Girl power


courtesy of: Pinup Girls

Yesterday, Jenna had a preschool interview.

This consisted of me bringing her to the school, taking her to the class, and leaving her for 25 minutes while I silently panicked and attempted grown-up conversation with the admissions lady.

First amazing thing…. she didn’t care if I left her in a classroom full of strange kids. Here I am hovering, and she doesn’t even look at me when I ask if I can leave her there for a little bit. She’s busy making fake cupcakes, and gives me a preoccupied “sure” as she concentrates on pink sprinkles.

Back in the office with admissions lady. Now, I know this lady, I’ve had Sammy in this school for 2 years. I should not be this nervous. But, as she sits across from me, smiling gently and so composed looking…. I just start spewing out all sorts of information because I feel the need to talk. To say SOMETHING to fill the silence, and take up time while I wait to hear Jenna’s screams as she realizes she is actually very attached to me.

After I bare my soul for a seemingly endless amount of time, we walk down to the classroom. I look through the glass, wondering if I will see any signs of distress.

Nope. Rolling clay with the teacher.

I watch another girl pick up the rolling pin that Jenna just put down. I hear Jenna yell “hey, that’s mine!”  I watch the girl hand it back without a word.

We walk into the room, and I ask how did she do?

At this age, they don’t focus or really care about the fact that she is almost reading. They do focus on social skills. I am told that She “really knows what she wants”.

This is a nice way of telling me she really bossy.

We are driving home and I ask her how she liked playing with the kids?

“Mommy, I don’t like those 2 little girls.”

What little girls???

“The ones that tried to play with my oven.” They were behind me but I pushed her away with my back. Mommy, I don’t want to play with my oven with those girls.”

So, we need to work on sharing. But I’m kind of excited…. she is the first kid, the FIRST ONE that actually speaks out for herself at this age. I might be hated, SHE might be hated by other parents soon…. but I’m pretty sure she won’t be bullied. Now to make sure she’s not the bully….


Is she ready?


My last baby is 2 and a half.

A little past the half if truth be told.

Is she ready for preschool?

Am I ready??

The 2 year program is just to get your little ones ready to be apart from you, they do some crafts, sing songs, play, dance, whatever. They learn how to follow directions from their teacher, and how to socialize with classmates. This is a 90 minute program, 2 or 3 days a week-at a center that Sammy really loved. He still misses going there, and misses “Nathan”…the boy he stalked.

I took Sammy because he was so attached to me, I was afraid of what would happen if I didn’t do a slow transition into being away from me. There is a monitor outside of the room where you can stand if you want, and watch your child the whole time.

Sammy cried his first day, for a good 5 minutes until he actually threw up into a garbage can that a teacher was holding in front of him. I was trying to resist “saving” him, but just about to race in and scoop him up. Then, after vomiting….he stopped, looked around, and started playing. Never to cry there again.

Jenna is so much more social already, I guess I feel she probably doesn’t need the baby step approach. She already seems wise beyond her years. She even accompanies her big brother to the closet to get socks when he’s afraid of the dark.

And come on… EVERY other kid is transitioning this year. One into college. One into high school. One into kindergarten.

Can’t I just hold onto her for awhile? Is this going to hurt her??

I think I’ll worry about it after she turns 3. For now, she can socialize with me. We can play school at home, and I will keep her all to myself for just a little bit longer.

Pee Nazi’s

from the book: Potty, by Leslie Patricelli

from the book: Potty, by Leslie Patricelli

Usually when I ask Sammy about school, he isn’t very forthcoming with his answers. Probably because my questions are boring and predictable.

What did you do today? Nothing. Did you have fun today? Yes. Did you learn anything new today? No.

When I’m not badgering him, he will sometimes just open up on his own and tell me all sorts of interesting things.

Like how his teachers might be Pee Nazi’s.

It started with him talking about nap time at school. He takes his naps seriously, and was complaining about some of the other kids who wanted to talk and play instead of napping, ruining the quiet time for everyone else. As he went on, he also brought up how rude one little girl is, for always wanting to use the potty at nap time. The teachers want her to wait until they all get up, so the girl cries.

This got my attention. If there is one thing I can’t stand, it’s not letting kids pee. I’ve blogged about this before.

I immediately speak up for the little girl. “Sammy, if she needs to pee, they should let her pee.”

He looks at me. Obviously he knows better.

“Mom, they want us to pee after nap. I pee after nap. If I have to pee before nap, I just hold it. We need to practice holding it.”

We go back and forth. Me explaining that sometimes you NEED to pee, and it doesn’t matter if you’re napping, or eating lunch, or playing. I’m trying to reassure him, that if he is in that situation, it’s OK to pee!

He thinks I’m stupid.

The way he responds to me… he’s being patient because he has come to the conclusion that poor mom just doesn’t get it.

We don’t pee the same way you did back in the day…… now we HOLD it. duh.

How do I complain about something that he seems to have no problem with?

“Um, yes…. my son apparently has no trouble waiting until after naptime to pee, even if he actually has to pee while he is laying there on his little cot….in fact, he seems to think I’m a little slow for not understanding that nap time is not PEE time…but can you please let that poor little girl pee??”

I still try to explain to him that no matter how impressive his bladder control might be….. sometimes you just need to go. Like now. And if he ever, EVER needs to pee, and he is told no….. he is still allowed to go, and mommy will talk to the teachers.

I’m pretty sure he doesn’t believe me, because he is well and truly brainwashed by the pee Nazi’s.

Crying in school

The 4 year old took to his new preschool unbelievably well. From the first day, he was happy to go. Then, last week he missed the whole week because the plague landed at our house and we were quarantined from society.

His first day back was this Tuesday. He cried for me several times during the day.

I spoke with him about it at home, and he seemed really fine after the fact. Told me “I’m just glad to be home with you”. No one was mean to him at school, he didn’t have any bad experiences….. and he didn’t say anything about not wanting to go back to school.

Today, I dropped him off and he was fine, excited to be there. Then his teacher called me later and said he was upset again. I had asked her to do this if it happened again.

He wasn’t screaming, yelling, unruly. He told her he just wanted to be with me, and was really tearful.

I asked to talk to him, not wanting to come pick him up and perpetuate the problem by giving him the idea that I will come every time he cries…. but I still wanted him to know that I KNEW what he was feeling and wanted him to feel better.

I heard his teary little voice on the phone, telling me he misses me and wants to be home with me. It was so hard to tell him that he needed to stay at school with his friends for now. I asked him if anything was hurting him, it wasn’t. I reminded him that I am coming to get him in a few hours and it would be way more fun for him at school than home with me and his little sister. I reminded him what a brave big boy he was, and I bribed him by telling him I would bring him a surprise when I picked him up. I asked him to make me a special picture to give to me today, hoping that would make him excited to surprise me with his awesome artwork.

I don’t know what “the right” thing to do is…. but I did what I thought would be best.

I then thought back to when my 17 year old went through a similar phase in preschool.

I put some kind of dark lipstick on, and then kissed a piece of paper to make lip marks. We folded it and put it in her pocket before school. When she felt sad, or really missed me, she could just bring out her kiss and press it on her cheek. Just like mommy kissing her. It seemed to work like a charm, some tangible evidence of my love even when we were apart.

I thought back even further… to my own first day or so of first grade. I missed my mom so much that day, I couldn’t help asking my teacher multiple times “when are we going home?” The day just dragged, and my heart felt so sick. I actually broke down and yelled “I want to go home RIGHT NOW!” and started sobbing after what I felt was the millionth time I got the brush off. I don’t remember how my mom handled it, or if she even knew.

So I feel for my Sammy. Hoping as I write this that he is having fun with his class and not still pining for me. As much as I love to know that I am loved, and missed…I don’t want my kids to be distressed.

I think these moments are not uncommon growing up, the world is a big and sometimes overwhelming place. Sometimes you just want to hug that one person who represents security, who you know loves you, to anchor you a little bit.

So I will hug and kiss him, and remind him how special he is to me. He has a little bag of surprises waiting, some glow in the dark necklaces for Halloween, a cool pirate accessory kit with eye patch and bandana. Jelly Belly’s of course. Just a few things to reward him for getting through the day.

Maybe next week he will bring a kiss to school, we will talk about what will make it easier for him to feel my love from afar.

And he will grow, and this will pass.

One day I will miss this, the part where I’m the center of his world…but he and his siblings will always be the center of mine.

school sucks



Oh. Look! There he is.

First day of “real” preschool. Ready to face the world.

Ready to make more friends. Ready to color inside the lines…… ready to LEAVE ME!!!!!

Oh. God. School sucks.

You would think after sending two others down this same path, I would be better with it.

Actually, I think BECAUSE of that, I am NOT better with it.

Look, right now, this kid love ME the most. It all starts and ends with me. Me and him. Us. I mean, yes, I also have this bond with the baby….because like him, she doesn’t know any better. But the older ones, it’s over for me with them. And if I had to pinpoint a time that the separation started…… it was when they started that damn school. Now, well, they laugh at me. Usually, behind my back. But sometimes to my face.

They know…. and he will soon know…. that Mommy doesn’t really control the world.

And that is the beginning of the end.

I just want more TIME!  And it’s crazy because after starting him in this school, my husband and I are panicked that he is already “behind” because we heard about a girl his age already reading at a first grade level. His class will be assessed this month and then the teacher will let us know how he falls within that class at conferences. I feel like I need to cram with him, all the while wanting to keep him home to myself and damn those stupid letters and numbers!

He will make friends. he will color inside the lines. He will leave me.

Never again will I be the beginning and the end for him. Sure, it won’t happen in a day. But it will START to happen, and then continue, snowballing with each grade level. He will question me…..question ME!! Can you even imagine? And just because I tell him something, he soon won’t automatically believe it. He will start to doubt me, and think maybe I don’t know everything. He may even talk about me. Actually complain about me to his friends. Laugh at me too…..

But today, he’s still mine. And I looked into those big eyes, as he talked all excitedly about his day…. and I could not help but smile at his happiness. And then smile 5 minutes later as he passed out in the car, exhausted from his new experience.


He is mine. My special boy, my preschooler, no one will ever love him more.

And if he likes his teacher too much, she will be punched.

kidding. kind of.