Category Archives: humor

temptation and motivation

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sometimes, your gummy vitamins just aren’t enough to tame the cravings. When I find myself considering self harm because I’m dying for junk food… I tend to give in.

So I got this cute little mini muffin pan and decided to make some chocolate chip something or other cookie cups to tame the inner beast. I ended up making these peanut butter chocolate chip cookie cups that only took about 20 minutes to make.

cookie

YUM. Recipe from averiecooks.com

They totally satisfied 🙂

Of course, I felt like I could give in to temptation today because I’ve been working out more. Partly because the two younger ones have been really into it, and frequently harass me into working out with them.

We all have to put on matching tank tops, or Sammy goes topless to showcase his guns….

And they actually work out with me.

cookie2

ah yes, our 10 minute bootie blast……

cookie1

the pilates “100”

cookie3

king of pilates

probably I would have a more effective workout if I would just focus on sucking my belly button into my spine instead of snapping photos and forgetting to breathe…. I’ll figure it out….

 

 

waging a war

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marbles.jpg

There is a point all kids reach… at least all of MY kids…. when they suddenly realize picking up toys and putting them into the organized bins or containers is NOT as much fun as just tossing them around and walking away.

Seems like the 3 year old has reached that threshold.

I just spent 45 minutes…. 45 MINUTES!…..listening to her groaning, crying, yelling, and attempting to sneak away because I refused to let her do anything until she cleaned up the marbles. There are over 300 I think.

I stayed strong.

It was hell, but they are picked up. She doesn’t like me much right now, but at least she did it. With minimal help from me.

I know she learned nothing from this.

I’m pretty sure she still feels like she won.

reading between the lines

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The phrase: I have a few more patients to see, and then I’ll be home.

My meaning: I have three patients to see. I will be home in an hour. We can do something when I get home.

Husbands meaning: I have at least 12 patients to see, don’t expect to see me until midnight. Don’t expect to socialize ever again as a couple.

 

The phrase: Do you want tea?

My meaning: do you want tea?

Husbands meaning: Can you make tea for me, and you can also have some if you want, but mostly I just want you to make me some tea because it is really hard to fill that thing up with water and press the button…. and then getting sugar and tea bags! Forget about it. I can wait you out on this.

 

The phrase: It was fine.

My meaning: It was fine, not super good or bad.

Husbands meaning: I hated it. Never again. But I’m too polite to say that, so you will be confused and possibly angry if you try to get me to do this again because I will find a way to avoid it.

hmmmm, how many of us need interpreters in our homes?

Meh.

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Diet-cat

bluestmuse.com

For the past week, I’ve been walking around with aching muscles. I’ve been packing things like crunchy granola bars and fresh fruit to eat at work.

I’ve been working out, even though on one occasion the 5 year old had to shame me into it.

I have drastically scaled down my junk food snacking, depending on not just my gummy vitamin D’s, but gummy fish oil and gummy probiotics to pick up the slack.

Today…. Sammy and Jenna wanted pizza for dinner, he missed pizza day at school this week.

I ordered it…

then I worked out while I starved and watched them stuffing the greasy cheese pizza into their faces (with sides of fresh fruit and veggies). I did two workouts.

I then piled a plate with salad, got a glass of water, and ONE piece of pizza.

Normally I would have downed 2 or 3 pieces, NOT worked out, and chewed the pizza with mouthfuls of sprite or iced tea squishing together in blissful harmony before swallowing. I don’t drink much soda, but I find with pizza, it is the drink of choice for me. I love the interaction between carbonation and greasy crust…. fizzy, squishy, greasy goodness.

I did have a fleeting moment of what might have been real motivation to improve my lifestyle and health last week, but it didn’t last beyond a 30 second sense of supreme optimism.

I have since gotten very familiar with this feeling of…Meh. Basically mad at pizza for being bad for me, mad at chocolate for making me want it, mad at myself for being mad about wanting to be healthy, and forcing myself to do it anyway. I’m so MEAN.

I can’t wait until I’m 72. I’ve decided that is the age I will decide enough of this crap, and enjoy ho-ho’s and peppermint patties all day long if I want.

 

I used to be beautiful

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young

Before kids…… courtesy of dreamstime.com

By the end of yesterday I seemed more aware for some reason of the amount of yelling I do each day. I don’t think anyone can hear me if my voice is not at least moderately raised, and each request must be repeated at least 5 times.

I remember attempting to lecture Sammy at the store about how his repetitive behavior and ignoring of my requests to stop were just going to hurt him in the long run…because I certainly wasn’t going to bother getting him the frozen sorbet treats we specifically came for. Thankfully they didn’t have them anyway so I couldn’t give in.

But it doesn’t matter. Every day, EVERY DAY….. they must test me. I’m pretty convinced it’s their only purpose for being here right now. They haven’t found a greater purpose yet, so will continue to poke away at my sanity until they find something better to do.

Sometime last night, getting them ready for bed…. I’m again lecturing about how tired I am of repeating myself, and repeating myself, and repeating myself…..

My eyes might have looked a little bit crazy. I could feel creases forming on my forehead… creases that were not there before…. and they felt like they were just getting really settled and comfortable in my now regular facial expression of crumpled brow and squinty eyes.

“Do you see this!!??”  I asked Sammy, pointing to my poor, worn out forehead. “I didn’t look like this before, 5 years ago I was beautiful!!”

He laughed.

And then Jenna said she refuses to play with me again until I kiss her and say I’m sorry.

And I’m just trying to hold my forehead from caving in all together.

funny grandma

after kids…….. courtesy of blogdesuperheroes.es

 

 

The trouble with a tongue

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tongue1

I find myself, multiple times a day, telling the 3 year old to keep her tongue in her mouth. I fear if we don’t learn to restrain the thing, she may have problems later in life.

It tends to snake out of her mouth and test the air….for temperature, scent??, I’m not sure…. but it doesn’t like to stay where it belongs. How many times can you tell someone to keep their tongue out of their nose…. their nose!!!  This is not something that will be understood in school. I see possibly some popularity from it in preschool, at least with the boys…. but some unwanted attention from those same boys in later years…..

This tongue is amazingly long, it might even help her with balance as it extends out of her mouth while running…… A throwback from prehistoric times?… or is this a new adaptation that we will start to see in future generations? Maybe we just haven’t discovered the extent of it’s purpose yet.

Stay tuned, possible new talent or superpower to be discovered….

tongue2