Dying for a fish fillet

The cravings are killing me lately. Fasting is easiest for me in the beginning…. and then as the days go by without snacking…..I start to feel a little unstable.

Last night I made sure the husband had “normal” food for dinner, but I had compiled an assortment of things I felt I needed. Lentil soup. Kale Salad. Strawberry-Mango flatbread.  Sushi. Doritos. The night ended with a headless chocolate bunny left in the fridge….. only because I couldn’t scarf down his body quietly enough to avoid detection. That will be tonight…….

I stopped to talk to someone today, she had just eaten a hot dog, and that little end of the bun was left on her plate, sitting there all alone. Probably with a tiny end of hot dog nestled inside. and ketchup. maybe cheese.

I wanted it.

Has it come to this? Coveting discarded hot dog pieces?

And now, I can’t stop thinking about McDonald’s fish fillet. Something my grandma was very fond of as well. I stay away….mostly….from them. Sometimes though…. it’s really all you need for happiness. A perfect blend of soft, warm bun, tartar sauce, cheese, and questionable fish. Mmmmmmmmm.

youtube.com, @hodgetwins

Advertisements

temptation and motivation

sometimes, your gummy vitamins just aren’t enough to tame the cravings. When I find myself considering self harm because I’m dying for junk food… I tend to give in.

So I got this cute little mini muffin pan and decided to make some chocolate chip something or other cookie cups to tame the inner beast. I ended up making these peanut butter chocolate chip cookie cups that only took about 20 minutes to make.

cookie

YUM. Recipe from averiecooks.com

They totally satisfied 🙂

Of course, I felt like I could give in to temptation today because I’ve been working out more. Partly because the two younger ones have been really into it, and frequently harass me into working out with them.

We all have to put on matching tank tops, or Sammy goes topless to showcase his guns….

And they actually work out with me.

cookie2

ah yes, our 10 minute bootie blast……

cookie1

the pilates “100”

cookie3

king of pilates

probably I would have a more effective workout if I would just focus on sucking my belly button into my spine instead of snapping photos and forgetting to breathe…. I’ll figure it out….

 

 

Desperation and dangerous deliciousness

I’m a snacker.

I love to have something sweet, especially when I’m up at night, enjoying my freedom from everyone else.

This is dangerous, because I no longer have the metabolism to support my shameless snacking. And I’ve developed a habit, a real habit for snacking on garbage.

So I went through all the cycles one must go through when confronting their snacking habit. I ignored it. I lied to myself about it. And to others, if they dared question where their mini snickers bar went. Really, why would  you even try to keep that where I could find it? I pretended if I just went back for ONE piece of candy, 50 times… that it was better than just grabbing the bag and eating all of it. Finally I admitted it. I had a problem.

So I thought I outsmarted my weak willed self, by not buying any candy! No snacks for me. No hidden licorice or jelly beans to grab. No chocolate covered anything. No mini chocolate donuts.

Sigh.

That lasted a couple days. And tonight I’m scavenging for something. Anything to feed this craving. No, I don’t WANT an apple, or a yogurt, or peanuts…. or any of the completely delicious and healthy things I force my kids to snack on every day.

No.

I want sugar, the kind that puts holes in your teeth. The kind that pulls out your fillings, sweet, chewy, delicious and bad for you. And I have NONE.

So on my 3rd round through the cabinets, looking for any morsel that may have been hidden too well from myself…. I find my fix. Delicious and gummy, coated in sugar. How did I not notice these before? And assorted fruit flavors! It might just work.

gummy

So happy to be vitamin D deficient right now. Don’t even talk to me about the dangers of overdose… I’m a medical professional, I’ve got this covered.