Paris or bust

Posted on November 8, 2015 by momsranting

I don’t like to ask for things for myself. Not for Christmas, not for birthdays. It always makes me feel guilty or presumptuous to tell someone I want something and expect them to get it for me.

You will realize then, what a strange and unusual thing it was for me to ask for something for my birthday this year. It wasn’t much really, just……Paris. I’ve expressed my love for the place before. I miss the sights, the smells, the moon in the sky over the Champs de Elysee. It’s been sooooo long since we’ve been there, my memories have taken on a dreamlike quality, I need to know if it’s as magical as I believe it was. My birthday fell during our first trip to France years ago, early in our relationship. To me, celebrating again with him and our kids would be a beautiful way to show how far our relationship has progressed.

A birthday to remember

I started my campaign early…. sometime last year. I wasn’t subtle about it, instead painting a picture of celebrating my 40th in front of the Eiffel tower with him and the kids. For me, the timeline to getting back to France was all about potty training…and I was gambling that Jenna would be done by now. Husband had different criteria, like the kids being older with more endurance for days of walking all over the city. He wants to be able to do all the things we did before they came along…..do I have the heart to tell him that it will NEVER be like that again? No….he can find it out on his own….

Well, it didn’t happen. I didn’t win the argument, and he seems to think that celebrating 41, or even 42 would be just as special over there as my 40th. I would have liked to do a comparative study and test that theory but alas, it is not to be. C’est la vie…..

So, tonight we went to dinner with some family and friends. They have been making a huge effort to get us out expressly to celebrate my birthday and it has taken this long for it to work out. The longer time goes on, the more uncomfortable I get, feeling guilty that people feel the need to make this effort to celebrate for me at all.

Dinner was nice, the food and company both satisfying and smile-inducing.

Then came the cake….

I could not believe anyone paid that much attention to my babblings about how much I liked Paris. It was really touching that someone went out of their way to give me a version of something they knew I wanted.

So in a way….I got what I was asking for. My family with me to celebrate my birthday near the Eiffel tower….

And even better? They all thought I was just turning 39. 🙂

The great escape

Posted on November 5, 2015 by momsranting

Conclusion of the Roommate Saga…..

So the daughter had been waiting, and waiting to get assigned to a new room at college. In the meantime, the relationship between her and the roommate deteriorates. No longer speaking much, avoiding each other…. and my kid still hasn’t figured out how to stand up for herself.

Last straw for me, hearing about the most recent passive aggressive dispute over printer ink and Ramen noodles. It’s time to move out! Rachel finally, FINALLY responded to a bitchy comment in a semi-bitchy way (over text), and was then trying to figure out how to avoid the girl indefinitely as it is impossible for her to participate in a conflict in person.

The straw that broke the camels back……

She has a friend with a room available to share. Both girls have submitted their request to housing to live with each other. It seems like weeks have gone by, probably because they have…. and still no word. She calls housing again to find out that “the person who makes those decisions is gone until the middle of next week”.

So I made a decision last night. I’ve listened to this long enough. It’s killing me that she isn’t at least standing up for herself. She is allowing someone to literally bully her for NOT sleeping around and getting wasted regularly. She is giving someone power over her feelings and thoughts, someone who continues to make bad and self destructive choices herself.

I called housing this morning.

I didn’t rant or rave. I did say that I found it hard to believe no one else could authorize a room change for yet another week, forcing my daughter to live in conditions I wasn’t comfortable with. Seems like SOMEONE could give a quick OK.

It was that easy. Within hours they had called my daughter and her friend and given the ok to move her things.

So she escaped.

Yes, I do feel like I caved, but I also think it’s ok. She’s still a kid, only 18. Geez, I didn’t learn how to channel my inner bitchiness until well into my 20’s…. she’ll get there. 😉

Homework is painful for everyone

Posted on November 2, 2015 by momsranting

This is a big fat lie. Or they are drugged.

A lesson in 5 year old comprehension.

Believe it or not, Sammy has homework in Kindergarten. Things have sure changed since I was in school…..

Tonight he had to read 3 paragraphs, and then follow the very specific directions afterwards to test his comprehension.

First story was about a kid who likes going to the park. That was the first sentence, “I like going to the park.” This was followed by the things that he could do (swing and slide), and the things he had trouble doing (monkey bars). He asked his parents to take him to the park…..they are taking him on Saturday.

I know this, because it’s burned into my brain. I will never forget that he likes the park, and the slide, and the swing, and the monkey bars. I know he is going on Saturday. I will carry that knowledge with me forever.

Sammy stumbles through the paragraph. He is only 5…. I still have to help with some words. Invariably, by the time he is finished, much of what he has read is lost. I guess that’s the point of this exercise, to help with retention and comprehension.

First question to answer after the reading: “Where does the boy like to go?”

Sammy ponders….. “The playground!”

No. There is no playground. Now that you know the question, start reading again and see if you can find the answer.

Guys. He literally read that paragraph 3 times. And came up with 3 different answers… none of which were “the park”.

And this is how I know for sure, without a doubt…. I was not cut out for teaching.

I would not give him the answer…. but I was dying, at first inside…but my suffering did spill out for everyone to see. It went on, we had to circle things with a red crayon, underline with a blue crayon, box things with a purple crayon. So many steps, so difficult for me to hold back from just TELLING him what to do.

We got through it. I really think we both need points for this one.

reality.

DO NOT CALL

Posted on October 24, 2015 by momsranting

Everything’s A-OK here…..

I was in the process of sleeping in this morning. I was dreaming. Braiding hair and something about a college cafeteria….and a funeral….. suddenly interrupted.

BRII-IIING, BRI-IIIING!!!!!

I leap out of bed, assuming it’s a fax, already cursing it’s sender.

It’s not a fax. I answer the call from a local number that I don’t recognize. A woman, very awake and businesslike asks for me. Assuming it’s still somehow work related, and frantically trying to assure myself that it’s Saturday, I acknowledge that it’s me.

Then…a fast worded spiel starts…. I hear the words breast cancer research….fund raiser….. and it’s impossible for me to interrupt. It’s a RECORDING!! I press some random buttons, the call stops. I hang up.

It’s 8:14am

Normally, I’m up for hours by now. But not on Saturday. Saturday it’s my goal to stay IN BED and wake up on my own, or more frequently by one of the kids wanting to go downstairs and start the day. For some reason, everyone was still sleeping, so this was a golden morning. I would have been happy to realize that when I woke up later…but that dream was stolen from me.

Impotent with rage.

I can’t even unload my anger onto the shoulders of the person calling me, Daring to call that early on a weekend…because they’ve been so abused by people like me….normal people…. that they’ve turned to recorded messages that sound like they aren’t recordings. Until you try to interrupt.

No satisfaction of at least ruining someone else’s morning anymore.

I sound mean, right? But it’s a pavlovian response. We barely use the home phone. So when it rings, I know it’s usually a crap call… the sound brings on anger and frustration even before I look at the caller ID.

I checked out the guidelines today about telemarketing calling hours.

http://www.consumer.ftc.gov/articles/0198-telemarketing-sales-rule

Calls are ok between 8am and 9pm, no mention of a break on weekends. And, even with my number on the do not call list, I can and will still receive calls from charities, political organizations, and surveys. Oh, and any organization I’ve had a relationship with can call for 18 months after my last purchase or delivery, even if I’m on the list. Any company I make a credit inquiry with…can call for 3 months.

Really frustrating to know this. Last presidential election, we were harassed with phone calls and recordings to the point that I swore to people I wouldn’t vote for their candidate because their incessant calls drove me to hate them.

I hate it. HATE IT.

One exception.

There is this cute sounding little lady who calls….for Purple Hearts. When she calls, the rage disappears, and I am ever so polite as she arranges for me to leave bags of clothes and household items at the front door. I just can’t be mean to her, maybe because she’s a real human.

Bottom line… my time at home is mine. I don’t like it wasted or interrupted. If I want to donate my money, or blood, or vote…I will figure out how to do it. Don’t call me. I hate you.

Proof of her love

Posted on October 18, 2015 by momsranting

Fall weather in Ohio is really tricky…… getting the weather to cooperate for all the pumpkin festivals and hayrides can be a challenge.

Take this past Friday. We really wanted to check out Mapleside Farms during the fall festivities. The kids play area, the huge jumping thing, the apple fritters, donuts, and other artery clogging delights. But most of all, I wanted to go down the slide. It looked so fun! A super long, multi-lane slide that you can race your friends down as you sit on your burlap sack. I fantasized about the awesome family pictures I would take as we laughed and zoomed down.

Friday came and it was cold, but DRY. I had winter coats, hats, gloves. I had cash for donuts. I was ready.

My sister, my awesome sister met us there.

As I drove and parked, I marveled at how sunny it was. We walked in, saw the crowd of people lined up for the slide… Sammy was not ready to wait in line, he wanted to head to the playground first.

Ok, fine…we have plenty of time for the slide.

As the kids are playing, I see my sister walking in. Perfect timing!

And then it starts raining.

A drizzle turned into something more…. we had to hide inside the apple store to wait it out.

Afterwards, it was a lot colder outside, and a lot darker. The sun wasn’t coming back. We ate a little something, as I bitched about wasting almost $50 just to get wristbands, only to be rained out within 15 minutes.

We decided we at least had to do the slide before going home.

Well, look… no line! Seemed like the perfect time for us to go after all. Once we got closer, I realized how long it was…. We also realized why no one else was in line. It was pretty wet. The guys handing out burlap sacks to sit on were blunt about it.

“You’re going to get wet”.

My optimistic sister seems to think the bags will soak up the water. They shake their heads at her. “Oh no, there’s way too much water on that slide. Your GONNA get wet.”

I look down at my pants, and notice that even with the sun not shining, we have plenty of daylight left. I don’t feel like walking around looking like I peed myself. I’m ready to turn around.

The kids by this time wanted to go down the slide, but I was really ok with disappointing them to avoid a cold, soggy butt.

My sister jumps in and offers to slide in my place. No hesitation. I know she hasn’t been drinking, she came right from work. She must be in her right mind.

Ok. Knock yourself out!

So she takes them to the top. Settles Jenna on her lap, and Sammy next to her. His coat was actually long enough to sit on to keep his own bottom dry. I take video and pictures as they slide down, laughing just like I imagined.

Of course she got wet. But she took them two more times, with nary a complaint about it. I love my sister, braving the cold, the crowds, and the questioning looks from strangers as she proudly walked around after their trip down the slide. She risked damage to her pride, and the potential for awkward chafing to show my kids a good time.

Thanks little sister!!

Mom failure

Posted on October 13, 2015 by momsranting

inc.com

Sometimes things happen that remind me of my lack of perfection as a mom.

I know it may come as a surprise, but I have been known to make mistakes. Just ask my 14 year old.

And even more surprising, sometimes things happen that force me to remember that even my kids aren’t perfect.

Such is the week I’ve had.

One example…. I just had a birthday. My 40th. It’s one of those milestone birthdays, if you’re into paying attention to that sort of thing.

I found a post from my oldest on my Facebook page.

Happiest of birthdays to my beautiful momma!!! I really don’t know what I would do without you, you’ve been my best friend for 18 years (except from ages 11-12 when I was a total psychopath; sorry about that).. there’s no one else I would rather tickle until they collapse and cry, or lip sync Sky Full of Stars to until I give myself whiplash..thanks for being the best mom out there and I hope you have an amazingly wonderfully awesome-sauce day ❤❤❤❤❤

And so, there I was. Feeling pretty smug about the whole parenting thing. But how could I not??! Here was proof of my success! She’s 18, a legal adult…. so I succeeded!! I raised her to adulthood and she still loves me!!

Pretty great present.

And then….. later…. a text from the 14 year old.

I won’t show the text, as he would likely kill me for that…. but the gist of it was that he decided I was extremely selfish for going to a “random” kids birthday party and then off to babysit my nephew, because he had come home after football, and made time for me at that moment and I wasn’t there waiting for him. And I could find my present in the trash if I wanted to look for it.

Needless to say, a complete downward shift to the day….resulting in a lot of angry texting, and the realization that I am not a perfect mother…. not because I did anything wrong (I absolutely did not)… but because if I was truly a perfect mother, wouldn’t all of my kids always think so?

Oh… he’s going through the hormonal shift, and still sometimes seems to be dealing with some anger issues stemming from my divorce from his father. I know we love each other, and pray that one day he will be a bit more rational….but it’s still not easy to deal with.

And then… then, the icing on the cake!!

At the “random” birthday party for his classmate, a very precocious girl led Sammy away from the pack of children and proceeded to moon him. A couple parents saw this, it was over by the time I got to where he was. They said he didn’t seem too impressed, and walked away. I did find his little sister doing her best to pull her pants down though, and assumed she had to potty…..

Once I found out what happened, I talked to Sammy and told him if anyone does that he needs to walk away from them, and tell them it’s not nice. I really thought we were clear about this.

A couple days later, I was at the park with my two little ones, and a couple friends with their kids.

Two of the boys ran over, yelling “Sammy pulled his pants down!!”

What??!! Not my perfect boy! Surely, SURELY…he had mulch in his pants, or a bee……

I find him.

He looks guilty.

“did you pull your pants down?”

He did.

” Do you know why?”

He didn’t.

He did finally point out that he didn’t pull down his underwear, but clearly wasn’t ready for the repercussions beyond the initial shock value of his action. Seems the whole pants-dropping thing had made an impact on him after all. Clearly we had more to discuss….

He sulked in a tire swing the rest of the time, as the other parents laughed and told stories of things their own kids had done in the past.

So lessons this week for me in humility, patience, and proof that none of us are perfect.

But perfectly flawed maybe?

Shoe crisis Monday

Posted on September 28, 2015 by momsranting

Monday is the day the week starts back up, and Sammy has to wake up hellishly early so I can drive him several cities away to school.

He is not a morning person. Especially on Monday.

After a brisk sternal rub with no results, I awkwardly try to drag him out of bed to a standing position. This might be why my shoulder hurts all the time……

So at least he’s standing, and then it’s the painful process of getting him through all the little morning hurdles like peeing. brushing his teeth. getting dressed. Any of these can take him a good 20 minutes, as he will just stand there like a zombie until I repeatedly prod him into action. Sometimes his face crumples, about to cry…. but so far I’ve been able to stave it off with threats of losing the kindle.

He perks up finally, right before we leave.

I drop him off, zoom off to work, and I am back to pick him up.

Remember. Mondays suck.

He has a pained look on his face when he gets in the car.

Starts to tell me how this boy has these amazing shoes that are faster than HIS shoes, and now this boy is faster than him and Sammy NEEDS these shoes.

He knows this because the boy told him this, so without a doubt the kid must be faster and Sammy’s heart is broken.

I tried to reason with him, which was a really stupid idea anyway.

“Did you see him run? Did you guys actually have a race? Have you EVER seen him run??”

No.

But he SAID his shoes could go “100 speed”. So obviously that’s faster than Sammy’s shoes.

And the crying started.

He cried all the way home. I felt bad because part of me was laughing about how ridiculous this was. I also felt really annoyed and didn’t want to really deal with this right now, having had the worst sinus headache for 2 days and the crying wasn’t helping.

And here I am still trying to reason with him. Telling him shoes don’t make you fast, it’s your body that makes you fast… and this boy and Sammy could wear any shoes and race and it wouldn’t matter what shoes they had on. And of course trying to feed his ego and tell him that kid was probably just trying to make you think he was faster because he KNOWS your faster, and he’s probably just jealous.

Crying. Garbled bits of yelling about how he KNOWS that boy is faster…. it’s all about the shoes mom!!! Crying without any sign of stopping, varying degrees of shrill and loud. My head is pounding. Good lord, I can’t find my compassion.

This is happening because it’s Monday.

Finally, Finally… we cut to the chase.

“Sammy, I’m not going to buy you shoes because some boy has them and you think they’ll make you faster than him. BUT… if you really liked how they looked, and want a pair like them I will try to find them. Just so you know they aren’t magic or anything.”

So I get the description. They are grey. And blue. And they must be skechers. I ask how he knows they are skechers… because they are cool, and all cool shoes are skechers. Right.

And we get on Amazon at home, to just take a look. And he picks out these:

Skechers Kids 95683L Go Run Ride 3 Nite Owl Running Shoe ,Green,12 M US Little Kid

I am pretty sure these are not the same shoes. But I think they probably go like, 200 speed.

Creative punishment pays off

Posted on September 19, 2015 by momsranting

It’s 1am on a Friday night, well, a Saturday morning….. I’ve been organizing my filing cabinet for hours. Throwing away what feels like parts of my life, and reminiscing on years past….

I forgot how wonderfully creative I used to get with punishment. I have essays, written by the older kids as punishment for a particular insult. I’ve really been enjoying these, as well as numerous notes and letters the kids have written me, sometimes in love, sometimes not. I will never throw these away. In fact, I’m going to share one of my favorites.

Apparently, an essay on the importance of listening to your parents, written with all the awesome passive-aggressive sarcasm a preteen can muster. A work of art, really.

“I think it is important to listen to your parents because you and your parents would get along better. Also, because you would not get in trouble often. Also because the parents are the adults and they can treat kids any way they want, which gives kids the impression that, that is why people abuse their kids. It is good to listen to your parents because they might actually give an effort to listen to you when you try to say something because you have their attention when you do something good. Also when you listen to your parents you get rewarded like a dog that did a good trick. It is also good to listen to your parents because you don’t get in trouble and you always want to keep your parents happy. It is bad not to listen to your parents because you have to write an “I’m sorry report” (like me). You will get yelled at uncontrollably (like me). and occasionally or all the time you feel like you hate your parents and you want to run away, and that your friends are better with helping you with your problems because they don’t take anything you say the wrong way and they feel sorry for you and they don’t mock you by saying “Oh, poor Rachel!” And that is why it is important to listen to your parents, all the good parts about listening, and all the bad parts about not listening.”

At the time, she was kind enough to leave room for me to write a letter grade as well as a percentage grade at the top…. I never did it, and the space has remained blank all these years later.

A+++ Rachel, it’s perfect.

I can’t wait to share your essay about the downfall of spitting in the kitchen sink…..

A rocky start….

Posted on September 10, 2015 by momsranting

A person may not even like the taste of white jelly beans….but when you tell them not to eat them, they become the most desirable thing ever.

This is my issue right, except insert “onion rings from burger king” instead of “white jelly beans”. And I do like the taste of them, both onion rings AND white jelly beans.

You know how I kind of made that big promise to myself, to try really really hard to eat better and work out more? Well, I’m getting ready to work out now-I will probably run out of time to actually get to it because of my procrastinating, but I am at least dressed for it, so we’ll see how it goes.

I also said, NO more onion rings!!

I don’t eat them every day. Probably has been about once a week though, and that is far too much. So no, I will not eat them anymore.

Except, I am craving them. Craving them because I can’t have them….. and it’s not helping that I drove past THREE Burger Kings today. Three!!!

I was so proud yesterday, I drove by them as I munched on grapes and carrot sticks. Today, I sulked in my car past the first one. Then the second one. Then I had a problem.

I was finished with work, but had about 30 minutes to kill before picking up my son from school. Not enough time to go home and drop off the babysitter, but plenty of time to swing in for some deep fried, delicious onion rings. I was really desperate because I know I lack willpower. I had to do something to avoid driving past the last burger king too soon, or I knew I’d give into temptation.

I stopped at Super K-mart instead. Wandered the aisles, buying underwear for the kids, bleach and Clorox wipes for me, and a box of Keebler JUMBO fudge sticks, for no good reason. I spent $80 to avoid spending $3.00 on onion rings. Then, I still almost gave in, I had ten minutes left, plenty of time for hot grease!!

God was kind enough to put a big Semi in my path, directly in front of the burger king. I thanked him, and made it to school without succumbing.

Then, as I sat in the car line for 25 minutes, waiting for my son…. I ate two Jumbo fudge sticks. 160 calories each. I could have eaten more.

Baby steps.

The girl I wanna be

Posted on September 8, 2015 by momsranting

I ran into her today, after taking Jenna to the splash pad this afternoon.

HER….being a woman near my age (I think), who looks completely AMAZING. Couple that with a winning personality, and smarts, it’s a no brainer. She ran a 5 mile race on her birthday this week, and came in FIRST. Who wouldn’t want to be her??

Now, I don’t mean this literally, I really enjoy myself and my life. I wouldn’t want to switch all that stuff. BUT… her arms. Her arms are perfect. I stared at them as we chatted for a second or two. And I envied them.

She is dedicated to working out, she runs…for like, miles. She tries to get enough sleep and adjusts her diet to allow her to reach her goals with her running.

And here I am….just snuck two bites of Jenna’s superman ice cream, and WOULD have ordered a hot fudge sundae of my own if the lady hadn’t rushed me at the counter….. addicted to stupid burger king onion rings…..

I’m pretty sure she looks like this when she races….
theathleticbuild.com

I imagine I look like this next to her…..
istockphoto.com

I told her I was just getting back into working out. This is true….again. I’m ALWAYS just getting back into working out, I haven’t actually made it a habit for years… so the three days a week I am doing? I didn’t tell her that at least one of those is just a 10 minute superfast CD so I can “say” I worked out that day. And probably clenching my butt cheeks when I walk outside with the kids isn’t good enough. Dammit.

So I look at her, and admire her, and think…..I would love to look like her. And what will I do about it?

Perhaps because I’m turning 40 in a few short weeks…. suddenly the knowledge that I COULD look great if I wanted to isn’t cutting it. Suddenly, the excuse of having 4 kids isn’t enough…. genetics have been very nice to me, but maybe it’s time for me to help out a bit more.

By the way, getting back to this girl, it is impossible to hate her for her perfection. She’s too nice!! She offered to run with me when I mentioned that I might like to start. I think she was serious.

I honestly told her I would need to do some work alone, I had to look better first…before I could subject myself to that. I want to sit her down and find out what she does, besides running…what’s her super-effective workout secret??

So today I made myself a promise. Kind of. I told myself I would try really hard to avoid onion rings and eat more carrots and fruit. I am going to pack a lunch instead letting myself starve until only fried grease will satisfy me. Edamame!!!! I will eat more of it!! I will FORCE myself to start working out at least every other day…. probably I will start this tomorrow….

And I will still clench my butt cheeks when I walk, because I think it’s not hurting anything.

momsranting

My place to talk about my family, my life, and maybe some other stuff too

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