Political Stress Relief

Image result for stress out social mediabestessayeducation/blog

Tired of your Facebook feed blowing up as we hurtle towards the end of true freedom as we know it?

Sick of speeches against Trump, speeches supporting Trump, rallies for and against, Starbuck boycotts, Uber boycotts, Muslim boycotts, and the boycott of basic human decency?

Are you nauseous trying to sort through real reality and alternative reality, trying to figure out what’s, you know, real?

Well, you’ve come to the right place. We’ve got some tried and true methods to get your mind off the battle between Democrat and Republican, between Muslim and Christian, Between Good and Evil… ’cause that’s what it’s all about, right? No more gray area, and we all have to PROVE we’re the ones who are RIGHT. (or LEFT…ha ha ha).

Ok, so… Get on a plane. Go to Syria. Get off the plane.

Are you with me? Great.

Now time to de-stress. Get your mind off Twitter politics for a while.

Image result for syria

Take a leisurely walk. Probably avoid Aleppo. But regardless, no matter where you go…. notice the people around you. Oh….do they look kind of jumpy? No worries, bombings and random shootings will do that, but I’m sure YOU’LL be ok. Just avoid….everything…

See? Haven’t thought about Trump yet, have you?

Nowhere to stay? Right, forgot there may not be a thriving tourism business right now. No worries, you can stay with my family in Damascus. What, you think it’s weird that all the adults are home, and not working? Well, that happens when your entire business was actually destroyed, bombed, looted and there are no prospects for work because people are just trying to stay alive right now as much of the economy has been shut down. Upside, more family time, yay!

Don’t mind the lack of electricity for several hours a day. It’s actually a very complicated plot to ensure that residents (and the occasional vacationer) disconnect from social media and really connect with each other. So be grateful, and polish your conversation skills, it’ll be fun! And bonus….no Kellyanne Conway or pesky celebrities with actual opinions of their own.

Lack of running water… don’t think of it as a problem. Rather, think of it as a SOLUTION. I promise you aren’t going to be sucked into reading post after post on Facebook for a while, or making comments trying to defend your opinion on recent executive orders. You’ll be too busy making trips back and forth to a public water supply with everyone else in the area who still wants to drink, bathe, cook, or just gargle.

At the end of your stay, provided you survive, you will have developed all sorts of coping mechanisms. Once back home (cause you’ll be allowed in) they will help you deal with the stress of the common American. The daily stress felt by those safe enough to have time for it.

Deep breathe…. you’re welcome.

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Kids in the hall for dummies

A tragedy has come to my attention.

A grievous injustice.

At what point did The Kids in the Hall become unknown???

If you don’t know what I’m talking about….then you are partly responsible for the senseless loss of humor occurring at this very moment.

I can’t let it continue. Click on that link. Educate yourself. Don’t allow my secret crush, Dave Foley to fade into obscurity.

I tried to explain the magic of this particular comedy group to my oldest…. she walked away, leaving me watching YouTube videos on my kitchen floor. I feel sorry for her. She will never understand why I sometimes crush her head when standing across the room from her and she’s not looking. I alone have that power for now.

They’re from Canada. Another reason to love Canada, along with Justin Thoreau…..

So now, I have given you the tools…. watch, learn, repeat.

 

 

 

 

 

Beyond clean…

dirty

It’s funny how different people can define a concept in so many unique ways.

Take the concept of clean, for example. As in “A clean room”.

To my teen, this is a very loose concept, a fluid term, can’t be pinned down to any rigid standard…. certainly not by any standards of mine that might include Windex or a vacuum cleaner.

No…

His clean is so unstructured, so free…. free of the materialistic burden of bedspreads and dirty socks, free of the narrow-minded idea that toothpaste on the sink could ever be “unclean”. Indeed, the toothpaste is clean. The sink is clean. Together, they can only be MORE clean.

He must be evolving, my small mind tries to understand.

dirty

I struggle with it.

I’m sure it’s my own fault. My faulty reasoning, that of an adult whose only remaining dream is to walk into his room without being disgusted.

I cracked today. Vacuumed up things that didn’t seem to belong on the floor by my antiquated reasoning. Toenails, fingernails, I don’t know what that other stuff is…..

Felt a small measure of peace, probably destroyed an ecosystem he was painstakingly trying to create.

Oh, I’m sure I will remain an embarrassment. Not enlightened enough to see beyond my superficial concept of clean. I hope he can forgive me one day, and learn to somehow live with my primitive addiction to Pine-sol and Clorox wipes.

….not so evolved……