back with Jillian

smug

A very smug smile. courtesy of parade.com

 

The vacation is booked, so there is no going back. We are going to a place where it will be pretty much mandatory that I get in the water, outside, in public.

Now earnestly trying to cram a year of working out into 4 weeks.

At what point is it acceptable for me to wear a swim dress? A swim jogging suit? Can I get away with this? Those LL Bean models look great in their long sleeve rash guards…. but why the tiny bottoms?? Where are their long pants?

So I have to stop playing around here.

Turn on the TV, ready in my workout clothes…. back to the 30 day shred. Sorry Charlene, you are super nice…. but you don’t yell enough for me to truly exert myself. You make me feel too good about myself the way I am. I need someone that makes me feel kind of crappy and out of shape. I need to be shamed into fixing this.

Jillian is of course smug about the whole thing. She knew I’d be back.

 

PI-YO!

beachbody.com

beachbody.com

PIYO (pronounced PIE-YO). It’s a new workout for me.

So far? I LOVE IT. I am so sorry to Jillian Michaels, who has been my workout guru thus far. I feel like such a bad friend to her right now. But it’s true, even though the PIYO workouts have increased in intensity and it’s not as easy as I led myself to believe at first…. I still feel so good DOING them, and I am much more motivated to continue my workouts than I was with Jillian.

I’ve got the kids with me most days, Sammy is the expert in child’s pose, and Jenna is Miss downward dog. They seem to love it too. Yesterday Jenna turned to me and said “beach body”, perfectly in time with the DVD, and you should see her sumo squats!

I don’t feel like I’m getting yelled at, in fact, Charlene tells me I can do child’s pose whenever I want, I don’t even have to ask. Who is Charlene you ask?? Charlene Johnson. My new imaginary best friend. She doesn’t make me do rock star jumps.

In fact, the workout is so different than most programs I’ve tried recently. A cross between Pilates and Yoga, there is a lot of fluid movement, then throwing in push ups and all different types of squats.

I’m actually trying to follow the 2 month calendar that comes with the set of DVD’s I bought. I’m following it, very loosely. But as my butt and hamstrings are sore most days, I feel something good must be coming from it.

And Charlene… well, she’s just so, so NICE. Always telling me what a great job I’m doing, and it’s ok to take a break, and even thanking me for being there!! She has some pretty good music during her workouts too, which doesn’t hurt.

Somehow as I recently compared the workouts, my mind wandered and I started to compare Jillian and Charlene, like who would win if they decided to duke it out on the yoga mat?

Probably Jillian, hands down. She’s definitely more aggressive all together, I can see her fighting dirty to make sure she wins, eye poking, fish hooking…the works. Poor Charlene…..

I guess I’m enjoying the more relaxed yet hopefully super effective PIYO workout. I love the positive reinforcement, and I feel really cool when I can keep up with all the moves. Sorry Jillian Michaels. Please, don’t hurt me.

Take THAT Jillian Michaels!!  courtesy of: tombclock.com

Take THAT Jillian Michaels!!
courtesy of: tombclock.com

"I KNOW you didn't just say that!!" tmz.com

“I KNOW you didn’t just say that!!”
tmz.com

Avoiding Jillian Michaels

 

I used to work out with Jillian Michaels. In my basement.

It was nice, she was there for me every morning, or anytime I went looking for her, really.  I got to know her, and the girls she brought to work out with us. She understood my limited time, and totally did not mind pausing if a wandering baby pooped herself in the middle of our workout, forcing me to change her before we finished.

We even had names for our workout routines, my absolute favorites were: Banish Fat, Boost Metabolism, 30 Day Shred, Ripped in 30, and No More Trouble Zones. That last one, I loved it.

We were such good workout buddies. She really understood my needs.

Well, time went on, and somehow I started missing some of our workout dates. It was hard to meet up with her, when I had all these kids to DO STUFF with, and I’ll admit, some days I just got lazy.

Jillian doesn’t like lazy. I know that. If she said it once, she said it a thousand times….. “It’s only 20 minutes, you don’t get a break!”  I got tired of her saying the same things over and over, you know how it is. And some of those moves, was she kidding?

I loved her 3-2-1 system of strength, cardio, abs. But then when we moved up to a more challenging level I was supposed to live in a plank position, dying on the floor as she cackled at me, not even breaking a sweat. And Rock Star Jumps. Um…. I know she hasn’t carried a baby inside of her, maybe that’s why she’s not afraid of her uterus falling onto the floor when she does them. Or peeing herself, I don’t see her crossing her legs and taking a minute to make sure nothing is going to sneak out.

Sometimes I would just do my own thing while she and her girls illustrated just how in shape I was NEVER going to be. And the longer I lapsed between our workouts, the more I realized she must have been working out between our sessions, because she picked up right where she left off when we were last together, yet I was forced to start back on level one, or struggle through level two.

I began to dread working out with her.  To her credit, she never acted like she noticed. Just as perky and motivating as before. Maybe neither of us wanted to verbalize it….but it was clear, we were growing apart.

I haven’t seen Jillian in over a month. Yes, I took the cowards way out and just stopped showing up. I guess I find that easier than having “the talk”.

But I’ve kind of been missing her. It WAS nice having her there to encourage me in my quest for physical fitness. She never judged me for doing high knees instead of rock star jumps. Maybe I just got too sensitive. Maybe I just got lazy. Maybe I feel like my butt is turning into a pancake and I don’t have the money for cool laser lipo…yet.

So I think, one day soon, I’m going to try to stop avoiding Jillian Michaels. My plan? Well, I’m going to act like nothing ever happened. I’ll probably show up one morning soon, and just join in again. She’s way to professional to call me on it, so I don’t need to worry about explaining myself.

Until that day, I just won’t look at that corner of my basement where we used to work out. Might get awkward if we made eye contact before I was ready……