Go figure……

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I planted mint, along with some other herbs, maybe 2 years ago.

I planted them close to my front door….. in the middle of a nicely mulched and landscaped section of the front yard. figured it would just add to the foliage…

Of course, the mint took over. It killed the basil, and the cilantro…and whatever else I planted with it. The mint flourished, and then it just kept going. Every time I see it, it’s bigger….and I finally realized the lawn guys aren’t going to fix it for me.

Little known fact, Audrey II was a mutant mint plant…I’m pretty sure….

 

Today, after work…. I decided it was time. I grabbed the 3 and 6 year olds, armed ourselves with gloves and yard tools. We pulled, and hacked, and yanked, and dug. They were having a ball, and thanked me, THANKED me for letting them help me.

As I’m sweating, and slashing away, I think of how silly I am to ever waste money on these kids. Going to movies, which is what I originally intended to do with them today….Taking them on toy runs, walking to get ice cream.

Instead, hard labor. Dirt and sweat, these are the things they are jazzed about. They didn’t want to take out ALL the mint, because they wanted to be able to come back and tear it out again. I promised them it will be back, probably next week….. And I get Jenna, beaming at me, “Oh, Thank You momma! You’re the best!!”

And then, guess what?

We washed the huge gross garbage cans outside and I let them help throw buckets of water into them as I rinsed them out.

We were dirty, hot, sweaty, gross, and I’m sure smelly…and I didn’t spend a dime.

And they LOVED it. Best day ever.

Weirdos.

You can’t always blame it on the Chia Seeds

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I sweep the floor, and wipe the floor, and wash the floor a lot. It’s important for you to know this so you can really appreciate the breakdown I almost had today.

I had my 1 year old nephew over yesterday, plus the 3 and 6 and 15 year old at home with me. Each kid exponentially increasing the number of times I cleaned the kitchen floor.

messy little buggers…

 

 

My nightmare began when I brought the kids upstairs after playing in the basement yesterday. The 15 year old had just left for his dads house, it was just me and the three littles.

Walking into the kitchen, I notice….dirt…..something…..on the floor. First it’s just a few specks that catch my eye, but as I look, more and more becomes visible. It’s near the side door….and the kitchen table. Little black hard specks. Did Jake go outside and track this in before he left?!  But it’s almost too hard…. I looked at the houseplants suspiciously….did someone knock one over??

I sweep. Holy hell, it’s all over the floor!! Even the hallway?! What…… I swear, I just cleaned this floor!

I blamed it on a Kashi bar with chia seeds. The one year old was carrying it around, still in the wrapper, but I figured there must have been a hole or tear, hence these little black “seeds” all over.

I vacuumed… it felt like tiny chia shrapnel shooting into my ankles…a PILE on the carpet, then Sammy pointed out a trail of them on the couch. I spent a lot of time vacuuming. Sweeping. Wiping up. Eventually, the kids went to bed, chia seed bar went in the trash, and I told the husband about it when he got home. Funny. ha ha ha.

This morning. The three little ones are all with me still. WHAT is this stuff I’m stepping on….feels like….more chia seeds?! But how???

More vacuuming… how did I miss so many on the rug? More sweeping….HOW are they BACK?? Now I’m starting to panic. Are these REALLY chia seeds? There is something a little too hard… an almost metallic glint to some of them…. and chia seeds don’t seem so aggressive usually……

                              They LOOK innocent…….

Mind races…. some sort of insect? Pieces of insect? How are they being left on my floor practically under my nose!!? Cicada’s?? I feel like I’m missing something…. maybe I need to Google “suspicious small black specks showing up on my floor whenever I turn my back”…  I realize I just wanted it to be the chia seeds… that stupid Kashi bar was never opened, I checked….

Back and forth. Back and forth. Every time I look, everywhere I look, there are more.

At this point I’m talking to myself, a little panicked. What is going on? Am I crazy? Looking for the video camera…. is this a joke? Aliens? Am I in hell??  Because I can’t stop cleaning, EVER, if I can’t stop these things from appearing after I just cleaned them up!

This is hilarious….

And then I notice Sammy. Sitting at the kitchen table, eating fake Dorito’s, with a pile of those demonic black specks under his chair. Why are they black and not orange!?  I’m convinced this is the twilight zone. This is my eternity….I just cleaned under that chair!! I creep closer, waiting for some horror to make itself known.

And I notice something.

He’s wearing ankle weights.

And one has a leak. This kid has been spilling that gritty black filler since yesterday, All. Over. My. House.

“Ohmygodsammyitstheankleweights!!!!”

He looks startled….then sheepish as I remove them from his ankles, black evil specks spilling out as I do it.

Now clearly, these are not chia seeds…..but I had to find a way to rationalize what was happening…… so, sorry chia seeds, my bad.

 

 

 

Dying for a fish fillet

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The cravings are killing me lately. Fasting is easiest for me in the beginning…. and then as the days go by without snacking…..I start to feel a little unstable.

Last night I made sure the husband had “normal” food for dinner, but I had compiled an assortment of things I felt I needed. Lentil soup. Kale Salad. Strawberry-Mango flatbread.  Sushi. Doritos. The night ended with a headless chocolate bunny left in the fridge….. only because I couldn’t scarf down his body quietly enough to avoid detection. That will be tonight…….

I stopped to talk to someone today, she had just eaten a hot dog, and that little end of the bun was left on her plate, sitting there all alone. Probably with a tiny end of hot dog nestled inside. and ketchup. maybe cheese.

I wanted it.

Has it come to this? Coveting discarded hot dog pieces?

And now, I can’t stop thinking about McDonald’s fish fillet. Something my grandma was very fond of as well. I stay away….mostly….from them. Sometimes though…. it’s really all you need for happiness. A perfect blend of soft, warm bun, tartar sauce, cheese, and questionable fish. Mmmmmmmmm.

youtube.com, @hodgetwins

Embarrassing moments with my kids

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We all have those moments you can’t prep the kids for, until they happen… THEN you can say “And remember not to tell Uncle Frank that his breath stinks”, or “remember not to poke the big pimples on Sally’s face”…. things you wouldn’t think to coach them about until it’s already been too late once….

So this week I’ve had a few moments like that.

First moment…. there is a mom on Sammy’s T-ball team. We’ve seen her several times in the last few days, and every time I see her she wears a purple T shirt. I noticed it as I pulled up to the game last week, I see her sitting there, in a purple shirt. I notice this to myself, in my head… and I hear Sammy in the back seat “Why does Billy’s mom always wear a purple shirt?”

After silently congratulating him for being so aware, I offer an explanation. “Probably she has a lot of purple shirts…..that seem to look exactly the same…..and just wears a lot of purple shirts. Because she likes purple.” Both kids seemed to understand. I even told Sammy, “but don’t say anything about her purple shirt because it might make her feel bad if you think she wears purple too much.”

So JENNA walks up to her…. “Why are you wearing a purple shirt?”

As I die over to the side…. the poor lady calmly answers that it was there, clean, so she just wore it. And Jenna looks very speculative…. “I have ONE purple shirt”. Then goes to play. And I am left….shaking my head and kind of laughing… don’t know what THAT was all about….kids these days….he he he……

Most recently, it was Sammy’s turn to embarrass me. We are driving with a woman who is about 20 years older than me….. she’s very skinny, definitely skinnier than me.

For some reason, the kids start to debate who is bigger, me or this lady. Sammy says I’m bigger, Jenna says the lady is bigger. I try to say they are both right. “Well, she’s big because she’s a grown up, but she’s a small grown up.”

And Sammy turns to Jenna and feels the need to educate her, “I’ve noticed that when people get old, they get smaller….for some reason…..”

 

Hangry Fatteh

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Hey, it’s Ramadan!

For the next month our lives revolve around sunset, when we can eat again. I’ll admit I sometimes cheat, but I do my best to share the experience with the husband. I think he appreciates having someone to starve fast with.

Image result for ramadan hungryunveiledthoughts.com

The usual dinner fare doesn’t quite cut it, I agree with him on this. During Ramadan we eat more of the traditional Syrian food my husband grew up with.

One dish we eat during Ramadan is Fatteh. It’s a layered dish, and generally consists of some sort of shredded or toasted bread pieces, layered with some broth or stock, and a mixture of yogurt and tahini. I depend on the husband to do all the calculating and mixing, but I’ve noticed we each like it a little different.

Here is a very loose interpretation of a recipe….should you choose to experience it for yourself.

1-2 large pieces of pita bread-toasted

1 lemon..or more

1 container plain yogurt. We get the home made kind at the Arabic store

Tahini paste

chickpeas/garbanzo beans… a big can. Or a small can. Whatever you like.

Crushed garlic….again, as much as you like.

Salt and pepper… however you like it.

slivered almonds and/or pine nuts

Butter

chopped fresh parsley

pomegranate seeds

How to Toast Pine Nuts in the Oven:

My method:

Assemble ingredients about an hour before sunset, ignoring the burning as your stomach tries to digest itself.

Empty can of large chickpeas into strainer, rinse, and place into saucepan. Cover with water and set to simmer

Look at the clock. Sigh.

Squeeze your lemon into a small container, set aside. grab a bowl to mix the tahini and yogurt together.

Chop the parsley, and peel the pomegranate if you didn’t buy the ready to eat seeds from trader joe’s.

Break the pita bread into small pieces into a glass dish, somewhat bigger than 8×8, and smaller than 9×13.

Look at everything. Look at the clock. Walk away for 20 minutes. (keep coming back to stir the chickpeas and add more water if it cooks off too fast)

Mix the yogurt and tahini…. a LOT more yogurt than tahini…. like maybe 16 oz yogurt to 3 oz tahini…. but honestly it’s not exact, just do what feels right.

Add crushed garlic. somewhere between 1-3 cloves…. or what you want.

Add lemon juice. Add salt and pepper.

Try to smell how it tastes because you can’t taste it yet. stir up really well, test consistency. should be thicker than gravy, thinner than mud. Set aside.

Melt butter in saucepan, 1-2T….or whatever you like. Add nuts. about 1/2 cup total….maybe more.  The goal is to brown the nuts and melt the butter without  burning anything, so try to time it perfectly as you finish putting the rest together……

Remove chickpeas from the stove… should be just enough water left so they aren’t fully covered. Pour over toasted pita bread, move bread around to get it all covered.

Then pour yogurt concoction on top. don’t mix fully…but move a spoon around so it can also get through the layers but stays mostly on top.

Pour the hot butter and nuts on top…. the husband likes to spread it all around so every bit is covered.

garnish with little mounds of parsley and pomegranate seeds.

This is what you might end up with

By the time we are putting together the fatteh, I am officially hangry. I have no patience for anything. I have no sense of humor. I don’t care what channel the Cavs game is on…. I just want to put this together and EAT IT.

After being exposed to my short temper, and absent sense of humor…. the husband suggested that maybe I shouldn’t fast……..

 

accidental profanity

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Took the kids to the playground the other day, it was packed.

As I follow the 3 year old, she continues her nonstop commentary about anything and everything, which I can usually just half-listen to…. but sometimes certain words will trigger my full and panicked attention.

“Mom! I SAID, can I play with that dick thing?”

“What?!!”

“That DICK thing…. can I play with it??”

I tried to do many things simultaneously…  ask her WHAT is she trying to say, while telling her NOT to say that word, and frantically looking around at all of the innocent children playing with parents nearby, hoping my daughter hasn’t corrupted anyone, or prompted a call to child services.

I had no idea what she was talking about, only sure about the fact that she was making a grave mispronunciation….

Event eventually forgotten, until yesterday. Sammy has this kit with fake dinosaur bones buried in this egg shaped concrete stuff, and you have to use the chisel and other tools to dig them out. DIG them out.

“Hey mommy, That’s the thing….. can I play with that digging thing??”

It all made sense. YES… you can play with that. The digging thing. Absolutely.

And she continues, with her 3 year old know it all smile…..

“See mom, I didn’t say Dick”.

“Jenna…. you just did say it… please, that’s not a nice word…. don’t say it again.”

“Ok…but I was just telling you that I won’t say Dick anymore….”

And then, the 6 year old comes in, as he is innocently rhyming random words….

As I walk out of the room I realize he caught the end of our conversation as I hear his sing song words now include:
“Dick…..Dyke….”

“Sammy!”

Startling him from his unknown use of offensive language. The 19 year old can’t stop laughing. Sammy looks confused. And I just give up.

It’s almost over

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savvyauntie.com

School, the school year, making lunches, early bed times, dropping off and picking up.

It’s almost over….two more days left of activities, not even real school.

Kindergarten graduation, face painting, celebrating…..here we come.

Then, staying up late, walks for ice cream, swimming and T-ball. The splash pad, lazy mornings, as time keeps creeping by….

Soon enough, we’re ignoring the school supplies, the racks of polo shirts and khaki pants, but still stocking up on lunch baggies and juice boxes.

Because it’s almost over again.

 

 

Blogger recognition award

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Today I was nominated for my 3rd blogging award, The Blogger Recognition Award, by the deliciously witty Agatha Chocolates. Of course,  I am incredibly honored to even be noticed by someone who can combine chocolate with mystery writing in such an amusing and yummy fashion. I actually used one of her posts “chocolate tears” to test the deductive reasoning skills of myself vs my 15 year old and 3 year old…… we don’t need to talk about the outcome…..

The rules are as follows:

  1. Write a post to show your award.
  2. Acknowledge the blogger who nominated you.
  3. Give a brief story of how you started your blog.
  4. Give two pieces of advice to new bloggers.
  5. Nominate 15 bloggers who deserve the award.

So….. how I started my blog……

It was actually an experiment done for my sister, who knew I always loved writing and journaling life events. She was all hyped up on this “mommy blog” thing and convinced me that my humble experiences would not only be earth shatteringly interesting to the rest of the (blogging) world….. but that I would have offers of free services and products thrown at me by companies dying for my opinion about their stuff.

I am expecting a call any day now. Aaaaaaaaaany day now……..

Hey, Kim…….

Advice to new bloggers?

  1. It’s not all about YOU. I originally started writing these posts….and didn’t actively search out other bloggers. Followers trickled in, and I was always excited to see it, but didn’t initially think about following anyone else. Duh. Once I learned more about navigating word press, finding bloggers with similar and sometimes completely opposite interests, I found myself enjoying the experience so much more. I followed people, realizing I cared and wanted to know more about them, what they were going to say next. Now I feel I actually have virtual friends, blogs I follow and look for if I haven’t seen a post in a while. I want to know about that bad kid in the neighborhood who keeps sneaking into one persons house, I want to know how this other persons divorce is going to pan out, I want to know how many ways I can use cheese or chocolate to improve my life! So don’t just focus on your blog…. open yourself to the whole experience…THAT’s the fun part.

2. My second piece of advice is just to say that following a schedule didn’t work for me. I originally tried to post so many times per week….and it was too hard with this deadline looming over my head. I was supposed to have a format, posts planned ahead of time…which I find impossible to do. I tend to write off the cuff, often the day something funny or blog-worthy happens, I will sit down at night when the kids are finally in bed, and just plug away ’til it’s done. I probably won’t get “famous” this way, and perhaps this is why Dove is not contacting me-YET-to commit to an intensive blog review of each and every flavor of chocolate they offer…… so I guess I’ll buy my own damn chocolate for now. Unless  you want to send me some. And I will totally review it for you.

jp.jokeroo.com

 

And now, for my nominations:

  1. Neat Habitat
  2. All in a Dads Work
  3. Deconstructing Doctor
  4. A mum in Spain
  5. God, guts, and glory
  6. Heather needs a nap
  7. Anthonymize.net
  8. The shameful sheep

 

The taste of failure

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Still on my cooking kick, trying out new recipes, usually healthy-ish….

Today, to prepare for Ramadan, I tried to make something Arabic to impress the husband. It’s actually one of MY favorite things, not so much his…..but I’m pretty sure he likes it.

Maklube, or Maklouba, according to this recipe I found on Pinterest. There are a LOT of ways to make this dish. some with meat, some without. My favorite is with eggplant… It’s a layered dish, with your rice dividing layers of meat/veggies, whatever you put in it.

There is a degree of technical difficulty, as you have to flip the whole thing over onto a plate and end up with a beautiful stack of yummy layers.Garnish with nuts/parsley and I like to eat it with yogurt as well.

That’s pretty much all the information you can trust me for on this one, as I failed in this endeavor on many levels.

But, in the effort  be transparent, lest anyone think I really am as perfect as I seem……

I give you……my failure

eeewwww, oily eggplant

 

Things started out well enough, until I used about 6 cups of oil to fry up one eggplant because the oil just kept disappearing with each eggplant slice I added to the pan. I did salt the slices like instructed, and also rinsed off the salt (which I guess I shouldn’t have) . I patted dry, but didn’t squeeze it dry….apparently this matters.

I didn’t have cardamom, a key ingredient in the “spice mixture” used for the rice. I chose to plow ahead without.

I realized the recipe I used was complete, but probably I needed many more instructions….it was most likely geared to someone who had a clue about Arabic cooking and didn’t need hand holding.

At some point, I decided it must be done cooking…. so I turned off the burner and let it set about 15 minutes. Then I flipped it over onto a serving platter ever so carefully.

Major clue of failure: There is not supposed to be a big puddle of broth appearing around the base of my food tower

Clearly, it was not done….but it was too late to put it back in the pan. I chose to continue on my path of dinner destruction.

First, I drained the broth. Then I added fresh parsley and almonds with pine nuts to  mask the flavor garnish.

It doesn’t actually look too bad…..

How did it taste? Perhaps I needed to remember salt…. and less oil. Hmmm, did I burn the eggplant? Maybe a slice, or two…..

It wasn’t terrible…but it wasn’t great. Or even really good to be honest. The older kids got their dad to take them to dinner, and the poor little ones were stuck eating this with me. They made a valiant effort.

I did save some for the husband, the majority went into the garbage as there was no way anyone is going to be looking for leftovers of this stuff.

Here is what it looks like when made by someone with a clue:

chefosama.com

This is the actual photo from the recipe I used, from Chef Osama. He seems to know what he’s doing.

I’ll try it again, because I love it (when other people make it). I think next time I’ll just ask one of our relatives who not only cooks it well, but is aware of my deficiencies in the kitchen….. so they can give me all the little secret steps that might have saved me from feeding my family a brick of greasy eggplant tonight.

cupcankles

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Cankles, according to urbandictionary.com, are calves that become feet-without taking an ankle break.

This word has a negative connotation, right?  Imagine my distress when I see my little 16 month old nephew toddle across the kitchen today, supported by his own little set of cankles….

 

although these images from www.cafepress.com illustrate a movement to not only accept the cankle in our  young ones, but to support and embrace it….. the word cankle still sounds kind of harsh and judgy.

It doesn’t inspire the mental image we want to take away when thinking of our sweet, dimply, jolly little guy. You may call him Rubenesque…but you may never call him fat.

We tossed around some variations of the word…. baby + cankles = bankles????  No…….

Then the sister came up with a brilliant compromise to describe the transient phenomenon of baby cankles…

CUPcankles!!!

Doesn’t it sound adorable and kind of delicious?

One day, when the nephew is a strapping young man, complete with toned calves and visible ankles, we will remind him of his sweet little baby cupcankles. Until then, we will enjoy them 🙂