Author Archives: momsranting

Mom failure

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inc.com

inc.com

Sometimes things happen that remind me of my lack of perfection as a mom.

I know it may come as a surprise, but I have been known to make mistakes. Just ask my 14 year old.

And even more surprising, sometimes things happen that force me to remember that even my kids aren’t perfect.

Such is the week I’ve had.

One  example…. I just had a birthday. My 40th. It’s one of those milestone birthdays, if you’re into paying attention to that sort of thing.

I found a post from my oldest on my Facebook page.

Happiest of birthdays to my beautiful momma!!! I really don’t know what I would do without you, you’ve been my best friend for 18 years (except from ages 11-12 when I was a total psychopath; sorry about that).. there’s no one else I would rather tickle until they collapse and cry, or lip sync Sky Full of Stars to until I give myself whiplash..thanks for being the best mom out there and I hope you have an amazingly wonderfully awesome-sauce day ❤❤❤❤❤

Rachel May's photo.
And so, there I was. Feeling pretty smug about the whole parenting thing. But how could I not??!  Here was proof of my success! She’s 18, a legal adult…. so I succeeded!!  I raised her to adulthood and she still loves me!!
Pretty great present.
And then….. later…. a text from the 14 year old.
I won’t show the text, as he would likely kill me for that…. but the gist of it was that he decided I was extremely selfish for going to a “random” kids birthday party and then off to babysit my nephew, because he had come home after football, and made time for me at that moment and I wasn’t there waiting for him. And I could find my present in the trash if I wanted to look for it.
Needless to say, a complete downward shift to the day….resulting in a lot of angry texting, and the realization that I am not a perfect mother…. not because I did anything wrong (I absolutely did not)… but because if I was truly a perfect mother, wouldn’t all of my kids always think so?
Oh… he’s going through the hormonal shift, and still sometimes seems to be dealing with some anger issues stemming from my divorce from his father. I know we love each other, and pray that one day he will be a bit more rational….but it’s still not easy to deal with.
And then… then, the icing on the cake!!
At the “random” birthday party for his classmate, a very precocious girl led Sammy away from the pack of children and proceeded to moon him. A couple parents saw this, it was over by the time I got to where he was. They said he didn’t seem  too impressed, and walked away.  I did find his little sister doing her best to pull her pants down though, and assumed she had to potty…..
Once I found out what happened, I talked to Sammy and told him if anyone does that he needs to walk away from them, and tell them it’s not nice. I really thought we were clear about this.
A couple days later, I was at the park with my two little ones, and a couple friends with their kids.
Two of the boys ran over, yelling “Sammy pulled his pants down!!”
What??!!  Not my perfect boy!  Surely, SURELY…he had mulch in his pants, or a bee……
I find him.
He looks guilty.
“did you pull your pants down?”
He did.
” Do you know why?”
He didn’t.
He did finally point out that he didn’t pull down his underwear, but clearly wasn’t ready for the repercussions beyond the initial shock value of his action. Seems the whole pants-dropping thing had made an impact on him after all. Clearly we had more to discuss….
He sulked in a tire swing the rest of the time, as the other parents laughed and told stories of things their own kids had done in the past.
So lessons this week for me in humility, patience, and proof that none of us are perfect.
But perfectly flawed maybe?

Roommate saga continued…..

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So the daughter has settled into the nightmare of her roommate situation. I get the update during major upsets like when the girl somehow uses my daughters uber account at 1am to get rides from bar to bar, and the drivers are calling my kid and waking her up to let her know they are there. How did she get that account info? No idea.

I hear about the variety of used condoms that this girl keeps on her desk for some reason…..for days at a time. Uck. In bright and very festive colors, and her habit of using my daughters things and then leaving them dirty and on my daughters desk for her to clean up.

Normal roommate problems like lack of privacy, lack of cleanliness….. and other things like bringing alcohol and drugs into the room. All sorts of annoying things in between.

I have talked and talked to her, tried to get her to SAY SOMETHING to this girl….. along the lines of, “Hey, I don’t like this….”, or “No, it’s not ok for you to bring another nameless guy over and expect me to find somewhere else to sleep again”. But, in her fear of causing conflict, she remains silent.

So instead of discussing this, and finding out if this girl is just completely blind to what havoc she’s creating, or really the selfish groupie she appears to be, Rachel just decided to request a room change.

Her plan is to get a new room assignment, and then maybe tell the girl as she’s moving out… or maybe just move out secretly and not tell her at all.

I think this is not the best idea.

I have given all the unsolicited advice I can think of. At LEAST give this girl the opportunity to respond to your complaints. See if there is a way to work things out. You never know if your next situation will be better or worse.

She seems to think she knows this girls personality well enough by now….and that anything she says will end up making things worse.

Maybe she’s right. She is living with her, knows her better than I do. From what I’ve heard, I do think living together would always suck…but maybe it could suck less…..

It’s hard watching this, knowing I can’t fix it for her.

Old enough for a mammogram

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Man on top of mountain.

It’s that time of year again….. time for me to take a look at where I’m standing on this hill.

Oh, look….. I’m at the top!!

What really brought it home for me was a conversation I had with my friend today. She’s a year older than me. Somehow she mentions the word “mammogram”. As in, she hasn’t had one yet and hey, why don’t we do it at the same time to kind of force each other to get it done….then go eat lunch or something.

Blink.

Mammogram???  You must be thinking of someone else. I’m still in my 30’s.

Talk to me in 10 days.

Shoe crisis Monday

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mon

Monday is the day the week starts back up, and Sammy has to wake up hellishly early so I can drive him several cities away to school.

He is not a morning person. Especially on Monday.

After a brisk sternal rub with no results, I awkwardly try to drag him out of bed to a standing position. This might be why my shoulder hurts all the time……

So at least he’s standing, and then it’s the painful process of getting him through all the little morning hurdles like peeing. brushing his teeth. getting dressed. Any of these can take him a good 20 minutes, as he will just stand there like a zombie until I repeatedly prod him into action. Sometimes his face crumples, about to cry…. but so far I’ve been able to stave it off with threats of losing the kindle.

He perks up finally, right before we leave.

I drop him off, zoom off to work, and I am back to pick him up.

Remember. Mondays suck.

He has a pained look on his face when he gets in the car.

Starts to tell me how this boy has these amazing shoes that are faster than HIS shoes, and now this boy is faster than him and Sammy NEEDS these shoes.

He knows this because the boy told him this, so without a doubt the kid must be faster and Sammy’s heart is broken.

I tried to reason with him, which was a really stupid idea anyway.

“Did you see him run? Did you guys actually have a race? Have you EVER seen him run??”

No.

But he SAID his shoes could go “100 speed”. So obviously that’s faster than Sammy’s shoes.

And the crying started.

He cried all the way home. I felt bad because part of me was laughing about how ridiculous this was. I also felt really annoyed and didn’t want to really deal with this right now, having had the worst sinus headache for 2 days and the crying wasn’t helping.

And here I am still trying to reason with him. Telling him shoes don’t make you fast, it’s your body that makes you fast… and this boy and Sammy could wear any shoes and race and it wouldn’t matter what shoes they had on. And of course trying to feed his ego and tell him that kid was probably just trying to make you think he was faster because he KNOWS your faster, and he’s probably just jealous.

Crying. Garbled bits of yelling about how he KNOWS that boy is faster…. it’s all about the shoes mom!!! Crying without any sign of stopping, varying degrees of shrill and loud. My head is pounding. Good lord, I can’t find my compassion.

This is happening because it’s Monday.

Finally, Finally… we cut to the chase.

“Sammy, I’m not going to buy you shoes because some boy has them and you think they’ll make you faster than him. BUT… if you really liked how they looked, and want a pair like them I will try to find them. Just so you know they aren’t magic or anything.”

So I get the description. They are grey. And blue. And they must be skechers. I ask how he knows they are skechers… because they are cool, and all cool shoes are skechers. Right.

And we get on Amazon at home, to just take a look. And he picks out these:

Skechers Kids 95683L Go Run Ride 3 Nite Owl Running Shoe ,Green,12 M US Little Kid

I am pretty sure these are not the same shoes. But I think they probably go like, 200 speed.

The power of a Friday nap

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napaa1

Summertime was great, wasn’t it?

No school, no waking up at 6-ish to drive everyone everywhere.

And naps.

The kids napped for sure on Fridays, because they’d stay up super late Friday nights. It was (still is) movie night, popcorn night, and spend time with daddy night, since he usually isn’t home until their bedtime on most nights.

I miss those naps. I miss sleeping in on Fridays because I didn’t have to work, and the kids didn’t have school….and we could be lazy until like 8:30am!

I loved summer time naps. I’d get the kids settled in my bed, sitting next to them with my trusty Kindle. On the perfect day, windows would be open, and a slight breeze might blow in now and then.  Sometimes I’d sneak out when they fell asleep, and do important grown up stuff like laundry, dishes, washing floors.

Other days, I would sit there with them and read until they woke up. Savoring the quiet, lazy feeling of just sitting still. It’s not done a whole lot around here.

So guess what happened today?

Slept through the alarm, woke up after 7am. Panicked a minute. Decided to take a mental health day. Kept the kindergartener home (don’t judge me). Spent the morning playing with our baby cousin, then drove home.

Both kids fell asleep in the car.

I carried them upstairs one at a time. (Very difficult)

And now… here I sit, in the glorious quiet of a perfect Friday afternoon.

now

now

then

then

The beer bottle mystery

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beer beer1

Today, my husband noticed a pile of beer bottles in the back of our yard, at the fence line. They weren’t there yesterday.

As we looked out from the kitchen window, scenarios of how those bottles got there started to populate in my head.

Is someone casing the house? Sitting outside in the dark, boozing it up as they wait for us to go to sleep upstairs??

Random teenagers or homeless vagrants looking for an obscure place to party?

Is the raccoon a drunk?

drunk raccoon

collegehumor.com

So, I decide to take a look at the scene. Check it out for trampled vegetation, signs of someone sitting out there. Didn’t really look like it, but I did find several different brands of beer. More than 1 person maybe??

I gingerly pick up the bottles and put them in a bag to throw away, glance down at the other end of the yard, and see another pile of bottles and cans.

Now I’m remembering earlier this summer, cleaning up beer bottles back here….and wondering where they had come from then. At the time, I just thought it was a random occurrence.

I decide not to touch the other pile of bottles, you know, because it’s “evidence”. I call the police to just let them know about it. My plan is to go to the neighbors and the people behind us and ask if they’ve had any parties, or do they drink this kind of beer….do they know anything about how these bottles got in my yard? I’m still kind of worried about some random vagrant sitting back here, drinking and plotting a break in. I’m the one who stays up until 12 or 1am most nights, here in the kitchen, surrounded by windows. I hate the thought of being watched.

The police actually want to come out and see. So glad I didn’t touch the other pile of bottles now….

The officer takes a look outside with my husband. They found more bottles too…. so probably about 14 or so in total. Brands I’ve heard of, and others I haven’t….. fat tire beer???

The officer thinks its the house behind us, he’s pretty convinced. I don’t know who lives there. He takes a ride over there, and comes back soon. No one was home, but a neighbor was out, and told the officer there is a high school student living there who has a lot of friends over pretty often.

Seems the neighbor and the cop think that’s the answer.

High school boy? Friends over? ding-ding-ding!!!

I am relieved… that is much more appealing than a homeless vagrant, leering at me from the dark.

But…. what a dumbass. I don’t want to judge this kid yet, and I may never know the answer….. but if it IS him, it would make sense if he and his buddies each grabbed some beer from their houses and convened in his yard to drink it…. why there are so many different kinds….

Throwing it over the fence right behind you doesn’t make it go away, idiot.

So then, the question would be: Is this kid that stupid? Or is he just that much of an ass, to not care what he does to another persons property?

I was going to leave the bottles, just in case it turns out to be the kid and his buddies. If I were his mom, I’d make him go pick them up and apologize. Then I realized that his parents might just as easily get angry and never believe for a minute their son could do something like that….. so I picked them up. But I didn’t throw the bag away yet. In case they want some evidence or something……

And now I’m buying motion lights on Amazon to light up my yard like the Griswold’s Christmas if anything comes near the fence line…… be it dirty vagrant, or sneaky high school kid….. or drunk and stumbling raccoon.

beer3

Creative punishment pays off

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It’s 1am on a Friday night, well, a Saturday morning….. I’ve been organizing my filing cabinet for hours. Throwing away what feels like parts of my life, and reminiscing on years past….

I forgot how wonderfully creative I used to get with punishment. I have essays, written by the older kids as punishment for a particular insult. I’ve really been enjoying these, as well as numerous notes and letters the kids have written me, sometimes in love, sometimes not. I will never throw these away. In fact, I’m going to share one of my favorites.

Apparently, an essay on the importance of listening to your parents, written with all the awesome passive-aggressive sarcasm a preteen can muster. A work of art, really.

“I think it is important to listen to your parents because you and your parents would get along better. Also, because you would not get in trouble often. Also because the parents are the adults and they can treat kids any way they want, which gives kids the impression that, that is why people abuse their kids. It is good to listen to your parents because they might actually give an effort to listen to you when you try to say something because you have their attention when you do something good. Also when you listen to your parents you get rewarded like a dog that did a good trick. It is also good to listen to your parents because you don’t get in trouble and you always want to keep your parents happy. It is bad not to listen to your parents because you have to write an “I’m sorry report” (like me). You will get yelled at uncontrollably (like me). and occasionally or all the time you feel like you hate your parents and you want to run away, and that your friends are better with helping you with your problems because they don’t take anything you say the wrong way and they feel sorry for you and they don’t mock you by saying “Oh, poor Rachel!” And that is why it is important to listen to your parents, all the good parts about listening, and all the bad parts about not listening.”

At the time, she was kind enough to leave room for me to write a letter grade as well as a percentage grade at the top…. I never did it, and the space has remained blank all these years later.

A+++ Rachel, it’s perfect.

I can’t wait to share your essay about the downfall of spitting in the kitchen sink…..

The full college experience

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sickchirpse.com

sickchirpse.com

So I learned what “molly” is the other day.

The key to learning a new definition, I believe, is to hear it used in a sentence first….to put it into the proper perspective.

Such as:

“MOM…. the guy just snorted molly off  my desk”

Right away I think “This probably isn’t something good… is that cocaine? Is that what they’re calling cocaine now?”

horrified.

No. I’m quick to learn it’s not. It’s ecstasy, everyone seems to already know this but me.

And how did this happen?

The roommate, along with several friends who had already been busted for drinking in someone else’s dorm room… decided it would be a good idea to just bring the party to another room.

Because for sure, no one would ever catch them again.

I learned another term… “pregaming”…  thanks urbandictionary.com

pre·game
ˈprēˌɡām/
North American
verb

informal
gerund or present participle: pregaming
  1. (especially of a person who is underage) drink alcohol before attending an event or social function.
    “a lot of the teenagers had pregamed before they got there”

So, this group of people was pregaming in my daughters dorm room, before going out one night. They were going to leave soon, so she’d have the room to herself to study later. She walks in on them, she left her phone charger in the room and had to come back. Finds them with bottles of booze, hanging out. She had told the roommate ahead of time she wasn’t going to be around if people were drinking, but didn’t want to prohibit the girl from having her fun.  As she is there, a guy puts some white powder on her desk and snorts it with a dollar bill.

She then decided it was time for them to leave. Right now.

Calls me, fuming. “He did it on MY DESK!” Hating that her belongings are now somehow tainted.

We are both getting an education right now.

A rocky start….

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jumbo

A person may not even like the taste of white jelly beans….but when you tell them not to eat them, they become the most desirable thing ever.

This is my issue right, except insert “onion rings from burger king” instead of “white jelly beans”. And I do like the taste of them, both onion rings AND white jelly beans.

You know how I kind of made that big promise to myself, to try really really hard to eat better and work out more? Well, I’m getting ready to work out now-I will probably run out of time to actually get to it because of my procrastinating, but I am at least dressed for it, so we’ll see how it goes.

I also said, NO more onion rings!!

I don’t eat them every day. Probably has been about once a week though, and that is far too much. So no, I will not eat them anymore.

Except, I am craving them. Craving them because I can’t have them….. and it’s not helping that I drove past THREE Burger Kings today. Three!!!

I was so proud yesterday, I drove by them as I munched on grapes and carrot sticks. Today, I sulked in my car past the first one. Then the second one. Then I had a problem.

I was finished with work, but had about 30 minutes to kill before picking up my son from school. Not enough time to go home and drop off the babysitter, but plenty of time to swing in for some deep fried, delicious onion rings. I was really desperate because I know I lack willpower. I had to do something to avoid driving past the last burger king too soon, or I knew I’d give into temptation.

I stopped at Super K-mart instead. Wandered the aisles, buying underwear for the kids, bleach and Clorox wipes for me, and a box of Keebler JUMBO fudge sticks, for no good reason. I spent $80 to avoid spending $3.00 on onion rings. Then, I still almost gave in, I had ten minutes left, plenty of time for hot grease!!

God was kind enough to put a big Semi in my path, directly in front of the burger king. I thanked him, and made it to school without succumbing.

Then, as I sat in the car line for 25 minutes, waiting for my son…. I ate two Jumbo fudge sticks. 160 calories each.  I could have eaten more.

Baby steps.

The girl I wanna be

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I ran into her today, after taking Jenna to the splash pad this afternoon.

HER….being a woman near my age (I think), who looks completely AMAZING. Couple that with a winning personality, and smarts, it’s a no brainer. She ran a 5 mile race on her birthday this week, and came in FIRST. Who wouldn’t want to be her??

Now, I don’t mean this literally, I really enjoy myself and my life. I wouldn’t want to switch all that stuff. BUT… her arms. Her arms are perfect. I stared at them as we chatted for a second or two. And I envied them.

She is dedicated to working out, she runs…for like, miles. She tries to get enough sleep and adjusts her diet to allow her to reach her goals with her running.

And here I am….just snuck two bites of Jenna’s superman ice cream, and WOULD have ordered a hot fudge sundae of my own if the lady hadn’t rushed me at the counter….. addicted to stupid burger king onion rings…..

I'm pretty sure she looks like this when she races.... theathleticbuild.com

I’m pretty sure she looks like this when she races….
theathleticbuild.com

I imagine I look like this next to her..... istockphoto.com

I imagine I look like this next to her…..
istockphoto.com

I told her I was just getting back into working out. This is true….again. I’m ALWAYS just getting back into working out, I haven’t actually made it a habit for years… so the three days a week I am doing? I didn’t tell her that at least one of those is just a 10 minute superfast CD so I can “say” I worked out that day. And probably clenching my butt cheeks when I walk outside with the kids isn’t good enough. Dammit.

So I look at her, and admire her, and think…..I would love to look like her. And what will I do about it?

Perhaps because I’m turning 40 in a few short weeks…. suddenly the knowledge that I COULD look great if I wanted to isn’t cutting it. Suddenly, the excuse of having 4 kids isn’t enough…. genetics have been very nice to me, but maybe it’s time for me to help out a bit more.

By the way, getting back to this girl, it is impossible to hate her for her perfection. She’s too nice!! She offered to run with me when I mentioned that I might like to start. I think she was serious.

I honestly told her I would need to do some work alone, I had to look better first…before I could subject myself to that. I want to sit her down and find out what she does, besides running…what’s her super-effective workout secret??

So today I made myself a promise. Kind of. I told myself I would try really hard to avoid onion rings and eat more carrots and fruit. I am going to pack a lunch instead letting myself starve until only fried grease will satisfy me. Edamame!!!! I will eat more of it!! I will FORCE myself to start working out at least every other day…. probably I will start this tomorrow….

And I will still clench my butt cheeks when I walk, because I think it’s not hurting anything.