Taco salad can predict the future

Taco-Salad

I want a taco salad.

I don’t want to make one, I want one from taco bell. I don’t eat these very often, but today I want one.

I resisted the urge all day, but tonight it’s calling to me from across the road as I stir this delicious dinner of vegetables with green curry. I’m not being sarcastic here, it’s really good.

But it’s not a taco salad and so is not going to satisfy me.

I couldn’t get one for myself.  I was rushing with the kids to get them home and in bed, having just brought soup to my own mom who isn’t feeling well. She told me not to come, but I knew she would eat the soup… ended up driving home later than I thought, and although I pass taco bell, I just couldn’t justify wasting the time for myself.

Running upstairs to get them to bed, see the oldest sitting on her bed, hasn’t gone out with her friends yet. PERFECT.

“Please, can you get me a taco salad?”

I get a stare.

“You don’t need a taco salad. I’m doing you a favor”

I throw out another please but don’t have time to grovel as I start the bed time ritual for the two little ones.

Soon after, I hear her leave the house. I begin to think along the lines of “wow, she’s really getting it for me…. awwww, she didn’t have to, that’s so nice.”

But time passes, and she doesn’t come back. I notice a text on my phone. It’s from her, she’s going out with her friends. I’ve lost hope.

After this revelation… a little passive aggressive texting back and forth, me trying to ensure she feels guilty and suddenly realizes how much she loves and appreciates me, and how much I DO FOR HER… her focusing more on the fact that I seem to be upset about a taco salad, and not the meaning BEHIND IT….

Because this obviously means that I will end up in “a home”. Alone. Discarded as soon as I am no longer useful.

Currently working on a way of avoiding this, while also ensuring all remaining children find it impossible to say no to me for any reason.

 

 

 

 

The Christmas Bidet

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It’s usually very predictable, what I get my dad for gifts.

He likes going to movies, he likes to read. He likes the leisure/sweatsuit look… preferable with a collar that can “pop”.

We’ve gotten him things to fit these well known and comfortable interests…. but this Christmas I went off the map. I strayed from the formula.

I told my sister first, “I got dad a bidet for Christmas.”

her response?

“Fabulous!”

I got him other stuff too. The token gift cards for dinner and a movie….an awesome and sentimental collage blanket….couple other small things. And the bidet. We have the same one in a couple of our bathrooms, super easy to install and use.

For some reason I really thought he’d think it was kind of cool, trendy…. finally, a gift he would never guess!

As he opened it, and looked at me with a puzzled frown, I tried to sell him on the finer points.

“You’ll save so much money on toilet paper!”

“It’s really hygienic!…..not that you aren’t hygienic…..er…. I wouldn’t know of course…….”

awkward.

loss of eye contact.

aaaaand moving on to other gifts…….. bidet sits lonely, possibly wondering why people are revolted at the thought of cleaning their behinds with its superior skills.

Probably didn’t help that I forgot the token movie/dinner gift cards in my car, and they are still sitting on the dash–waiting for their moment of appreciation.

So now dad, who is slightly paranoid, is no doubt wondering if he smells bad, or if I find him dirty, and looking for a hidden meaning behind my well intentioned gift.

I can’t wait to see him again and see if that uncomfortable chuckle keeps happening when we look at each other.

Lesson learned. Never, never buy things for your parents that might give them the impression that you suspect they have dirty butts. Even if you do suspect it…. it can never be mentioned.

Parent/child bond…. traumatized.

 

 

 

 

Vegas is broken

We booked this trip months ago, way before we realized the cold weather we were fleeing from in Ohio was actually going to be on vacation itself… in Vegas… the same week as us.

So, ok…as I tracked the weather I made sure to pack winter hats, coats, gloves, blankets. Just in case….

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This while friends at home were enjoying the 70’s in December…..

But that’s ok. Because we can still enjoy this.

And then, funny, how did I not pick up on the fact that we booked at the same hotel, the same hotel we always stay in….as the republican presidential debate??

Instead of the regular huge Christmas tree, there was a CNN stage and tent structure set up outside that I would half heartedly tell my husband to go out and stand by so we could watch him on TV from inside the room. He didn’t do it.

And so on the night of the debate, a wintery, blustery, freezing night in Vegas….. we sat inside our room as the lobby beneath us swarmed with security, police, and the press. Then we watched most of the debate on CNN, as it went on below us.

We finally left in time to catch the Volcano show at the Mirage. The kids loved that last year, we were there in December then as well…. funny how much warmer it was. And funny that just a year ago the volcano show ran about every 30 minutes well into the night (we had the view from our hotel window), and now it only shows a couple times a night, three times on weekends.

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freezing…and waiting

We stood there, freezing….waiting….. with the crowd of other hopeful volcano watchers around us. We continued to freeze, and wait, until finally a red flashing light started at the top of the volcano, instead of the smoke and lava it was supposed to spew. It was broken.

Next night, it wasn’t quite so windy… we wanted to catch the Bellagio fountains at night, Jenna especially wanted to see it. So we trudged down the street, kids bundled and warm, us not quite so warm. Wow, it looked like the fountain was going off over and over, how often was it running?

Finally got there, no music, just the fountain blasting constantly. Seemed like they were testing it, maybe cleaning it, something. Kind of cool to see, but lacking the magic, the choreography, the emotion…. snapped some photos but left disappointed.

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Jenna commented that Vegas was broken.

It DID seem kind of broken!

Even trying to get a picture of all of us together, so accidentally easy last year…. didn’t come together quite so well this time.

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I guess sometimes you can’t escape the little trying moments that make life so….interesting at times.

I told my husband this is going to be one of those vacations that will be so much better after we get home… you know that kind?

Despite the weather, despite Vegas being broken…. things did still pull together by the end. We got dessert every night, celebrating Jenna’s 3rd birthday all week long as we counted down to the main event….

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It was adorable how the waiter wasn’t sure of how to spell Jenna… so he covered it really heavily in sprinkles 🙂

After two times of being disappointed in the broken Volcano, it finally got it’s act together….

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And on our last day in Vegas…. the wind stopped 🙂

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It’s ok Vegas…. we still love you.

 

A grand tradition

Sammy had another loose tooth. It’s been really hanging on for the last few days, despite the fact he could make it lie down in his mouth and we could see the tooth coming up under it. It just wouldn’t let go.

Yesterday it got to be a little much. He couldn’t chew anything because his top teeth kept hitting the loose one, and hurting him. I had to cut up everything for him, and still he didn’t want to chew. Got him a milkshake just for the calories.

Didn’t want to brush his teeth.

I half-heartedly tried to pull it out, but I know I choked at the last second and instead of pulling it, I just made it bleed.

I needed a professional.

Someone with impeccable references, who knows just the right way to handle a skittish kindergartner, still new to the tooth pulling game.

My dad.

The guy has decades of experience, and a box full of baby teeth to prove it.

He’s the one we went to when we couldn’t stand it anymore.

The great thing about it was, he was willing to pretend with you, like he was just going to wiggle it…. but we all knew what we wanted to happen.

There were 5 of us kids, so he had plenty of time to polish his skills. It went something like this…….

Someone would alert dad about the loose tooth. Usually the person suffering from it. It would be a dance back and forth, the kid wanting to show him, wanting him to ultimately pull it out, but afraid and so then backing up…. making him promise NOT to pull it out.

Ok…Ok  he’d say… I’ll just LOOK at it. Just wiggle it a little. He had to make sure it was ready, dad was never one to undertake the task prematurely.

He’d get the tissue, dry off the tooth, allow us to bob and weave away from the hand, talking softly and keeping calm so as not to spook us.

We’d work up to keeping our mouth open, letting him hold on to that tooth….and he’d place a steadying hand on a shoulder.

Probably with some internal countdown, 3….2….1….. YANK!  Suddenly, the hand is gone… the tooth……is gone!

And there would be dad, holding up the bloody tissue, with tooth nestled inside.

Of course, since we always pretended he wasn’t going to pull it, there was some excitement, jumping around, Oh my gosh, my tooth is out! Rinsing out with warm water, and proudly displaying the new space in our mouth.

It was such a relief.

So Sammy joined the ranks tonight. Stopped at dads for an emergency tooth pulling, he performed as brilliantly as always. Sammy came home and stuffed himself with snacks, grateful for the ability to chew without pain or care. Brushed teeth happily, went to bed smiling.

Another satisfied customer. toothaa

Beyond clean…

dirty

It’s funny how different people can define a concept in so many unique ways.

Take the concept of clean, for example. As in “A clean room”.

To my teen, this is a very loose concept, a fluid term, can’t be pinned down to any rigid standard…. certainly not by any standards of mine that might include Windex or a vacuum cleaner.

No…

His clean is so unstructured, so free…. free of the materialistic burden of bedspreads and dirty socks, free of the narrow-minded idea that toothpaste on the sink could ever be “unclean”. Indeed, the toothpaste is clean. The sink is clean. Together, they can only be MORE clean.

He must be evolving, my small mind tries to understand.

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I struggle with it.

I’m sure it’s my own fault. My faulty reasoning, that of an adult whose only remaining dream is to walk into his room without being disgusted.

I cracked today. Vacuumed up things that didn’t seem to belong on the floor by my antiquated reasoning. Toenails, fingernails, I don’t know what that other stuff is…..

Felt a small measure of peace, probably destroyed an ecosystem he was painstakingly trying to create.

Oh, I’m sure I will remain an embarrassment. Not enlightened enough to see beyond my superficial concept of clean. I hope he can forgive me one day, and learn to somehow live with my primitive addiction to Pine-sol and Clorox wipes.

….not so evolved……

 

 

Sick day benefits

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dreamstime.com

I’ve been sick for days and days…stabbing headache, sinus pressure, loads of mucous, dry/sore throat and general feelings of yuckiness.

I should have known what was coming….

Yesterday as I pulled up in the car line for Sammy to get in after school, I got a glimpse of him standing outside. Good lord, he looked like a zombie. Pasty faced and grimacing, he got into the car. “What is WRONG?”

“I don’t feel good…..” was his whispery, croaked response. And he promptly fell asleep within 10 seconds.

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So began our weekend. Highlights include a surprise puke appearance all over my comforter about 12am…. and puke returning for a cameo spot around 4am which I caught in the bucket with nary a drop spilled. YES!

He required carrying and babying….which I was happy to do. This morning he walked into the kitchen and gazed at me adoringly. Started telling me that he loves me so much, and thinks about me every day at school. He loves me even when I’m mean, and won’t let him play with his kindle. It has continued all day, all requests peppered with “please, thank you, I love you, I’m never going to stop loving you”.

He has a fever, but certainly not high enough for brain damage. I think this is just one of the nice little side effects of when this particular child gets sick… I’ll take it 🙂

 

 

 

 

Looking for gift ideas?

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gift for the husband. Ssshhhhhh, don’t tell.

 

Ok, I’m going to do you a favor because I know you are realizing how close it’s getting to Christmas…. and are probably panicking about what to get for everyone. Right?

I’m in a collage blanket phase. I think it’s my go-to gift this year. If you’re on my list, chances are you are getting one. Hope you’re cold.

I found this site. Collage.com. Check it out!!!

I love it so much that I am shamelessly promoting them completely on my own. I am getting nothing out of this but the love of sharing a great idea.

Here is how it works. They have a link for over 60% off a fleece blanket, with your photos of choice, and free shipping!  It’s $45 out the door (50×60 size). You can do AMAZING things guys!! Amazing things!

Click here…. Do it!!

Choose your blanket size, choose how fluffy you want it. Then go to town. Super easy to upload pictures, and picture quality is great. Amazingly great. I’ve ordered about a zillion. And every time I order an new one, it’s even better than the last one I made.

I got the first couple in the mail already, and I will tell you that I will probably win best gift-giver of the year award, hands down. I am going to make people cry, and it will be great.

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Awwww. Best brothers.

 

 

 

Our first Elf on a shelf

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He came in a box last month, courtesy of my mom. The kids opened it, and read the story, quickly naming our family elf “Moe”

They couldn’t wait for him to start “spying” on them, so we put him to work right away.

elf

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It became clear to me, very quickly…. the elf started too soon. There was no way I could keep this up for over 2 months, what was I thinking!?

So we sent Moe on a vacation to help Santa in the North Pole. While he’s gone, I need to figure out ways to up the game. I have ideas for this elf, thanks to the internet and especially Pinterest.

When Moe comes back, no more just sitting and watching. He’s going to be an active elf.

Candy Crazed

Shaving

These scout elves are rolling right into the holidays! #ElfReturnWeek | Elf on the Shelf Ideas:

These are just some ideas from Pinterest….and I need to come up with some more of my own. I was surprised by how excited the kids were about our elf, almost making me feel as though I’ve cheated them in years past by just watching them and threatening to tell Santa myself…. They must think the elf will be more of a pushover.

Stay tuned…

Return of the Tooth Fairy

tooth

So this happened today at school. See that gap at the bottom? Wasn’t there this morning.

We had him at the dentist about a month ago, she noticed that tooth was just a bit loose, not enough to think about. Over the past 2 weeks, he’s noticed it more and more.

At first, he wasn’t sure how he felt about it. We were in the grocery store, and he brings up how the loose tooth means he’s getting older. Which  leads him to thoughts of his mortality….asking me if this means he’s getting “old” now with a stricken look on his face…. I promised him at 5 years old he’s still pretty close to brand new, not close at all to getting old.

And then came the perpetual tongue wiggling, working at that loose tooth. The inability to chew food for some reason, because now all of the sudden he wants to eat like a beaver. I had to remind him he doesn’t chew in the front of his mouth so it really shouldn’t be a problem.

Brushing teeth has been fun, with him flinching and pulling away if I get near that tooth…

Yesterday night he showed me how the tooth comes all the way up in the back, but was pretty well anchored in the front. I figured we had some time left, and didn’t want to try pulling it and making him bleed or hurt. I was really saving that job for my dad, the family tooth-puller. No matter how many times it happened, he ALWAYS tricked me into “just letting him wiggle it”, which of course led to a quick bloody yank and me feeling tricked and somewhat relieved to have it over.

Today, I picked him up from school and I could see the gap as he walked to the car, smiling.

Oh No!!! I missed it! I wasn’t there for the first lost tooth!  Then I felt even more cheated when the teacher told me the tooth somehow went missing as they were walking outside. They did their best to look for it, showing me two jagged pieces of some enamel colored objects, possibly bits of stone or tooth they managed to find in the parking lot. It didn’t look like the tooth I remembered sitting is his mouth yesterday…. so I let her keep it.

He didn’t seem too upset. I didn’t tell him I still have teeth saved from the older kids, and now all I have from him are his first hair clippings. I am sad although future generations will be glad they have one less weird thing to throw out as they sort through my belongings posthumously.

But lets look on the bright side. The tooth fairy is coming back from her extended vacation, ready to surprise and delight with gifts of money and possibly little notes of encouragement in exchange for lost teeth. In this case, of lost, lost teeth… she’s willing to cut us a break.

toothfairy.org

toothfairy.org

Paris or bust

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I don’t like to ask for things for myself. Not for Christmas, not for birthdays. It always makes me feel guilty or presumptuous to tell someone I want something and expect them to get it for me.

You will realize then, what a strange and unusual thing it was for me to ask for something for my birthday this year. It wasn’t much really, just……Paris. I’ve expressed my love for the place before.  I miss the sights, the smells, the moon in the sky over the Champs de Elysee. It’s been sooooo long since we’ve been there, my memories have taken on a dreamlike quality, I need to know if it’s as magical as I believe it was. My birthday fell during our first trip to France years ago, early in our relationship. To me, celebrating again with him and our kids would be a beautiful way to show how far our relationship has progressed.

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A birthday to remember

A birthday to remember

I started my campaign early…. sometime last year. I wasn’t subtle about it, instead painting a picture of celebrating my 40th in front of the Eiffel tower with him and the kids. For me, the timeline to getting back to France was all about potty training…and I was gambling that Jenna would be done by now. Husband had different criteria, like the kids being older with more endurance for days of walking all over the city. He wants to be able to do all the things we did before they came along…..do I have the heart to tell him that it will NEVER be like that again? No….he can find it out on his own….

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Well, it didn’t happen. I didn’t win the argument, and he seems to think that celebrating 41, or even 42 would be just as special over there as my 40th. I would have liked to do a comparative study and test that theory but alas, it is not to be. C’est la vie…..

So, tonight we went to dinner with some family and friends. They have been making a huge effort to get us out expressly to celebrate my birthday and it has taken this long for it to work out. The longer time goes on, the more uncomfortable I get, feeling guilty that people feel the need to make this effort to celebrate for me at all.

Dinner was nice, the food and company both satisfying and smile-inducing.

Then came the cake….

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I could not believe anyone paid that much attention to my babblings about how much I liked Paris. It was really touching that someone went out of their way to give me a version of something they knew I wanted.

So in a way….I got what I was asking for. My family with me to celebrate my birthday near the Eiffel tower….

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And even better? They all thought I was just turning 39. 🙂