Category Archives: kids

Picture day

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courtesy of forbes.alpineschools.org

courtesy of forbes.alpineschools.org

Picture Day….It’s coming next week.

It’s a big day, I think more for us parents than for our kids.

We can plan so much of this day, the outfit, the background, the hair….. but no matter how much we practice with them, we just never know how that picture day face is going to turn out.

I remember when the older kids came home after pictures…”Show me the face you did today! Did you smile?! Teeth or no teeth??”, and they would indulge with their best reenactment of the picture day face.

It doesn’t always turn out well.

You just never know. Possible future presidential candidate…. and they dig this one up:

face2

Ouch….

So, not knowing what the future holds… we do our best to practice our best picture face. Now, this will be Sammy’s first “real” school picture day. The first in a long line of picture days to mark his growth, his awkward phases, his acne phases, perhaps his bad outfit choices. My problem is, when I tell him to smile, it usually ends up looking like this:

face1

……. I’ve got a million of these faces from a million moments I’ve tried to capture as he looks so natural…until he’s told to smile.

But I’ve noticed something. Maybe you’ve noticed this too with your own kids. Sammy is always most photogenic when he’s not smiling, when he’s serious, pissed off, even crying.

I like to call this " Young Abercrombie" Taken as he is so mad at me for forcing him to look directly into the setting sun.... but SO worth it.

I like to call this ” Young Abercrombie” Taken as he is so mad at me for forcing him to look directly into the setting sun…. but SO worth it.

So we got a form from the photographer, asking for us to fill in the usual, background color choice, blah blah blah. With it came a little questionnaire asking what they can do to help my child attain a very “pleasant expression”, and do I prefer a serious face, or a smiling face?

Serious, definitely serious. And if you can get him teary eyed, but not actually crying, that would be great.

 

 

 

 

Crying in school

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clipartbest.com

clipartbest.com

The 4 year old took to his new preschool unbelievably well. From the first day, he was happy to go. Then, last week he missed the whole week because the plague landed at our house and we were quarantined from society.

His first day back was this Tuesday. He cried for me several times during the day.

I spoke with him about it at home, and he seemed really fine after the fact. Told me “I’m just glad to be home with you”. No one was mean to him at school, he didn’t have any bad experiences….. and he didn’t say anything about not wanting to go back to school.

Today, I dropped him off and he was fine, excited to be there. Then his teacher called me later and said he was upset again. I had asked her to do this if it happened again.

He wasn’t screaming, yelling, unruly. He told her he just wanted to be with me, and was really tearful.

I asked to talk to him, not wanting to come pick him up and perpetuate the problem by giving him the idea that I will come every time he cries…. but I still wanted him to know that I KNEW what he was feeling and wanted him to feel better.

I heard his teary little voice on the phone, telling me he misses me and wants to be home with me. It was so hard to tell him that he needed to stay at school with his friends for now. I asked him if anything was hurting him, it wasn’t. I reminded him that I am coming to get him in a few hours and it would be way more fun for him at school than home with me and his little sister. I reminded him what a brave big boy he was, and I bribed him by telling him I would bring him a surprise when I picked him up. I asked him to make me a special picture to give to me today, hoping that would make him excited to surprise me with his awesome artwork.

I don’t know what “the right” thing to do is…. but I did what I thought would be best.

I then thought back to when my 17 year old went through a similar phase in preschool.

I put some kind of dark lipstick on, and then kissed a piece of paper to make lip marks. We folded it and put it in her pocket before school. When she felt sad, or really missed me, she could just bring out her kiss and press it on her cheek. Just like mommy kissing her. It seemed to work like a charm, some tangible evidence of my love even when we were apart.

I thought back even further… to my own first day or so of first grade. I missed my mom so much that day, I couldn’t help asking my teacher multiple times “when are we going home?” The day just dragged, and my heart felt so sick. I actually broke down and yelled “I want to go home RIGHT NOW!” and started sobbing after what I felt was the millionth time I got the brush off. I don’t remember how my mom handled it, or if she even knew.

So I feel for my Sammy. Hoping as I write this that he is having fun with his class and not still pining for me. As much as I love to know that I am loved, and missed…I don’t want my kids to be distressed.

I think these moments are not uncommon growing up, the world is a big and sometimes overwhelming place. Sometimes you just want to hug that one person who represents security, who you know loves you, to anchor you a little bit.

So I will hug and kiss him, and remind him how special he is to me. He has a little bag of surprises waiting, some glow in the dark necklaces for Halloween, a cool pirate accessory kit with eye patch and bandana. Jelly Belly’s of course. Just a few things to reward him for getting through the day.

Maybe next week he will bring a kiss to school, we will talk about what will make it easier for him to feel my love from afar.

And he will grow, and this will pass.

One day I will miss this, the part where I’m the center of his world…but he and his siblings will always be the center of mine.

Bye-bye binkie

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2312

Binkie. Pacifier. Plug.

That thing you stick in the babies mouth to get them to stop crying. When they need some nonnutritive sucking. When you need a break. I didn’t use one with my first 2 kids….so I must have thought I was doing something right, or better than those that did. Because I was stupid then.

So when I had the 4 year old, and my husband and his family really really encouraged the pacifier, and even the wearing of the pacifier with a string that clips to his clothes… I felt really uncomfortable about it. He was the first baby I successfully  nursed, and I thought maybe he needs the extra sucking practice? Maybe he needs that to be comforted? Lots of kids DO need it. I remember the actual day he really TOOK to the pacifier. Like, if I took it out of his mouth he would scream until I put it back. He didn’t want to nurse…he wanted the pacifier. I didn’t like it at all.

I saw that pacifier as a crutch, almost a drug. Baby Heroin. I didn’t like him NEEDING that. So I limited it’s use, after the newborn period and colic was over….only nap and bedtime.

I can’t tell you how  many fights I had with my husband about that stupid pacifier. I would go somewhere and come home to find Sammy running around with that thing in his mouth. I really, really had an issue with it. I strategized how to get rid of it, researched the best age to do it before the binkie becomes more of a “habit” than a needed comfort.

I preached to my husband about all the things I read, and he looked at me like I was crazy. He didn’t see the problem. Let the kid have a pacifier, geez.

I got rid of Sammy’s when he was 15 months old. I waited until Daddy was on a trip away from home so he couldn’t interfere….I knew he could never stand to see the baby upset about it. Truthfully…. we had a couple nights of waking up a lot…and then nothing, he was fine.

So here comes the last one. baby number 4. As any parent of multiple kids will tell you, your standards seem to be a lot less rigid with each new addition.

I made sure with Jenna that we had plenty of pacifiers. I no longer saw it as my enemy, and sometimes I had to pop it in to buy 10 minutes before I could feed her when I had a screaming toddler to settle down first.

But… 15 months went by, 16, 17….20, 21…. and I am telling myself that I need to get rid of that thing… but I admit… I am so lazy now. Beaten down. Tired. I don’t WANT to deal with what might happen if I take it away. Now that she looks for her binkie at bedtime. although it does nothing to keep her sleeping all night, and she still ends up in bed with me, or loudly whispering that she wants to go downstairs at 6:30 in the morning.

Well, hubby was on a trip this week. I prepared to dispose of the binkies. I did nothing the first couple nights… and finally 2 days ago just brought her to bed without it. she asked for it. I told her it was broken and yucky. She slept. Now, I’ve collected the binkies around the house…and they are all in a cabinet and have not been used in 2 days.

this feels so weird.

Are we really done?

I guess so…

I don’t feel super excited or relieved to have the horror of the binkie behind us. I feel like it’s not real yet. I need to throw them away, but I’m afraid. Maybe it was just too easy. If I don’t have that, what else can I hyper-focus on??!!

I’m sure I’ll think of something.

The baby will cure cancer….maybe

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genius

courtesy of huffingtonpost.com

I find it funny that the almost 22 month old knows ALL of her letters (capital AND lower case) and can name them faster than her big brother, prompting him to either stomp away or try to hurt her without me seeing it.

The 4 year old, like his older brother before him, enjoys running, jumping, playing, hiding, throwing, and HATES to be sat down to practice writing his letters. He never wants to “play school”, yet he does enjoy school while he is there. If I let him watch TV, he begs for sponge-bob. NOT anything educational.

The toddler begs to watch this Youtube video I found about letters, initially meant for the older one. She’s obsessed with it and if allowed, will sit at a kitchen chair and stick her face in my laptop until I force her to go play. She knew her letters before I even  knew she knew…. showing my sister pieces from a letter puzzle and reciting them correctly “A….U….R….”. My sis was shocked….. and I acted of course like it was no big deal, then made her do it for me over and over when we were alone together.

4 year old can count….but often skips important numbers like 15, 18, and it gets pretty shady after 30. Toddler has learned to count to 15…she does not skip numbers. She will also start where you leave off, which is how I found out she could go past 10…when I heard her little voice saying “11….12….13….” I learned this week that she can also count to 10 in Arabic.

She’s a genius, right?

Surely, she will find a cure for cancer….

The fact that she already knows shapes like diamond, triangle, and star, and the difference between an square and rectangle means she is absolutely the smartest toddler on the face of this planet, right??

she speaks in full sentences, makes jokes, expresses herself so well…. There can be no doubt of her greatness, and future of even more greatness….right?

I don’t know, really.

I do know this…. my oldest was a lot like the baby is now, talked early, and amazed me with her abilities. When my second was born… the first boy…. I wondered what was wrong with him. Why didn’t he talk? Where was that breezy recognition of the world, so effortless for the first? He was so different, and we worried….maybe he wouldn’t be as smart??? Is that terrible?

But now, so many years later…. you would not know they ever started out so differently. Both so intelligent, avid readers, and the 13 year old scores impossibly high in math and science. He was not, and is not a dummy. He just took longer to focus, to slow down.

So with the second two…. I’m not so concerned about the 4 year old not reading on his own yet… or still mixing up some letters. I work with him, and play with him too. He’s a smart kid, but right now he would rather wear his Halloween costume all over the house, fighting bad guys and saving the world…it’s more appealing to him than writing out his “R’s” in a nice neat row. he will be fine.

The toddler is just fun right now, and I’m enjoying how much she can absorb. I expect that with the passage of time, she will prove to be a smart little girl, the regular kind, not the genius kind. I won’t lie though, yesterday I was playing a math game with the 4 year old…”If I have 2 apples, and daddy gives me 2 more apples, how many do I have?…. I was seriously expecting the baby to start jumping in with correct answers. That really would have freaked me out.

Now that I am in this parent gig, 4 kids deep…. I’ve learned that things usually have a way of evening out… so I’m not going to plan for the youngest to take over the world just yet…..but I still like to catch her singing her ABC’s on video, and sharing those little moments with my friends.

I hope people don’t find me obnoxious when I post these video’s on Facebook. Because I still can’t help it, I find it so adorable, and I want to catch everything she does and share how happy she makes me. I love that she surprises me so often, and can communicate so well with me.

She’s my last one people!! Let me have that. I am just so happy with her I sometimes want to squeeze her until she pops.

jennaj

Dear Puke:

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The “puke bowl” which has remained puke free while the house is christened with vomit

Was it necessary to lure my son into a false sense of security…… allowing him to eat hard boiled eggs, black olives, hummus, and pickles RIGHT before you decide to make a grand entrance??

Was it necessary to wait until he was cuddled up in the middle of my bed for a nap, surrounded by fluffy pillows and all of his little blankets?

Have you also been thinking that it’s time for a new bedspread? And sheets? And pillows? And mattress???

You probably think I’ve gotten soft, a little too comfortable, since you’ve been away for the past 10 months. Did you think we’d forgotten you?

I assure you, you will never be forgotten.

All the times you’ve erupted from an unsuspecting child, into my lap, my hair, down my back (remember that time??), sometimes the sink or the toilet…. I promise, I will not forget you.

All the times I’ve held my sick baby close to me, and then you decide to show up and make it a party. Thank you. I love laundry. The kids love the pretty colors, you never look the same twice. It’s a neat trick.

Now, the 4 year old seems pretty excited to see you again today. He just asked me for another pickle, and I asked him if he was on crack. We both said no.

It’s not that I don’t appreciate the random beauty of your nature. It’s a gift that you can ALWAYS catch us off guard. But, I can’t make it that easy for you. Despite the years we’ve known each other, the odd situations we find ourselves meeting in…. I can’t say you are a “friend”. But, I will acknowledge you when we meet, and treat you with the very careful respect you deserve. You can be sure, I will never ignore you.

And thanks, really, for keeping me on my toes.

And for the new bedding I will be purchasing, as soon as I know you are gone.