Another pee story

Because you can’t really hear enough about pee, right?

There was an accident in the dining room today, as the 3 year old was playing hide and seek with her brother. A pee accident. Because she couldn’t come out of her hiding spot, so what was a girl to do?

After a tearful (on her part) and somewhat angry (on my part) discussion on the merits of peeing when you need to go vs “holding it”…. we came to an agreement. We agreed to still love each other even when one of us decides to pee our pants, and even if the other person is not very happy about it. And also that we really should take time to stop playing and go pee before it decides to make a grand entrance on a very expensive rug that your father may have a stroke over if he ever found out. She missed the rug…but it was close. Too close.

But as my husband hears the story, he seems so shocked….why did she do it?

Oh, I know.

And now for my next pee story.

I was somewhere around 5 or 6 years old. Playing at the neighbors house, and at some point realized I needed to pee. I think I was in a battle with my bladder, not wanting to allow it any power over me. I would be the one to choose my place and time of elimination, thank you very much! Not some brainless, hollow organ that can’t even stretch enough to let me finish playing a summer afternoon game of hide and seek.

At some point the urge grew from nagging to alarming. I crouched down, begging my body to just HOLD IT IN! I was doing fine, until I lost my balance, fell over and released Hoover Dam.

flikrhivemind.net

I then stood, and took stock of what I had to work with. Warm sunny day, very wet pants. Can’t blame it on falling in a puddle….. but I COULD blame it on falling in a puddle of BUBBLES! Of course, I would tell my parents we were playing with a lake of bubbles and silly me fell in. Surely they would buy it!

I still remember crying, insisting it was BUBBLES and not pee!!!  Isn’t it funny how indignant we get when someone doesn’t believe our perfectly plausible lie?

So I get it. I get that I will have to expect these moments here and there, and remind the youngest to pee sometimes when she’s doing her best to avoid it. And I’ll tell her all the stuff, like I did today, about how it’s bad to hold it in, and not good for your body etc….

What I won’t tell her is that I’ve just gotten sooooo much better at holding it. That’s right, pee, I’m totally the boss of you.

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I don’t want to succeed

junk

courtesy of superhealthykids.com

This week, I had a plan.

Eat healthy, get back to working out every day.

I’m sabotaging myself, and not feeling guilty enough about it yet.

What do burger king onion rings, chocolate peanut butter brownies, skittles, Starbucks beverages, peppermint patties, and lots of chocolate ice cream have in common???

Equal contribution to my failure and gluttonous satisfaction.

And so, tomorrow…. probably…. I will do better.

Onion rings and the unfairness of life

Can you believe, I'm stalking this guy???

Can you believe, I’m stalking this guy???   image from: nbcmiami.com

I would like to say that I am not a fast food nut. I know it’s bad for me. I don’t eat it regularly.

There are certain fast food places that I haven’t been to in many years. Burger King is one of those places. Well, it was one of those places.

Before this year, I couldn’t tell  you the last time I ate at a burger king. I remember believing that everything there tasted the same…. and although we loved their onion rings as kids (when there was an actual solid piece of onion inside), I wasn’t too keen on them after they changed.

I really thought they were going to end up closing soon….who goes to burger king??!!

This was my perception.

Just so happens there is a Burger King really close to the school the 5 year old attends. One day, I was rushing to pick him up and hadn’t eaten yet. Got there about 15 minutes early so decided to just swing in and grab something. Prepared to be unimpressed.

A small onion ring later, I am stupefied. They were AMAZING. Really warm, and salty, and I just could not quite figure out what that amazing flavor was……why, I think it’s grease!!! Freshly dipped in hot grease, salted within in inch of their lives…. I downed them in record time.

hot, delicious, greasy, addictive.........

hot, delicious, greasy, addictive………

And so the downward spiral began….. suddenly, I was making sure I got to school early, swinging into BK and getting a cheeseburger kids meal with onion rings.

I don’t even eat burgers…. what’s happening to me??!  I loved that kids meal. I’m stuffing my face with questionable meat and salty onion rings, loving every second of it. Balling up the bag so I’m not found out when the kid gets out of school.

I have a problem. I need help.

I took my oldest in search of a burger king a couple months ago, trying to explain to her why I can’t stay away from those stupid onion rings. Found the closest one to home, the onion rings were terrible. I was so happy, thinking I was finally over my addiction.

No. It just kept me away from that one.

Now that school is out for the summer, I’m thinking I can finally wean myself off the stuff. But isn’t it funny there is a burger king very conveniently placed on my usual route when I round at various facilities during the week??? I can’t get away from them.

How many calories in the small onion rings??? Only 320. Sodium? Just 840mg. Fat?? Ha, almost NO fat–at 16 grams.

It’s not fair for them to taste so good, when they are sooooo bad.