindeer racing across the ceiling, Santa jolly in his sleigh behind them.

I’ve gotten the “Big Toy Book” in the mail, Sammy has been keeping it with him for the past few days.

I have been that parent who buys everything I can, because I need more, more, MORE boxes for them to open. That parent who, when finished wrapping the gazillion presents, suddenly feels there isn’t enough, and so dashes out for some more. I most likely will continue to be that parent, because I am weak.

BUT…..

I have insight into my weakness, and I think that must count for something. So, if you are stronger than me, do yourself a favor and read below for truly, the best gifts you can ever give your kids. Things they actually DO play with.

1. Money.

I should probably have prefaced by saying this list is really for kids under 6…. we can possibly stretch a bit beyond that, but my older kids would definitely not appreciate money in the way I am going to suggest giving it. I am not talking about any form of paper or plastic money. I am talking about coins. lots and lots of coins.

My kids have all had a healthy fascination with money, in coin form, as little ones. Jake used to hide coins all over the house, he amassed a small fortune before the age of 10 just from the change he would slip off the counters, and sometimes out of my purse. Sammy has probably 5 different banks, and he divides up his coins, mixed with all of his fake pirate gold pieces, into these banks, as well as various buckets, Tupperware containers, and really anything hollow around the house. Jenna has lately refused to go up to bed without holding her blankets, her pink unicorn, and money. She needs change, preferably silver, at least two pieces in hand. If I walk past a dresser carrying her, she will scream at me to go back for the money if she sees any laying around.

so, a pile of coins. A couple buckets. Good to go.

The shark bank Sammy made, with his digital counting bank, and the most annoying ever football bank that yells "Touchdown" EVERY time you put a coin in.

The shark bank Sammy made, with his digital counting bank, and the most annoying ever football bank that yells “Touchdown” EVERY time you put a coin in.

Coins....they are EVERYWHERE

Coins….they are EVERYWHERE

2. A box.

Big enough to hide in, and preferably with a mile of bubble wrap inside. Even the 13 year old gets excited when mom starts getting boxes from Amazon, they ALL love bubble wrap. Keep whatever was IN the box for yourself.

3. Little plastic pieces of crap.

Just sift through the bottom of your existing toy box. Grab the tiny Lego’s, Barbie shoes, and all of those little pieces that go to…something, something that will never be put together again. Stick them in a cute little box. You will be a hero. Now, you can take this up a level….do what I did one year and purchase about 300 tiny pink organza drawstring bags from Amazon without reading the actual size or where they are coming from (overseas). Get them, realize they are way too small for party favors, not to mention weeks late for the party….and give them to your 4-ish year old. Mega hit.

I have little pink organza bags filled with little pieces of plastic crap hidden all over my house. When he ran out of his own crap, he asked for some of mine. I am still finding these bags with all sorts of interesting surprises inside. (gummy snacks, plastic fish, disassembled watch…) It has been 1 year, and they have not gotten old. I throw away what I can, but there were 300….it will take a while.

b

4. Post it’s.

Assorted sizes in rainbow colors. This appeals to little ones, they love to write on each and every piece of paper, and stick them all over. I was looking in all the little containers we have in the house to find hidden coins, and stumbled across this gold mine. Recently, Sammy was my waiter, and was kind enough to take my order entirely on post-it notes, one for each item I wanted. He must have saved them because he wants to remember all my favorite foods. 🙂

b1

5. Measuring Cups and Spatulas.

b5

There is one drawer in my kitchen that no longer belongs to me. It has been commandeered by the young ones. From the days of sitting up and not crawling yet, to a rambunctious preschooler…that drawer has had a magical pull for the kids. They love to pretend, they “cook”, they decorate with utensils and cookware, and fill up measuring cups with money and little pieces of plastic crap.

I have toys that are not played with, toys that have never BEEN played with, toys that are more interesting to the kids when broken into pieces that will fit into a tiny pink organza drawstring bag…

So although I fully intend to waste more money this year, I will do so with a heavy heart. I already know that anything I buy will not hold a candle to the treasure trove of junk in my home that keeps the kids consistently busy day after day, and probably in total costs less than $100 to replace.